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I’m sat here thinking about how the concept of weddings is funny. You plan, spend money, gather people together, feed them, gift them and perform and entertain them. A whole show and tell.
Marriage is funny to me but that’s not news.
You meet someone, they are funny, your heart does weird things. Your stomach reacts like you have diarrhea but you’re also hungry when you see them. They talk and the hair on your skin stands. Is it fear? Is it an allergic reaction?
You meet someone, they are funny, your heart does weird things. Your stomach reacts like you have diarrhea but you’re also hungry when you see them. They talk and the hair on your skin stands. Is it fear? Is it an allergic reaction?
One day you decide you want to live together and somehow the idea of peeing with someone in the next room listening sits well with you. You make a whole show off introducing them to the ones you love. Parents talk. Some ask if you’re happy but mostly how much their worth...
But they do it in a subtle way. It’s medical history, lineage, efcc warranties, who’s married to who. Who is important, who isn’t. Background check done time to make the business pitch.
Greet this one, meet this one. 100% on best behavior then culture sets in. Men sit in a room and talk about politics, security, economics, the state of the nation. Everything but the important things. They drink and eat and in between burps, they ask, they accept.
A whole business exchange I tell you. It’s ended with handshakes and a gift of sweets and kola that no one eats. Can’t wait to sell mine tbh. I heard there’s money involved too. I’ll confirm who gets that sometime (maybe). Here, an overzealous uncle, mostly the one no one wanted
there in the first place, will suggest an on the sport nikkah. Here this, the boy is an oceans away, the girl, asleep two plane rides over. They don’t know.
It goes to say, this business meeting that took months of scheduling could have been a skype call. WhatsApp group chat?
It goes to say, this business meeting that took months of scheduling could have been a skype call. WhatsApp group chat?
But they say no. We are a sensible people, we don’t rush things AKA we are giving them -boy and girl, time to realize this marriage thing, a sham. Love, a health concern but it’s also, we’ve gotta sit with the ones who aren’t here and discuss finances and time to dine and wine
people we haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Wear the nicest clothes to impress our neighbors. The ones we’ve prayed for to move. Leave the colleagues we complain together about salaries wondering where this money came from. Iyalaya anybody.
The girl gets a call, what’s your bra size? Lace or cotton. How do I tell them I don’t wear heels and that soap is bad for my skin. I won’t wear that vlisco, it clashes with my skin color. It’s boxes and boxes of a whole waste of money. Those pearl earrings and corals though 
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Did I tell you about how this practice is done in a gathering of women? They count fabric by fabric and giggle about the size of underwear. The lingerie box is coyly pointed at and closed, as if the girl will not be sent off with potions and powders. But sex, we don’t talk about.
Fabrics are rubbed with greasy hands and gold is admired from the lap of the big aunty. They whisper mashaAllah but in their hearts envy and their minds hasty to leave and gossip.
They delivery women are sent off with trays of snacks and meat. A whole sheep and money to match their delivered items.
It’s time now, they buy a house, they furnish the house. Suddenly, everyone is an interior decorator and a kitchen vendor. It’s a show house for the magazines
It’s time now, they buy a house, they furnish the house. Suddenly, everyone is an interior decorator and a kitchen vendor. It’s a show house for the magazines
Money spent, money wasted.
The whole sham of it.
I’ve lost my train of thought now and my head aches but one day I’ll get back to this.
The whole sham of it.
I’ve lost my train of thought now and my head aches but one day I’ll get back to this.
You do all of this. Grueling and needless. Present the perfect performance but the audience, the ones you wined and dined, they aren’t satisfied. You see them, they ask, are you pregnant? You smile. They touch you. Months go by, you see them, they ask. It’s a year, 2, they ask.
This time, they are ‘concerned’ they say. Is there a problem? No Aunty. The food, the gifts, the money I spent on you, the entertainment was that not enough? Did you also want videos of us solving this problem?
The whole thread is ridden with typos. I’m sorry.
