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"Video game addiction isn& #39;t real" and "porn addiction isn& #39;t real" takes miss the point. There& #39;s a real phenomenon, and it has little to do with video games or porn in particular.
We need a new concept and a new word for it: how about "escape addiction"?
We need a new concept and a new word for it: how about "escape addiction"?
The key feature of escape addiction is that it& #39;s an attempt to escape something, which means where it& #39;s escaping *to* is less relevant for understanding it than what it& #39;s escaping *from*.
If you take away the games or the porn or w/e you& #39;ll just find a new escape.
If you take away the games or the porn or w/e you& #39;ll just find a new escape.
In grad school I was trying to escape from feelings of grief and shame and worthlessness and loneliness, and I escaped into: anime (live-action TV was unbearable), manga, video games, porn (mostly hentai for similar reasons as the anime), sci-fi, fantasy, math (really!)...
The anime, manga, and hentai were because I mostly could not stand to look at real people with real faces. Cartoon people with cartoon faces were infinitely safer and more soothing. The sci-fi and fantasy were arguably similar; safety in the unreal.
And when I say "video games" I want to be clear that I don& #39;t mean anything multiplayer or skill-based, I mean easy single-player RPGs like Pokemon, I mean I poured hundreds of hours into this:
I mostly was not doing any of these things to enjoy them; it was painfully clear that I was doing it to avoid being alone with myself for even one second.
One of the main ways I could tell is that they were all substitutable: I& #39;d get bored with anime and switch to games, etc.
One of the main ways I could tell is that they were all substitutable: I& #39;d get bored with anime and switch to games, etc.
I& #39;ve heard stories from three different sources recently about people who quit [substance] and subsequently started doing something else to fill the void, e.g. overeating. Not to downplay physical addiction to substances, but worth looking for escape components still.
Focusing on what you& #39;re escaping / addicted *to* is actually part of the escape; if your story is "I& #39;m addicted to the internet" or w/e then you& #39;ve successfully avoided having to think about e.g. school, your job, your relationship(s)...
In the beginning of 2018 I went through an emotional shift I still don& #39;t understand, and one of the craziest effects of that shift is that I (temporarily) stopped being interested in *all* of my previous escapes: I simply did not want any more anime, manga, video games, etc.
The reason I stopped wanting to escape is that the feelings I had been escaping from (temporarily) disappeared. I will never forget what this felt like. A weight lifted. I felt capable of doing anything. Like quitting grad school, which I finally did after years of misery.
Now, having said all that, to be clear: none of the point of this is to make anyone feel shamed for escaping. Sometimes escaping is all you can do; it was all I could do for years. You take care of yourself however you can.
And, I want to gesture towards the next step.
And, I want to gesture towards the next step.
I didn& #39;t get out by myself; I was lucky enough to be helped by a ton of amazing people, who taught me things I didn& #39;t know I needed. I cannot possibly summarize what did it in a tweet, but if I had to try:
Learn to stay with it. The feeling you& #39;re avoiding. Slowly and gently.
Learn to stay with it. The feeling you& #39;re avoiding. Slowly and gently.
See also: https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1176616086378139649">https://twitter.com/QiaochuYu...
If you& #39;re tired of all this individual psychologizing and crave something more societal / systematic in scope: it& #39;s worth pondering how much of the modern economy is actively about taking advantage of escape addictions, feeding them, making them worse, creating new escapes...
https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1179494018629029889">https://twitter.com/QiaochuYu...
and, of course, the inevitable trauma connection: https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1193990915125178368">https://twitter.com/QiaochuYu...
