This is me explaining again why I never use the term “ethnical non-monogamy”—the fact that you live in a culture that enshrines transparency as morally correct does not make you better or more ethicsl than someone who does not 1/

In cross-cultural perspective, there are plenty of places and ways non monogamy is happening and who am I and who are you to judge by affixing/awarding the label “ethical” or not? 2/

For example: there are cultures where the tacit, unspoken, but clear cultural code about “affairs” is “discretion” to “protect” one’s partner. People might ge their feelings hurt, just as they do from CNM, but who are we to call that “unethical”? 3/

Ex: there are cultures, incl parts of the US, where poor women might have simultaneous partnerships to find a new partner; or where women are subjected to violence and even lethal violence for disclosing simultaneous partnerships. Is their privacy practice “unethical”? 4/

See, through the lens of anthropology which values the ecology and context of things incl sexual and romantic practices, your “ethical” designation is at best without scientific or linguistic merit, and at worst, arrogant 5/

The term “consensual non monogamy describes something without implying a moral superiority that isnt actually there. That’s why I use CNM not ENM 6/

And no, using the term “ethical” non monogamy is not just your “personal preference” or “ mere semantics”. It implies a superiority which is not yours to claim relative to other people and realities you seem not to be considering 7/

And by the way plenty of people are practicing CNM in ways that are NOT ethicsl 7/

For all these reasons (and more) I hope poly advocates, academics, people in sex positive spaces, journalists etc will consider using “CNM” v ENM to describe the practice of (mostly privileged) people in relationships consenting to sexual and romantic involvement with others 8/

Might we also consider borrowing from social science the terms disclosed monogamy (rather than ethical NM) and non disclosed monogamy (for those forms that are not disclosed)? #scicomm