a damn fool:
anon_a_moose
this is normal to be honest
"what would happen if i dumped alcohol into my nitro?"
"you& #39;d fuckin& #39; DIE."
"Drug Use, but it& #39;s a magic potion"
*the call, silent*

lindsey: *typing aggressively* sorry im going on a mini rant right now,,
me: its fine i was eating peanut butter
me: should i eat an entire box of mac and cheese?
lindsey, instantly: YES.
"i fucking HATE this."
"i thought you were going to say & #39;i fucking hate you& #39; and i was going to cry."
"i hate this fucking family."
"this house is a fucking nightmare!!!"
"bro, i better not see that tag again."
"what tag?"
"......bottom tyki."
her: b-r-b *mutes mic*
me: o-k-a-y
*pause*
her: *unmutes mic* did you really just.
me: did you unmute me just to say that?
"are you getting us matching stickers?!"
"I& #39;ve said that TWICE now."
"LISTEN, i am STUPID and DRUNK."
"but mostly stupid!"
for reference bc i apparently dont tweet enough of our (her) headassery
within two minutes of this call her dad is making her try a ghost pepper

"I& #39;ve seen you sniffle over mild taco bell sauce." LMFAOOO ROASTED
he was recording and she said "stop narrating the video" SODKSK THIS IS FUNNY
"i came down here to do the laundry and you offset my plans by, like, seven minutes."
"sheril is fuckin& #39; 34 years old."
"HEY, I& #39;M INTO OLDER MEN."
"I& #39;m about to fuckin& #39; role play with myself.”
"it& #39;s porn with plot. there& #39;s a lot of plot, and they have sex at the end."
"PLOT WITH PORN."
lindsey: devit doesn& #39;t wear underwear.
me:
me: what am i going to DO with that information?
the call: *dead silent*
lindsey: when i was little i used to think hotel was pronounced hotle.
me: ...where did —— why did you say that???
"canitrytopping"
"i just wrote bruisies instead of bruises"
"that& #39;s what wisely calls them"
"are you still there?"
"yeah, im here. i thought you were asleep."
"i was, but then i got spooked and woke up."
"oh. well, im still here."
"im glad."

(from 3 days ago)
we& #39;ve officially called every day for a week this is cute
AN ACTUAL AUDIO CLIP OF OUR DUMB SHIT LMAO https://twitter.com/vaulteve/status/1200611487514947584/video/1">https://twitter.com/vaulteve/...
"you should really tell me to shut the fuck up. im so annoying."
"sometimes i need your dumb shit."
"you don& #39;t wanna hear me talk about how much i love you?"
"maybe i do."
"...um." silence.
"wait, don& #39;t do it."
"OKAY, GOOD."

can someone say https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤡" title="Clownsgesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Clownsgesicht"> https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤡" title="Clownsgesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Clownsgesicht">
tuesday https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💀" title="Schädel" aria-label="Emoji: Schädel"> rofl
her bird voice is cute
"i have... something to say."
"oh, no. i& #39;ll get ready to tweet."
lindsey was talking and she was like "then i filled up my cat —— i mean, my car" and i couldn& #39;t breathe because i said "hehe, you typoed with your mouth"
"fuck it! im gonna punch another shape into another dollar bill."
"do a penis."
"i dont have a penis shape."
"whydon& #39;tihaveapenis?"

"i& #39;m gonna do a whale."
"WHALE THEN."

"...do you want some confetti made out of dollar bills?"
"shit happens."
"yeah. are you done crying like a little bitch?"
"im gonna change my icon for a minute. let& #39;s see how many people i can get to block me."
"is it just gonna be dragon feet?"
this is why i asked you to call, clown https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😘" title="Kusshand zuwerfendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Kusshand zuwerfendes Gesicht"> (from her ig story)
says a year ago but it really could& #39;ve been yesterday
"what if i, like, jumped off a diving board, did a flip, and belly flopped onto someone and knocked them out"
"you painted your entire leg green knowing you didn& #39;t have a cosplay to go with it?"
"yeah, cause i was stupid"
"you still ARE stupid"
what language is this
lindsey, trying not to choke: is it ᵏᵃˢᵗ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵃ ᵏ ᵒʳ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵃ ᶜ?
me: it& #39;s ᵏᵃˢᵗ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵃ ᵏ!
"what do you mean you sent me a code?"
"940--"
"612!"
"you didn& #39;t get one of those letters right you dumb bitch"
"at least i didn& #39;t call them letters :)"
oh okay
"how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop."
"let& #39;s find out."
"one, two, three!"
*silence*
"come on, make the sound!"
"i read a fic the other night where they kinda did that. well, sort of........ there were handcuffs."
"does he at least say canitry topping?"
"no, he says mello."
lindsey: how do you unlock more of your brain power?
me, repeating slowly: how do you unlock more of your /brain power/..?
lindsey: well, it sounds stupid when YOU say it.
she tried to roast me for saying intimate instead of intimate but she pronounced it wrong...
10 hours https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">
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