One year ago today I went home, packed a bag, and left my 4-year relationship. In the months that followed, I spoke to dozens of other heartbroken people. Every relationship is different, but I want to share the best advice I've gathered for making it to the other side [THREAD].

1) It's OK to not be OK: I spent my late teens/early 20s dealing with depression, and reallllllly hate admitting I'm not OK. Wallowing on the couch feels like failure to me.

Rushing to get over something monumentally sad will not serve you well in the long run. Be sad, it's OK.

I don't remember where I screenshotted this from, but here's a great metaphor on the subject. You have to go through the bad stuff to get to the good.

2) Limit communication as much as humanly possible.

This screenshot I kept on my phone for the first few months cannot be overstated. You made a decision, and if you're confident in that decision (as I was) there's little else worth saying.

Not talking to someone you're used to talking to every single day hurts A LOT. It's weird, and foreign, and uncomfortable to not text someone you usually text 15x a day. Text a friend. Text your mom. Text a coworker. But unless you're dealing with logistics, do not text your ex.

3) Go to therapy (if at all financially possible)

Hearing your best friend call your ex a “waste of human life” may feel great in the moment, but its not going to help you identify what went wrong, and make sure the same thing doesn’t happen in your next relationship.

Therapy is a time and financial commitment that not everyone can make especially long term, but seeing someone for even a few months can help get you on track to heal yourself. Think of it as a crisis management tool.

Also read @LoriGottlieb1's MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE.

4) Social media is not your friend

I promise, I won't tell you to 100% block your ex, but being ambushed by a post of your ex looking cute on vacation is quite literally the last thing you need to see right now. "Unfollow" on FB and "mute" on Insta ASAP.

Set ground rules so you’re not tempted to constantly check their accounts for new content. Once a week, give yourself permission to stalk for 5-10 minutes. You know you’re going to do it, so at least control how often you make yourself feel crappy by doing so.

5) Remind yourself why you broke up

Post-breakup rose-colored glasses are real. Without having their bad qualities in your face day after day it’s easy to forget exactly why you walked away.

I forced myself to think of a negative memory every time a positive one surfaced. The bday dinner he cooked for me came after he ignored me all week. The sunny days on vaca in SC were dominated by his drunken antics. Pretty soon, I remembered the full story automatically.

6) You don't have to date until you're ready

Forcing yourself onto Bumble then crying outside a Heartland Brewery in Times Square at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon ain't gonna help anyone get over anything. Trust me, you'll be actually ready soon enough.

7) New relationships are super weird, but even more wonderful.

It's OK to let new partners be a constant reminder of why you left. You did the hard work of walking away, you're allowed to feel good again.

8) Throw your energy into literally anything else

A few hours after leaving the apartment I shared with my ex I was on my parents' couch looking at apartment listings. I threw every ounce of energy I wasn't using to produce tears into finding myself somewhere to live.

Finding, decorating, and nesting in my new solo apartment consumed the first three months of my breakup. I also binge-watched several TV shows my ex would have hated, and upped my reading goals. Just distract the sh*t out of yourself until you feel better.

9) Try to identify what you did wrong

It took a long time before I could admit to myself that I spent several years in a bad relationship that made me unhappy. To be candid, I was really really embarrassed by this, and it's so much easier to punt the blame.

When you grow up surrounded by strong, powerful women, writing in notebooks adorned with feminist slogans, campaigning for Hillary Clinton, it’s easy to think you’re too smart to get yourself in a bad situation.

Acknowledging what went wrong prevents it from happening again.

10) Time will heal you

The first week took a century. The first month took a year. But pretty soon, you'll stop counting the days. I truly cannot believe how much better my life is 365 days later. All the pain was worth it.

I promise you too will get through this

Thank you to every single person who has shown me kindness on this bizarre social media platform in the past year. And sorry to my current BF who follows me and knows way too much about my emotional state because I use this platform like a LiveJournal in 2003.