crazy shit my dad has said/done; a thread

when brenden and i were little, my dad would always tell us he'd put fish hooks through our achilles and hang us from the kitchen doorway

he'd sometimes swap that out with saying he'd give us cement shoes and push us off the north bridge

when i was around 12, i was on the family computer like 20 ft away from my dad. i somehow stumbled upon One Man, One Jar and he.....didn't notice?

once when drunk the night after one of brendens baseball tournaments, he walked into my moms hotel room and lowkey suggested that they should get back together. she said "get out of my room"

the first time my dad got engaged (after the divorce) he texted me a picture of the ring on jessi's hand and said "hope this is okay"

the time he got engaged after that, i found out on facebook.

one time when a bunch of family was camping together my dad was... having a good time, and he was trying to walk to the tent but almost fell into the fire in the process

one time he left my birthday party (i think it was 11) early to drive himself to the county jail because he had to stay overnight

not sure if it's qualified as "crazy ass shit" (it SHOULD be) but my dad REALLY wanted to name brenden 'Tim'

last week, my dad told brenden he couldn't go to his playoff game at 1pm because "the hawks play at 3"

one time i called him and said "let's get breakfast; on me!" and he declined bc he had to shower.

once while making eggs, he found a hard 'chunk' in the yolk of one, and he went "oh look, a little baby chicken" and i haven't been able to eat eggs since.

lowkey forgot ab this thread; just remembered that my dad used to have a breathalyzer in his truck (due to a couple DUIs) and sometimes he'd have brenden and i blow in it as he drove us to school