1: I had an interesting conversation with a civvie this week, in which she expressed shock when I said that I had really fulfilling, important relationships with my clients. Her response: "But it's so transactional, you can't feel valued!"

2: So I explained to her how the boundaries and 'transactionality' which she perceived as oppressive, in fact are liberating. How that, within them, two people are allowed to be entirely themselves and are more honest than most people often are in civvie dating

3: She literally said to me that I was 'being bought'. When I told her that what was actually being bought was in a sense, an exclusive pocket in time and space, in which two people (or more, you know) BOTH use this time and space, to -

4: create a compartmentalisation, seperate from everything else in our lives. This distance almost serves as a protection, and in these moments we can BOTH be more vulnerable and open about our needs, our desires and our dreams in ways that so often we've learnt -

5: are unsafe! I even explained to her just how differently confessions of truths are within client/provider relationships: you KNOW that when one of you discloses something personal to the other, it's a huge deal. That trust gets built up slowly, and these boundaries -

6: are what create the oppertunity for us to get to know one another. Every step of the way, the trust that's built is never taken for granted. Not in the same way that i've personally experienced civilian relationships, at least!

7: In a nutshell, what I'm saying is that I never feel 'bought' by my clients. I feel cherished - I feel that the man I'm with has reached a point in life, in which he's decided that something sacred, and special, and private, is worth investing in -

8: In similar way to how investing in a great therapist is an investment in ourselves, I see investing in a companion as an investment in ourselves. It's an investment in learning and unlearning the ways that we relate to ourselves as intimate beings, deserving of connection -

9: It was a longer rant than I've managed to condense into this thread. But I knew my job was done when she paused after I finally stopped to breath, and she quietly asked "So... how did you say you started in this line of work?"

10: Ps - I don't want to give the impression to newbies that this sort of connection occurs all the time, and that with every single date you'll meet a different version of The One in client form. But these connection do grow, and when they do, you'll know it.

11: Have I had horrible clients? Yes. Clients who made me feel used? Most definitely. But have I also had clients who became trusted confidantes who I miss & have genuine care for? Yes. And those clients - they've made every rude, cheapskate jerk worth it. A thousand times over.

(and you know damn well who you are )