Brexit continues to deliver weird involutions in British politics. Conservatives abandoning Northern Ireland and campaigning for a radical anti-business policy. Labour afraid to oppose a far right policy. And now the LDs...

You might have thought that the LDs, being a bit more niche, would manage to step around a situation afflicting the two larger parties where they have to adopt a policy which is either opposed to what they’re supposed to stand for or at odds with the majority of the membership...

But no. Perceived political reality says they have to distance themselves from Labour, so despite the fact that they’re pitching for Tory voters put off by Johnsonism (it’s not really an -ism, more of an -erfuckery, but never mind) they’re terrified if being seen to help Corbyn.

Meanwhile Labour stalwarts are wandering around talking about Lib Dem Austerity and how they’d never trust a Liberal, as if Labour’s past political life has no sins as yet unshriven. People, for God’s sake...

Right now, Boris Johnson is going to kick your progressive ass, sell the NHS and lower food standards to appease US agri-business, dump working protections and set fire to the environment. That will start on 13th Dec unless you get your shit together.

Here is the news: it is presently overwhelmingly unlikely that this election will produce a Labour majority. Without that, there is no Corbyn revolution, no radical agenda for positive change. Similarly, the LDs can end up with two cats and a pigeon in the House of Commons.

So the question for Labour is: do you care more about yesterday’s austerity, or tomorrow’s?

And the question for the LDs is: will you please get it together and stop falling over your own post-coalition terror? Because you both have to do this or we’re fucked.

I cannot emphasise enough how much I am OVER ideological purity at this time. YES OF COURSE I want radical investment in infrastructure and immediate assistance for those in poverty, homeless etc. Not because I’m a lefty but because I am capable of basic empathy.

None of that will matter if we turn this election into a giant protest vote and FPTP yields that giggling haunted hairpiece as our prime minister for five years.

I remember the last LD meltdown. In one sense, Clegg got a raw deal: he always said they’d go into coalition with the largest party if possible. In another, the LDs deserve the scorn they get: they signed up to illiberal policies during coalition to prove how stable they were.

How much worse will it be for them this time, if they give the impression they will never support Labour, or Cons, and then do one or the other? It’s asinine. They need to lay out, clearly, where they are, and stand or fall.

Technologically, perhaps, this is the age of triangulation, but emotionally we’re sick of it. So sick. If there is one fucking thing every UK voter now wants to scream at every party, it’s this: STOP FUCKING MAKING IT UP TO MAKE ME HAPPY AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

Stop trying to sugar coat it. Stop saying one thing to me and then telling my neighbour you have to say that to get the seat, and then you’re absolutely on my side.

Stop it.

Stop compromising what you honestly think is the best answer because you think people won’t vote for it, stop creating you agenda based on focus groups. Be what you are, tell me what it is, and then win or lose based on what you really mean.

TL;DR don’t just stand for Parliament.

Stand for something.

And for my money - for my vote - that means blocking the election of a guy who as far as I can tell stands for nothing but the space where his humanity ought to be.