So I had some thoughts/meta that's maybe also a ficcish thing that is based only on the live action. I'm about to tweet spam at you! #WangXian #cql

I find it entirely possible that lwj had never masturbated before meeting wwx.

He's in the Lan Clan, which has 3000 rules they have to live by. There has to be something about not being inappropriate or lewd. They'd never have a rule about no jerking-off, but there could be a euphemism or mostly banal term that covers it anyway.

Or maybe it doesn't mean no jerking-off but lwj reads it that way? Anyway, it's not like his penis is a complete mystery to him. He's a teenage boy. He's had random stirrings or sometimes woken up with with an erection but he's never done anything with it

- the Lan clan are renowned for their control over temperament and lwj's libido is certainly not going to rule him.
Sex isn't a total surprise either – when he saw the erotic picture wwx snuck in the book he was horrified because he knew what it portrayed.

And though his uncle sure as hell hadn't told him anything, maybe his brother had given him some quiet, awkward explanation, because he's awesome and didn't want his younger brother to go through any unnecessary embarrassment or confusion.

So, he knows about sex. About masturbation. But it's not an important thing to him. He imagines that one day, maybe, if he ever did get married – not that he's expecting to, he knows most people find him cold – any sexual acts would be between him and his spouse

But other than that, sexual gratification isn't important to him at all.
And then he meets wwx.
The boy is...infuriating. Smart. Childish. Educated. Unteachable. Caring. Disobedient...and what the hell is happening inside his underwear??

Before he knows it his dick has a life of its own.

The first time it happens he doesn't even make the connection – tells himself it's a one-off, that wwx just happened to be there when he got a random erection. They happen sometimes.

But it's not long before even he stops hiding the truth and he has to face the fact that, for whatever completely unfathomable reason, wwx keeps making him hard.

It's horrifying. Embarrassing.

And thought fortunately his robes are somewhat forgiving, he does everything in his power to avoid being anywhere near wwx – which has exactly zero impact because at every turn there wwx is, tracking him down, smiling at him, usually laughing.

If lwj didn't know better he'd almost think wwx likes him but...no. No, it can't be that. No one ever likes him. Wwx is just making fun of him.

He copes with this, silently, for weeks. Tells himself his ability to control his temperament will get him through this...sudden, strange abnormality. Xichen told him that his body was changing and these things would happen.

It's FINE.

It's not fine.

One night he's in bed, awake past the 9pm curfew, because he's been trying everything he can not to think about wwx but something about him was particularly breathtaking today.

Lwj lays there, hard, not touching himself and all he can think about is wwx's hands and he's trying to stop himself, he has excellent control over his temperament, he does, but then he shifts and fabric rubs across his erection and it's all over.

He's both stunned – and horrified – by how good it felt.

Early the next morning, a frazzled lwj goes straight to his brother – not his uncle, never his uncle – and admits, face turned away, that he broke the rules and needs to be punished.

He refuses to explain exactly how he broke the rules, however, which leaves Xichen confused – how is he supposed to punish him if he doesn't know what rule he broke?

Lwj still refuses to confess, however, and also refuses to go to uncle about it. Xichen knows lwj has always been too hard on himself so he gives him a punishment despite the break in protocol, but it's a nothing punishment and they both know it.

At least, it's meant to be. Except wwx has also been punished again for his latest infraction, and he has to spend all day with him in the gardens, cleaning and weeding and wwx has been smiling at him all day. It's not long before wwx is sweaty and unkempt, his hair in disarray

and dirt over his shoes, clothes and face as he openly laughs at something lwj said that was really not funny at all (frankly he's having trouble remembering just how words work) and this is the worst thing that has ever happened to him.

The next day, he tells Xichen with a hidden face that he needs to be punished again.

Xichen is no idiot – it doesn't take him long to have at least some idea of what's going on. He already knew lwj was intrigued by wwx after all, no matter how much he denied it

(and the reason he made sure they had the same punishment). However, it's becoming clear the emotional turmoil this is having on his younger brother and he's worried that his hand in this has only been a hindrance, despite having lwj's best interests at heart.

So the next time they are assured of privacy, he speaks to his brother. Not directly, not about his suspicions about how lwj's starting to feel towards wwx – that's not how they work – but he makes it clear that there's nothing specifically in the rules against self-pleasure.

Yes, it needs to be at an appropriate time and place, but he should not feel bad or ashamed about the way his body is making him feel.
Mortified, lwj spits out in a hush that that is not what's happening and absolutely insists

– as respectfully as possible, of course – that Xichen never mention this subject again.

And then he flees. Xichen lets him.

Lwj faces the next day with renewed determination. It is a struggle, but he is used to those, and this one – as inconvenient as it is – is no doubt temporary.

After all, he thinks – as wwx laughs, face bright in the morning sun, shoving his brother down a few steps – they're only here for a few more weeks.

It's not like he's going to spend the rest of his days with him.