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The first thing I did with Disney+ is watch the original Parent Trap for the first time in 30 years. I love a good unnecessarily elaborate prank war.
Also, all hail Nancy Kulp, proto-Jane Lynch of my heart.
This is still the most fucked-up child custody arrangement in the history of divorce. The judge who approved it should be disbarred.
Sharon: More psychic (and also somewhat smarter) than Susan.
FYI kids, divorce and abandoning one of your two children forever is not, in fact, how love creates its beautiful agony.
Somewhere a scientist is angry they never got a chance to run some psychological tests on Sharon and Susan before this camp started. What a twin study!
"Boston is no place to rekindle a romance"
Harsh.
Harsh.
Everyone in this family is complicit in this traumatic travesty of a child custody arrangement. Just think about that whenever you like the Grandpa too much.
Grandma is really throwing a lot of shade about Sharon/Susan's haircut for somebody who basically has the exact same haircut.
Oh how I love the disorienting green screen of walking/driving. I'm getting a little vertigo as they walk though the Public Garden.
What did you do while I was gone, Dad?
Oh, you know ... some lady.
Oh, you know ... some lady.
DO YOU THINK HECKIE AND RUBINA KNOW? Can you imagine how horrified they would be to find out???
To clarify: I mean the revelation of the horrifying child custody arrangement, not their employer's bad taste in women.
Rubina obviously knows about the bad taste in women already.
"Choxley and I are used to strange women riding her."
Someone is gonna see these long-distance bills, ladies.
How old do you think Vickie is supposed to be? I'm really bad at gauging the age of adults in midcentury cinema.
Also: I remember being in high school and suddenly realizing just exactly how fucking rich all these people are. What does the dad even do? Is this all old family money on both sides?
Does the wealth explain the custody agreement? Did they just buy off the judge?
Does the wealth explain the custody agreement? Did they just buy off the judge?
This movie is VERY lucky that Sharon, the smart one, is in charge of dealing with their father's terrible taste in women.
I have no explanation for the difference in intelligence between Sharon and Susan. One of them is engaged in regular battles of wits with catty bitches. The other can't formulate a plausible excuse for a telegraph.
Is the subtext of this movie a critique of single fathers?
Is the subtext of this movie a critique of single fathers?
These reveal scenes really just drive home how much therapy Sharon and Susan are going to need. Thank god they've got all that money to pay for it.
I keep trying to find a photo of the dress Susan-pretending-to-be-Sharon is wearing when she reveals the swap to the Boston family. Because I want it. For myself. To wear.
No. No. I can handle this child custody arrangement. But I cannot stomach the plot holes involved in planning a society wedding on one week's notice.
Actually, nevermind, I'm not over the child custody arrangement. The adults keep emoting like they didn't choose and enforce this setup themselves for the last 13 years.
Dr. Mosby literally cannot wait to go tell the other ministers about this shit. He's composing tweets in his head as he's talking.
This movie's gender subtext:
Men are so terrible at raising children that they literally lower a child's IQ by at least a dozen points.
Women are all conniving bitches.
Men are so terrible at raising children that they literally lower a child's IQ by at least a dozen points.
Women are all conniving bitches.
Let's Get Together is not a compromise between Beethoven and the Beach Boys, Susan.
"The only logical thing we can do is share them."
Gee, Mitch. Why didn't you think of that 13 years ago?
Gee, Mitch. Why didn't you think of that 13 years ago?
Oh my god. It's suddenly occurring to me that these parents are probably about my age. Help.
The movie implies that Susan comes up with the idea to force the mom to miss the plane by refusing to tell the parents which kid is which.
But we all know this has all the hallmarks of a Sharon plan.
But we all know this has all the hallmarks of a Sharon plan.
Well it's nice to know that the Dad who thought it was a great idea to abandon one of his children because, what the hell, they look alike I guess, is against corporal punishment of children.
Based on the intrinsic gender behavior theory postulated by this film, the Grandfather must be at least a little queer. He seems to be the only male in the movie capable of sassy repartee and subtext.
It's true. You are both very attractive adults. And yet you seem to have not actually solved the aggression and violence problems inherent to your relationship?
But what do I know. I'm someone who thinks kids aren't interchangeable just because they're twins.
But what do I know. I'm someone who thinks kids aren't interchangeable just because they're twins.
Ah, yes. The ol' "untie my damp, grubby apron for me" trick. If I had a quarter for all the times that's gotten me laid.
Yes, Mitch. Why DID you take so long to tell your ex-wife you miss her (and your other child you hadn't seen since she was a year old)?
Final thought: I genuinely love the weird stop-motion animation opening and closing credits on this film. Especially the part where the mom and dad in the credits LOOK like Brian Kieth and Maureen O'Hara but have different character names.
This morning, thinking back on The Parent Trap, I'm really getting stuck on what hard work gold digging really is. Like, sure, there's that "beautiful community property law" but damn, man. First you gotta seduce, bang, marry, and hang out with a dude you loathe.
What I am saying is that Vicky The Golddigger may well have more of a work ethic than I do. I'm too lazy for that job.
