Remember my Parking Wars from my old house? Well apparently I’m doing another tour of duty at my new spot. Found this note left on my mirror which they turned inward.

My street does alternate side parking so we have to move our cars back & forth during the week.

My apt is like 4 mins from the train so I guess this person was mad thinking I drove 99% of the way to the train station, but then instead of pay for parking at the train, I took up a free spot on the block. Because “after all I don’t live there”

But I do love there. And it’s parked literally directly across the street from my front door. The same way I have parked it back & forth two times a week for about 8 months. So long story short I have to probably burn their house down. At the very least wire their car to explode.

I can’t even begin to describe how much it infuriates me that they took the time to write that note, leave a condescending send off, move my mirror, and it turns out they are dead wrong about the whole thing. Like I am Dennis Reynolds untethered

Please tweet below what you think I should do to respond

UPDATE: there was a BIG confrontation.

So I wrote on the same note “Yes I do” [live there] and I wrote my address & apt. I went to stick it on the passenger side window so that they could see it from their house. As I walked up, a car pulled up in front of that house. A dude hops out of the passenger side.

Hes a big fat walrus lookin MFer. Like 65 yrs old. He walks to the car in the driveway of that house & says “You don’t need to respond to that, I wrote it myself.” I said “well apparently I do need to respond. I live here. Across the street.”

He says “well I didn’t know that!” but in a real asshole manner. Like not acknowledging that it blows up his whole operation. More like doubling down that he doesn’t give a fuck. So I said “well then maybe you should stop writing stupid notes.”

He then just yells “please move your car I’d like to park there.” I start laughing and say no. He yells about how he wants to park in front of his house (OH THE IRONY) but I explain with the alternate side parking, tmrw HE’LL be parking in front of MY apartment on my side

This logic befuddles the Walrus. He has no understanding that the whole block just moves our cars back and forth, finding spots wherever we can, hopefully as close to your home as can be. He begins to yell more, and I say “Deal with it.” and start walking

This ENRAGES him. Arguably as enraged as I was when I first saw his stupid fucking note. We are having a Rage-Off. He says “DEAL WITH IT?!! We’ll see how you deal with it when you got 4 flats” as he drives away to find a new spot and I walk back home to my apt.

PLEASE motherfucker. PLEASE slash my tires. Go ahead and vandalize my fucking Hyundai Tucson. A) I got nothin to lose, I’m petty as fuck, and I got nothin but time (and experience) to have a parking war, & B) you just announced you were gonna be the one slashing the tires, dummy.

Stay tuned! Parking Wars 2.0 is here and we ain’t in Bronxville anymore, Toto. We are in Money Earnin Mount Vernon and I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. I will get a new fucking car and leave that one there if I have to. You wanna get nuts? LETS GET NUTS

Just got home, it’s now been almost a full 24 hrs with my car in front of their house, and as I’m walking into my apt I see them outside talking about me. Bald dude is Larry, he lives in between us. So she’s gossiping to the neighbors I think. You can see the Tucson on the corner

No bullshit, Larry is a Parking Wars offender too. He puts a fucking trash can on the street to “save his spot.” One time I moved it thinking it was left by the garbage men, and I parked. He politely came over and told me some story about how he saves the spot for his sickly mom

It’s totally ridiculous but he was polite about it and I’m not gonna tell him and his sick mom to fuck off, so I moved my car and I don’t take his spot anymore. But his neighbors? The Note Brigade? Oh no no no

Call me Tom Petty. Call me Petty Wap.

There was pollen and dust and leaves and shit on my car. I got a solid 36 hours in that spot. Knowing he kept checking for almost 2 days and I was still there brings me joy.

Then I look up and see that fucking LARRY is up to his old tricks.

Gather round the fire, kids. It’s time for some storytelling...Parking Wars 2.0. Retelling the tale of my neighbor starting what promises to be a never-ending blood feud.

Follow on IG TV for a Mailtime story of this saga: http://Instagram.com/kfcbarstool 

PARKING WARS RESUMES

I got another note on my car.

For context, if you park in the middle of wide open spaces, they leave notes on my car saying that I’m taking up multiple spaces with one car. So I CONSCIOUSLY parked to maximize the number of spaces AND I GET ANOTHER NOTE