“we vibe” a friend talking about his relationship with his dad

“what should we watch?”
that same friend “porn”

“Anyone from Maroon 5: I’m blah blah, I’m in Maroon 5
Me: no you’re not Adam Levine” A friend

“Put your pants on, I have Rice Krispies”

“This is why I vape, so I die before my significant other”

“Bro if Hell is real I’m going there, doesn’t that suck?”

“Do you think snakes are racist?”

“He’s got a lake house...and BITCHES”

“Ow he fuckin’ touched my organs”

*leaving out the door to go to work*
“Save me some trulys I’m still depressed”

“John Greer, he wrote ‘Looking for Nebraska’”

“A Shirley temple sounds dank”