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I worked for a pathological narcissist very similar to Trump.
Rather than admit a mistake, she once insisted the state DOT had taken down every single highway sign for the interstate she was supposed to merge onto “for cleaning” & that was why she kept going into the next state.
Rather than admit a mistake, she once insisted the state DOT had taken down every single highway sign for the interstate she was supposed to merge onto “for cleaning” & that was why she kept going into the next state.
Everyone would have laughed & empathized. But she couldn’t stand even the insinuation that she was “at fault”.
B/c she was also a family member (lesson learned), I made the compound mistakes of not recognizing the pathology and thinking I could speak freely/truthfully to her.
B/c she was also a family member (lesson learned), I made the compound mistakes of not recognizing the pathology and thinking I could speak freely/truthfully to her.
When she told me not to hire any more black employees, I told her that would be illegal. I didn’t take it seriously. I hired two strong black women. She spent a year tearing them down. Unbeknownst to me, this was the first of many "disloyalties" she was cataloging against me.
When she told me to call the FBI on a business associate of hers & friend of mine, b/c she had failed to do due diligence before wiring money internationally for a transaction he suggested, I brushed it off.
When she told me I was “not allowed” to be friends with that person anymore, I laughed at her “just being her dramatic self”.
But the whole time, her resentments over my perceived defiances and slights against her were growing.
But the whole time, her resentments over my perceived defiances and slights against her were growing.
When they reached a breaking point, she fired me at Christmas, withheld final paychecks, promised & earned bonuses, & a share in company stock. She also fought unemployment and quite rightly lost, which enraged her further, so she trashed my reputation to anyone who would listen.
And as a final indignity, she told other friends not to let me near her stable, because I, a lifelong animal rescuer and equestrian, "would poison her horses".
And b/c vindictiveness, the burning *need* for revenge, for dominance, for ego to be soothed & assured that it was not their fault, whatever "it" may be, knows no bounds in a narcissist, b/c they perceive punching down to be a position of strength, none of this was enough for her
A multimillionaire firing her own niece, destroying her fragile just-post-divorce financial situation, would have been petty and vindictive, but the narcissist must always utterly destroy their perceived enemies.
So she destroyed her sister’s daughter while her sister was on hospice, trying to gracefully end her nearly four year battle with ovarian cancer. While my mother was trying to die with dignity, the narcissist spent her time trying to assassinate my character to my own mother.
Telling her that I had done fabricated “awful” things, then playing good cop by refusing to enumerate them out of feigned consideration for her dying sister. (Sound familiar? "HRC/Schiff/Dems/Biden have done so many bad things folks, believe me the corruption is just awful")
Believe me when I tell you there is no bottom. There is literally NOTHING a narcissist will not do, cannot justify, in order to preserve their self concept. There is no length to which they will not go to protect their incredibly fragile ego.
I got to walk my mother’s death with a large portion of my immediate family making the same assumption that conservatives make about Trump: there must be something to what she says because it’s such a big deal.
They assumed that I must have done these alleged “bad things”, because otherwise how would there be any reason for bringing this to my mother *on her death bed*? There just be something to this! Jess must have done something to cause this.
Most of them still believe the truth is unknowable. That I did something bad/awful and this person did too and there are two sides here and the whole thing is so unfortunate and etc etc.
I don’t have the mental energy to correct them.
I don’t have the mental energy to correct them.
Five years of therapy and 12 step work later, I understand that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. I won’t spend my time defending myself against insinuations that don’t even have substance, much less truth.
And so I’ve been able to walk even this woman now inserting herself into my father’s death and funeral this summer, after trying to withhold his dead wife’s share of family investments from him just two years earlier, with a modicum of grace and dignity.
But my point is that the pathology of a narcissist creates wide ripples. And people who are not aware, as I wasn’t in the beginning, are easily taken in by the emotional con. When we amplify this onto a national scale, the effects are truly mind blowing.
The excuses will get more and more insane. The vilification of anyone who transgresses against him will become more, not less, heated and cruel.
There is no bottom.
So don’t be shocked. Just keep speaking truth and keep calmly repeating it. You can’t sway people under the spell.
There is no bottom.
So don’t be shocked. Just keep speaking truth and keep calmly repeating it. You can’t sway people under the spell.
But truth keeps being truth no matter what. Eventually, the bloom always wears off of the pathological shiny object. The narcissist alienates more consistently than they attract. Notice the only inner circle Trump has left are the fellow crooks & family. They drive sanity away.
So keep amplifying sane, healthy talking points. And ridicule the crazy for what it is. Because fuck them. They don’t get to dictate our emotions or emotional state.
I refuse to walk around feeling anxious and afraid of what she might do or say next, years later, that will impact my life or make people doubt my character, conduct, or morality.
And to anyone whose emotional state is compromised by the narcissistic insanity writ large over our nation right now, I beg of you the same. Preserve your peace and speak truth. I wish you so much serenity. 
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