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It& #39;s early but "It& #39;s A Charlie Brown Christmas" is on, so I thought I would live tweet it before my feed becomes all impeachment news. Let me state first of all that I LOVE Peanuts, but this movie is not great, and anyone who says differently is only saying it for nostalgia
The best part of this movie is the soundtrack. That sad jazz music flows well with the snowing, skating, and Charlie Brown trying to open to his friend Linus about his depression. Linus dismisses Charlie trying to be vulnerable as him just being weird, cause Linus is a dick.
After a Snoopy skating interlude, Charlie Brown yells into an empty mailbox to let everyone know he& #39;s depressed. He passive aggressively tells Violet "Thanks for the Xmas card" while Violet looks at him confused. This movie is obviously set in the midwest.
Lucy and Linus fight about whether snowflakes are ripe enough to lick. Lucy tries to shame Linus for having his blanket, and Linus tells her he& #39;s going to turn it into a sports coat when he grows up which makes her unreasonably mad.
Lucy, an unlicensed therapist charges Charlie Brown in advance for wanting to talk about his depression again, and Lucy spends most of the time listing different fears she obviously just learned. Strangely she actually offers him some real insight about needing involvement.
The next scene involves Snoopy wanting to enter his dog house in a neighborhood decorating contest and Charlie Brown shitting on him for being a sell out. To be clear, Snoopy did not ask his opinion or even try to involve him.
After a jazz session at the school auditorium. Lucy breaks up the jam session by announcing that Charlie Brown will be the director of the play to which everyone is upset until he enters and then they all applaud like all actors do to kiss the director& #39;s ass
The cast ignores Charlie Brown& #39;s direction to have another jam session which is great not only for the kid who does the Frankenstein running man dance but Pigpen& #39;s bass technique.
Noticing that Charlie Brown is an ineffectual director, Lucy takes charge and starts casting the play. The first girl has one bit and that is that she has naturally curly hair. This "joke" will keep coming back with no punchline ever arriving.
Kind of demeaning that Charlie Brown refers to Lucy whom he knows by name (and who is his therapist) as "script girl." You know how directors are.
Charlie Brown asks for music and like all good musicians, Schroeder goes back to the jazz song he was already playing instead of the boring droney music that the director probably wants for the first scene.
Weird interlude where Lucy calls for a lunch break because Snoopy is doing acrobatics with his dog dish. It& #39;s not funny but is impressive and accurate that most first breaks come in rehearsal before any scenes have been rehearsed.
After insisting that she be cast as the "Christmas Queen" to Charlie Brown (guessing she wrote the script too), Charlie Brown wants to finally start rehearsal and the group goes back into a jazz jam. Don& #39;t know why they didn& #39;t just put on a concert instead of doing a play.
Charlie Brown decides that the one thing missing from the show that would make everything work is a Xmas Tree, so the cast sends him out to get one, probably so they can keep jamming without him insisting that they rehearse their lines.
Okay I& #39;m going to guess that Lucy is the producer of the play. She asks for a large impressive tree and Charlie Brown decides to buy a small shitty tree which would get him fired from any real theatre company.
Of course that said, if it& #39;s like Chicago theatre, Charlie Brown probably had to buy the tree with his own money and submit a receipt so he& #39;d get reimbursed at the end of the run, and why waste that money if it& #39;s probably going to get cut after the second preview?
Back at the auditorium, Schroeder plays "Fur Elise" and insists it& #39;s Xmas music while Lucy shits on Beethoven for no other reason than she has no soul. Schroeder switches to playing jazz and then gets frustrated when Snoopy is enjoying the music and dancing to it.
Schroeder is one of those musicians who insists that everyone be quiet and listen to his music instead of talking or dancing. Interestingly, his piano has lots of settings for other sounds like organ.
After bringing in his shitty tree and placing it on the piano, everyone laughs at Charlie Brown. Strangely, Schroeder was a real dick when Snoopy was dancing to jazz but has no problem with Charlie Brown putting a tree on his piano. UNREALISTIC.
Charlie Brown asks if anyone knows what Xmas is all about and Linus who is scary religious can hardly contain himself to quote the Bible. Later he& #39;ll grow up to be Mike Pence.
Charlie Brown is really taken with Linus& #39; evangelism and walks out of rehearsal finally happy with his life. This is ruined when he finds out Snoopy won first prize in the neighborhood for decorating his doghouse. Because Charlie Brown can& #39;t be happy for his fucking dog!
Stealing an ornament from Snoopy& #39;s award winning doghouse, Charlie Brown nearly kills his tree and walks off depressed. Everyone else suddenly shows up and decorates the tree with revisionist history that they actually always liked the tree. These are abusive "friends."
After singing "Hark The Herald Angels" to summon back Charlie Brown he comes back and they surprise him with his decorated tree and then they all sing over the credits. Moral of the story? Charlie Brown overcomes depression by having his friends decorate a tree 
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Thanks for tuning in. I& #39;ll continue the War On Xmas as the days go on!
