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If all Premier League managers had a normal job thread:
1. Jurgen Klopp (Liverpool)
Head of HR at an energy company in Germany, promotes green energy, cycling to work and a healthy work life balance. Often seen smashed on a Thursday with the interns but gets in on Fridays feeling fresh
Head of HR at an energy company in Germany, promotes green energy, cycling to work and a healthy work life balance. Often seen smashed on a Thursday with the interns but gets in on Fridays feeling fresh
2. Brendan Rodgers (Leicester)
A sales trainer and motivational speaker. Uses a lot of graphs and charts to make you go the extra yard. Improves performance by 150%. No one likes him
A sales trainer and motivational speaker. Uses a lot of graphs and charts to make you go the extra yard. Improves performance by 150%. No one likes him
3. Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
Works in the centre of London in insurance. Earns a fuck ton even though no one really knows what he does. Still finds time to coach his sons u-11 team on a Saturday. Hero
Works in the centre of London in insurance. Earns a fuck ton even though no one really knows what he does. Still finds time to coach his sons u-11 team on a Saturday. Hero
4. Pep Guardiola (Man City)
Maths lecturer. Absolute genius in his craft but is intolerant of his students. Hates laughter. Struggles with normal human interaction. Sleeping on his mates sofa because his wife kicked him out
Maths lecturer. Absolute genius in his craft but is intolerant of his students. Hates laughter. Struggles with normal human interaction. Sleeping on his mates sofa because his wife kicked him out
5. Chris Wilder (Sheffield Utd)
Runs a taxi firm. The finest in Yorkshire. Affordable with an excellent and efficient service. Not much banter though
Runs a taxi firm. The finest in Yorkshire. Affordable with an excellent and efficient service. Not much banter though
6. Unai Emery (Arsenal)
Hotel manager in Benidorm. Presentation is perfect but customer service is shocking. Changes the menu every week. All his staff want to leave
Hotel manager in Benidorm. Presentation is perfect but customer service is shocking. Changes the menu every week. All his staff want to leave
7. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (Man United)
Never had a job ever and lives in his mums basement playing video games. Also runs a Man United fan channel like Mark Goldbridge moaning about how the club is run and saying he would do better
Never had a job ever and lives in his mums basement playing video games. Also runs a Man United fan channel like Mark Goldbridge moaning about how the club is run and saying he would do better
8. Nuno Espirito Santo
Male model for the older generation. a fashion and style icon that make the ladies swoon. Writes poetry in his spare time
Male model for the older generation. a fashion and style icon that make the ladies swoon. Writes poetry in his spare time
9. Eddie Howe
PE Teacher that all the girls in his school fancy for no real reason. He's a nice guy but fully expect detention if you forget your kit
PE Teacher that all the girls in his school fancy for no real reason. He's a nice guy but fully expect detention if you forget your kit
10. Sean Dyche
Bouncer at some dodgy club. Doesn't look twice at the girls' ID but likes to give the lads a hard time. Loves to flex his muscles
Bouncer at some dodgy club. Doesn't look twice at the girls' ID but likes to give the lads a hard time. Loves to flex his muscles
11. Graham Potter
Recruitment Consultant. Slick, trendy and will say anything to make you accept the offer. Also fronts an Oasis tribute band in his spare time
Recruitment Consultant. Slick, trendy and will say anything to make you accept the offer. Also fronts an Oasis tribute band in his spare time
12. Roy Hodgson
Vicar of the local church in some sleepy southern village. Helps out at the fete and local library. All the old dears love him. Also a failed novelist
Vicar of the local church in some sleepy southern village. Helps out at the fete and local library. All the old dears love him. Also a failed novelist
13. Steve Bruce (Newcastle)
Butcher. Finest lamb chops in all the north east. Good honest labour. Always gives extra to the older ladies. Been known to eat all his stock
Butcher. Finest lamb chops in all the north east. Good honest labour. Always gives extra to the older ladies. Been known to eat all his stock
14. Mauricio Pochettino
Runs a trendy tech start up in London. Had a few really good years but now struggling because all his best members of staff want to leave. Looking to sell up and join a bigger firm
Runs a trendy tech start up in London. Had a few really good years but now struggling because all his best members of staff want to leave. Looking to sell up and join a bigger firm
15. Marco Silva (Everton)
Currently unemployed after a string of high level jobs in big organisations for that he is unqualified for. Is great in interviews but hasn't actually a clue what he is doing on a day to day basis
Currently unemployed after a string of high level jobs in big organisations for that he is unqualified for. Is great in interviews but hasn't actually a clue what he is doing on a day to day basis
16. Manuel Pellegrini (West Ham)
Supply teacher. The Year 10 boys know its party time when Mr Pellegrini turns up. Kids take advantage of his kindly nature and also the fact he is totally useless at his job
Supply teacher. The Year 10 boys know its party time when Mr Pellegrini turns up. Kids take advantage of his kindly nature and also the fact he is totally useless at his job
17. Dean Smith
Has his own one-man-band painting and decorating firm. Bombing round the midlands in his van making sure all your walls are looking fantastic. Reasonably priced, too
Has his own one-man-band painting and decorating firm. Bombing round the midlands in his van making sure all your walls are looking fantastic. Reasonably priced, too
18. Quique Sanchez Flores
Owns a nightclub in Ibiza just across the road from Lineker's. Is best mates with @waynelineker. Also rumoured to have starred in several adult films
Owns a nightclub in Ibiza just across the road from Lineker's. Is best mates with @waynelineker. Also rumoured to have starred in several adult films
19. Ralph Hasenhuttl (Southampton)
Skiing instructor. Looks cool and groovy as hes swishing down the Austrian alps. Probably having an affair with your mum too
Skiing instructor. Looks cool and groovy as hes swishing down the Austrian alps. Probably having an affair with your mum too
20. Daniel Farke (Norwich)
Rodie with German Industrial Rock band Rammstein. Has known to drive the tour bus after 10 pints. Never had a bank account or mobile phone.
Rodie with German Industrial Rock band Rammstein. Has known to drive the tour bus after 10 pints. Never had a bank account or mobile phone.
END OF THREAD
Got nothing to plug, so please follow me back for more shit like this. I follow back
Got nothing to plug, so please follow me back for more shit like this. I follow back
Follow limit hit guys. Bear with x
By Special Request: Arsene Wenger
Multibillionaire after inventing the internet and the mobile phone an absolute pioneer that is now burdened with the society he helped create. Now owns his own fashion label
Multibillionaire after inventing the internet and the mobile phone an absolute pioneer that is now burdened with the society he helped create. Now owns his own fashion label
By Special Request: Jose Mourinho
The President of Portugal. His supporters love him, his opponents hate him. Has the mastery of detail needed for government but the popular touch needed to win 4 straight elections. Could sort out Brexit in a week
The President of Portugal. His supporters love him, his opponents hate him. Has the mastery of detail needed for government but the popular touch needed to win 4 straight elections. Could sort out Brexit in a week
By Special Request: Gareth Southgate
Family lawyer. Specialises in divorce. Will soothe your Dad's frustration as your Mum takes the house and only grants access to you every 2nd Sunday
Family lawyer. Specialises in divorce. Will soothe your Dad's frustration as your Mum takes the house and only grants access to you every 2nd Sunday
By Special Request: Sam Allardyce
Made his fortune by opening a construction firm and has never paid the taxman in his life. Now standing as an MP for the Brexit Party in order to keep Britain British
Made his fortune by opening a construction firm and has never paid the taxman in his life. Now standing as an MP for the Brexit Party in order to keep Britain British
By Special Request:
Estate Agent. Dodgy as anything but knows how to get the deals done. Drives around in a BMW and tells everyone how sexy his 2nd wife is
Estate Agent. Dodgy as anything but knows how to get the deals done. Drives around in a BMW and tells everyone how sexy his 2nd wife is
By Special Request: Sir Alex Ferguson
Took charge of a small wine distillery and made it into the biggest and best manufacturers of wine in the world, beating off competition everywhere. Company has fallen apart since his retirement
Took charge of a small wine distillery and made it into the biggest and best manufacturers of wine in the world, beating off competition everywhere. Company has fallen apart since his retirement
Actually there is something I can plug. While we are all having a laugh on FT there are people who will sleep in the freezing cold tonight with no home. Please donate to Shelter https://england.shelter.org.uk/donate
If I could get a shoutout from the lovely @laura_woodsy today would be complete
