Gonna gather all of the counterfeit whole canned San marzano tomatoes available in the greater Toronto area then rank them all by flavor and labeling commitment to the ruse

y'all thought I was joking, but my warchest grows

Welp

Okay I should probably actually do something about this, my pantry is getting out of control (SM-labeled on the left, generic on the right for comparison)

[cw food]

spoilers

Still thinking about this pasta, gonna detail my ~methods~ tomorrow

So, how did we figure out what's the best (so far)? Using science! (or, you know, close enough when you're trying to figure out what canned fruigable is best)

Basic steps:

1. Transfer tomatoes to puree with an immersion blender
2. Transfer back to cans after blended
3. Get third person to distribute puree to separate bowls, note separately which tomato is in which bowl
4. Taste, write down reactions

If this were real science we'd be more consistent with presentation and would separate ourselves and quietly takes notes, but since "what do we like best collectively" was ultimately the question, this seemed fine

Also as a reminder, none of this really matters; I got interested in San Marzanos because of the surrounding mysticism in restaurants and the fact that they're an international conspiracy really spoke to me. There are lots of good tomatoes around!

(Though if you're making sauce you should be buying canned basically any time of the year besides August/September, or if you live somewhere tomatoes don't grow as well. It's just better.)

So, there are a few things that folks say San Marzano tomatoes are, which happens to coincide with the platonic tomato ideal:

1. High sweetness
2. Low acidity (tomatoes are good because they serve the culinary function of "acid", but you don't want them sour)

...

3. Mild saltiness (said to be from the volcanic ash in the SM soil)
4. Relatively seedless

These points aren't a conspiracy, tomatoes with these qualities really do taste better/more transparent/fresher! *Especially* in simple sauces, on pizza, etc. where they can really sing

So, easiest approach: put them in a line, taste, compare, think of those first 3 qualities especially. Is it sweet? sour? salty? I promise you'd be able to tell the difference. Focusing in on one ingredient opens up a whole awareness.

For this test we put out four tomatoes with the D.O.P. label and one that was just a regular-ass walmart plum tomato. The results? Well, the regular-ass tomato was pretty much right in the middle. The worst by far? A D.O.P. tomato! The best? D.O.P.s from the Italian market.

The worst kind of gave itself away: the Pastene tomato that lists itself as "with basil" (we couldn't find the basil), and salt in its ingredient list. The best listed only tomato + tomato puree.

The best was one of the D.O.P. tomatoes I had picked up at the specialty Italian market (Centro Trattoria & Formaggio in Toronto, check it out! they rule) - the Molisana brand. It scored higher in every metric. Labeling and history aside, just straight-up the best tomato tasted.

#2, by the way, was the Rega tomatoes also from Centro Trattoria. It wasn't quite as sweet, was a little bit saltier, but still very good. Last place was from No Frills. #4 was from a Lablows. #3 (non-D.O.P.) from Walmart.

Anyway, none of this answers whether or not any of them are authentic (we can't know), though the better tomatoes are more likely to have an Italian phone number you can dial for more information! I haven't tried this yet!

What it does seem to indicate is that a specialty store is most likely going to be vetting their stuff better than you can, since you can't go on price or even really labeling (certainly not graphic design quality)

Funny final point: the Molisanas are only sold in Canada, and they're on http://Amazon.ca : https://www.amazon.ca/Regina-Molisana-Marzano-Tomatoes-milliliters/dp/B07TCF83G6

They have a negative rating because 2/3 of the reviews complained about the cans having dents

So much for customer reviews being helpful