IN HONOUR OF THIS PAPER, which establishes I will in fact live forever, I will now spend some of my eternal life by sharing my best vegan recipes with you. Note: I have busy life & small child. All of these are 20-25 mins from ingredients to table and being eaten by fussy kid. 1/ https://twitter.com/jdhill/status/1188911826945368064
First up, carrot-red lentil-cumin soup. Fry up cumin seeds in bit of oil, add bunch of red lentils, some salt & kettle-boiling water, chop carrots and add as they are chopped, blend with soup squich-squicher after 20 minutes, serve with toasted bread. Yummy+healthy. 2/
[Note: kettle-boiling water means water boiled in an electric kettle, which is super fast & also energy efficient. Use for all cooking involving hot water. Soup squich-squicher has a real name, it turns out: it's a hand blender. How very boring.] 3/
Second: spicy lentils, serve with rice, couscous or bulgur wheat. Brown or green lentils, 1 cup +4 of water, 5 cloves chopped garlic, small or half onion, 4 green chilies chopped, 2 red chilies whole, 1 tin chopped tomato, 1/2 inch chopped ginger, tsp chili powder, salt. 4/
[2nd note: my kid likes spicy food. I learned that babies can taste mother's food in amniotic fluid, so I ate basically vindaloo curries my whole pregnancy and IT WORKED, I recommend it.] 5/
Speaking of curries: fry up some mustard & cumin seeds (until the mustard ones pop), add chopped onion, some ginger, chilies, keep adding chopped seasonal or (un)frozen veg, tinned tomato, bunch of rinsed tinned chick peas or kidney beans, serve w/ rice/couscous or bulgur. 6/
You might be sensing a pattern here 😉. I'm not above using a tin of curry sauce with the veg too. Anyway, no apologies, it's delicious, healthy & gets eaten. With some veg like peas, use onion seeds & fenugreek (instead of mustard/cumin), more subtle, very nice. 7/
We get a veg box (sorry, we're that kind of people). In winter, well, it's roots & stuff from outer space. Also beetroot. So much beetroot. The solution there is almost always soup. Peel/boil the aliens root things, add bunch of red lentils, some red chilli etc, squich-squich. 8/
But it's also possible to make veggieburger/patties of sorts: still need to cook the veg and add cooked lentils, then fry up and don't get upset when they break up - food is meant to be eaten, not beautiful, damnit. Also cursing at busted veggieburgers is entertaining for kids. 9
Did you know that in gluten-free supermarket aisles they sell red lentil pasta? I didn't, because I happen to love gluten, it's wheat protein, the thing from which my people are made. But they do. Red lentil pasta has tons of protein. Serve with vegan pesto. Relax. Breathe. 10/
That took 10 minutes to "prepare" and you are still a good parent. Your child will live. It's ok. 11/
Other people might cook with tofu, like especially nice thai red/yellow curries with veg & tofu, delicious, but my kid won't eat either sadly, so figure those out for yourselves. He also doesn't eat bread - what the hell. No bread. Only croutons. In soup. GAH. 12/
Next up, microwave baked potatoes, baked beans, veggie sausage. It's a meal, bitches, look it up.

PS: in my house, we call the microwave a "nukerowave" , as in "have you nuked the beans?" - makes cooking more exciting. 13/
So this next one has quorn mince in it, which is not 100% vegan, because it has a small quantity of egg white. We're not religious, though, so whatever. #BadVegan warning ahead. 14/
Chop & fry onion, add some chopped garlic, 2 tins of chopped tomato, 1 bag of quorn mince, bunch of sliced black olives, rosemary, serve with spaghetti. Super yummy. 15/
PS some people are reading this, so fair warning: if this thread is what I become known for on this here internet, I will forever be frikkin resentful as hell. I want to be known for my profound statements on fossil capitalism, not some lazy vegan recipes. End for now/
Minimalist vegan chilli: fry chopped onion, add 2 tins kidney beans, 1 tin chopped tomato, some red chilli flakes, chilli mix powder. Eat with wrap or tacos. Kidney beans are so healthy and tasty, tons of protein. Yum.
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