DR metalove: or how i learned to stop worrying and love one-armed komaeda
(a thread)

when i write or draw nagito, i prefer to draw him with his left hand missing, with no prosthetic. this isn’t because prosthetics are hard to draw or write— his is very simple. it functions exactly like a biological hand would.

prosthetics can be a very empowering part of a persons body. even beyond utility, prosthetics can be a means of self-expression and agency.

so why do i prefer portraying him without it?

well, it all has to do with the reason prosthetics are so important in the first place: bodily autonomy. one’s ability to make their own decisions about their body

which is to say, i think that komaedas bionic hand does less for his arc on regaining his autonomy than leaving him sans one hand would have. it feels more like the DR animators not wanting to have to draw a visibly disabled character

but why do i think its a disappointing direction for his character wrt bodily autonomy? he lost a hand while in despair, and got it back. whats wrong with that?

true, i don’t believe that a choice he made while in despair can really be attributed to his true desires. if it were any other character, i might agree that a prosthetic would be the best course for their arc

komaeda, however, has a very unique relationship with his own body, especially with regard to junko (see the second half of my “why gay komaeda is good” thread)

while a bionic hand may help him in its utility, i cant imagine it would sit right with a character like komaeda. regardless of his mental state, i think he would see his decision to cut off his arm as his own

he sewed junkos hand to his arm as a means of symbolically usurping her power from her, and taking back the autonomy she had stolen from him while she was alive

even if he later came to regret that decision, to the point of complete disgust, i think it was a very important symbol of growth in his character. he wouldnt be powerless to junko anymore; now her power belonged to him

but of course, it was a wrong thing to do. it was dangerous, and unsanitary, and super fucked up. he couldnt keep a dessicated hand sewn to his arm. it had to be removed.

which brings us back to the prosthetic. i think that komaeda would find a lot of catharsis in accepting his body the way it is, specifically because of the choice he made to change it and the reason he made that choice

in a really fucked up way, komaeda cutting his hand off was the first time he’d ever had control over what happened to his body. even ignoring junko, he had been at the mercy of his luck cycle and his illness for his whole life

it was the wrong thing to do. it was an act of self-injury, and it came from a deeply unhealthy mental place, and it was extremely dangerous. but it was his, and he’d never had his body belong to himself before

the acceptance of only having one hand would serve, to nagito, as a healing reminder. a reminder of the place he never has to go back to, of the fact that he’s allowed to make his own decisions about his body, of the fact that he’s made mistakes and can still be Good

had it been just some despair-induced decision to do something fucked up, a prosthetic would symbolize leaving that past behind.
but to komaeda, i think that despair-induced decision itself was the start of leaving it behind.

and as such, moving on would be the act of accepting the past that led him to where he is, and his own sense of self and autonomy. accepting the body born from his own decisions, and his own decisions alone?

that’s healing, babes.