"Once again from the top, please, Kook-ah?"

Jungkook fidgets where he stands in front of the mic. It's only him and Yoongi in the Genius Lab, and Yoongi has him singing a rough guide for a new track he's producing--and now would be the perfect time to tell him.

It's rare that him and Yoongi are alone together like this, with no one else around--their schedules often mix with other people, or are completely separate. It would be so easy to just say, 'Hyung I like boys and also I like you'.

But the words get stuck in his throat.

He must have been quiet for too long, because Yoongi looks up from the computer screen to catch Jungkook's gaze.

"Jungkook-ah? You alright?"

Jungkook swallows, trying to force the sentence off his tongue, cheeks prickling with heat as the silence stretches on.

Yoongi's expression shifts, and he looks concerned, opening his mouth to say something else when--

"Hyung do you like boys?"

That's not what he wanted to say. He snaps his mouth shut as soon as the words tumble from his lips and Yoongi's eyes widen in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

Jungkook's face is burning, and this is his chance to right himself, to say what he really wants to say, but Yoongi's staring at him and his palms are sweaty and instead he says, "I mean... do you... like boys?"

Yoongi presses his lips together. He studies Jungkook for a second, then leans over in his chair, turning off the recording software. He rolls his computer chair across the room, then gestures to the sofa now beside him.

"Come sit, Jungkook-ah."

Jungkook hunches in on himself, shoulders stiff as he shuffles across the room towards where Yoongi is. He lowers himself onto the sofa, and stares at his hands, aware of Yoongi's eyes on him the entire time.

"What's going on, Kookie?" He asks, and his tone is so soft.

It makes Jungkook feel small, and he wants to look up, to meet Yoongi's gaze, but he can't manage it. He'd much rather the sofa swallow him whole instead.

"I..." He starts, and then clears his throat. Tries again. "I just..." He struggles to find the words.

"You just want to know if I like boys?" Yoongi asks, so gently, and since Jungkook can't seem to manage anything else, he just nods.

It's quiet for a few breaths, and then Yoongi says, "Yes, Jungkook-ah, I like boys."

Jungkook lifts his head in surprise,

finally meeting Yoongi's gaze.

"You do?" He asks, and he sounds small.

"I do, Kookie." He speaks so softly. "Why do you ask?"

Jungkook drops his head again, back to staring at his hands in his lap. He can still feel Yoongi's eyes on him, studying him.

"I've been..." He trails off, struggling to slow down his thoughts, the heavy feeling in his chest, the twist in his gut. "You know how I've been growing my hair out? And--and I got those tattoos? And another piercing?"

"I do."

"Yeah." Jungkook says.

Jungkook glances back up at Yoongi, to find his eyebrows pinched. "And that made you want to know if I like boys?"

"Yes." And then-- "No."

Yoongi still looks like he's not following. Jungkook isn't sure if he is himself either.

"I don't know."

Yoongi runs a hand over the back of his neck. "Kookie, Hyung can't help if you don't tell me what's going on."

Jungkook hunches in on himself again. The words are back, fighting on the tip of his tongue. I like boys and I like you. I like boys and I like you. I like boys and--

"I like... boys." He says, and all his breath rushes out of his chest at once, leaving him light headed. "I think I'm--" The word /gay/ catches in his throat, and he can't get it out, it sounds so harsh, so final, so he just swallows it down and nods. "Yeah."

"Oh." Yoongi says. "Oh. Kookie, that's... that's fine. That's okay, yeah?"

Jungkook nods. "Yeah." He takes in a deep breath, summoning his courage, sitting up straight and squaring his shoulders as he looks at Yoongi again. "And--and I know I like boys because I like--"

You, the word goes unsaid, catching in his throat once again. Frustration boils in his chest. "I like... someone." He manages.

"Oh." Yoongi says again. "Jungkook, that's okay. Liking boys is normal, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Jungkook breathes. "I know."

"I know it's not something we usually talk about... but... it's okay. You're okay."

Jungkook closes his eyes. "I know."

Yoongi hesitates. "Does anyone else know?"

"No. Just... just you, Hyung."

"Is it something you want to tell anyone else?"

Jungkook doesn't have to think. "Yes. I want the members to know, too. But I..." Jungkook struggles with himself again. Takes another breath. "I wanted you to know first."

Jungkook doesn't look up, but he sees Yoongi lean over in his peripheral vision, and feels his hand settle on his head, fingers slowly carding in his long hair.

"Ah." Yoongi says. "Thank you for trusting me, Kookie."

Jungkook tries not to lean too heavily into his touch.

"Will you..."

"Hmm?"

"Will you help me? Tell them?"

He doesn't have to look up to know Yoongi is smiling. "Of course I will, Jungkookie. Hyung is always here for you."

~~~

Jungkook tells them a week later, with Yoongi standing just behind him, his hand warm and comforting on Jungkook's lower back, a reassuring touch.

They all take it well, of course they do. They promise they still love him. He may have cried a bit, but it's okay.

It's a month later now, and Jungkook is back in Yoongi's studio. It's just the two of them again; Hoseok had brought them chicken, and they're sitting together on the sofa, food spread between them, conversation flowing easily, only giving way for them to chew their food.

They've just finished recording the final draft for Yoongi's song. Yoongi looks happy, eyes crinkled, smiling even as he eats.

Jungkook aches.

"Hyung." He says, as they're finishing up, wiping his hands on a paper towel. "Can I... ask you something?"

"Go ahead, Kook-ah."

Jungkook fidgets with the paper towel in his hands, begins to pull at the edges, tearing the soft tissue.

"Have you... have you ever kissed a boy?"

Yoongi pauses from where he was about to move away the food boxes.

"Yes, I have." Yoongi answers slowly.

Jungkook nods. "And... and what was it like?"

"It was the same as kissing a girl, really." Yoongi says, returning to stacking the boxes and pushing them to the side.

"Oh." Jungkook says. And then, quieter, "I wouldn't know."

"Kook-ah?"

"You know... I was 13, when I first joined Big Hit."

Yoongi stops moving, focusing back on Jungkook. "I know."

"And... and ever since then, my focus has been on the group. The company. Practicing and performing."

Yoongi nods. "That was my focus, too."

"But..." Jungkook continues. "I had never dated anyone before then. I was only 13. And then I didn't have time after that. And now... I'm 23 now, Hyung. And I've never dated anyone. And I've... I've never kissed anyone."

Yoongi is quiet. Jungkook takes in a deep breath. "You say kissing boys is the same as kissing girls, but I've never done either."

Jungkook finally looks up, to see Yoongi's expression is unreadable. He pushes on, not letting himself chicken out like he did last time.

It's all he could think about, since the last time he and Yoongi were sitting here together in this room. The things he couldn't say. The things he wants.

"Hyung, I want..." He sucks in a breath, clenching his fists in his lap. "Can you--can you show me what kissing feels like?"

He watches as Yoongi's eyes widen, as his lips part slightly in surprise. He doesn't say anything, and Jungkook's fingers ache where he's clenching them, pulse loud in his ears.

He's about to take it back, laugh it off maybe, when Yoongi says; "Is that what you want?"

"Yes." Jungkook says, as at the exact same time he thinks, no, he doesn't want it like this, but he doesn't think he could ever have what he really wants, so this could only ever be enough--

"Okay, then." Yoongi says quietly. "Hyung will show you."

The space on the sofa between them is clear, and Yoongi shuffles closer, shifting so he's now kneeling, sitting back on his legs, and at this angle he's able to look down at Jungkook.

And once again, Jungkook feels so small, trying to quiet his breathing, trying to pretend like

his heart isn't currently beating in his throat as he looks up at Yoongi.

Yoongi reaches forward, and the tips of his fingers skim across Jungkook's cheekbone, so softly Jungkook can barely feel it. So he covers Yoongi's hand with his own, pressing into his cheek.

Yoongi's cheeks are flushed pink, Jungkook notices, no doubt mirroring his own. But Yoongi seems to hesitate then, his eyes flickering between Jungkook's own.

"It's okay, Hyung." Jungkook says, and he already sounds breathless. "Show me."

A small noise escapes from Yoongi's mouth, and Jungkook has no time to question it before suddenly Yoongi is leaning forward and pressing his lips softly to Jungkook's.

Jungkook likes romance movies. He's read love stories a lot too, been teased about it by the members.

In all the movies he's watched, all the books he's read, they all describe the first kiss as being like fireworks. As something explosive, sizzling under the skin, heated and heavy and life changing.

Jungkook feels none of that.

The kiss is gentle, a soft press of lips against lips, smooth and delicate. But his lips tingle at the contact, and his gut churns with heat, goosebumps breaking out across his skin. Because it's Yoongi, who is pressed against his mouth, his Hyung, who he's liked for so long.

It's not euphoria, but it's home, and that somehow feels even better than the rush of fireworks he'd learned to expect from fiction.

Yoongi moves back, breaking the contact after a short moment. Yoongi's expression is intense, as he watches Jungkook, waiting for a reaction.

"Hyung," Jungkook breathes.

"Jungkook-ah."

"Can you--can you do that again?"

Jungkook's eyes slide closed as Yoongi leans forward, closing the distance to press their lips together once again. But it's different, this time, Yoongi is moving his lips against Jungkook's, and Jungkook finds himself subconsciously copying the movements.

Their lips slot together, less of a simple press, and more that they're moving together, chasing sensation. Jungkook feels sort of clumsy, as he tries to copy Yoongi, as he tries to temper down the need that's running through his veins, the urge to touch more, to taste more.

Taste, he wants to taste more, he wants to taste Yoongi--and it seems Yoongi is thinking the same thing, because suddenly Jungkook feels a wet tongue swiping across his bottom lip, and he opens his mouth in response, tentatively reaching out to meet Yoongi's tongue with his own.

An abrupt sound escapes from Yoongi's lips, and Jungkook swallows it, suddenly hungry for more, unable to stop himself from tugging Yoongi forward, chasing the touch of his lips, the taste of Yoongi now on his tongue.

Yoongi is the one to eventually break the kiss again, and Jungkook finds himself panting, becoming aware of himself again, and realising suddenly that somehow, he'd tugged Yoongi up and onto his lap.

Yoongi seems to realise this as the same time, eyes widening, cheeks red.

But his breathing is shallow too, and Jungkook's hand is settled at his waist, clutching at the fabric of his shirt.

"Jungkook." Yoongi says, and his voice is low, rougher than before.

Jungkook licks his lips. Watches as Yoongi follows the movement.

"You've always been a fast learner." Yoongi says, and Jungkook swallows heavily.

"I--yeah." He says, not sure how to respond.

Yoongi purses his lips, pulling himself away from Jungkook's lap and back to the sofa beside him. "So that--that's what kissing feels like."

"Oh." Jungkook says. His heart hasn't slowed down, still thumping heavily in his chest. "T-thank you for showing me, Hyung."

"Of course." Yoongi says. He's looking at a spot somewhere across the room. "Hyung is always here for you."

"Yeah."

The air feels heavy, and Jungkook doesn't like it. He stands, pulling at the strings of his hoodie. This wasn't a good idea. He knew, but he selfishly wanted it anyway--"I--I should go. I've got vocal lessons soon." He strides quickly across the room, to the door.

He can't look at Yoongi's face, so he keeps his eyes cast to the floor as he pulls the door open. "I--yeah. Thanks again, Hyung. Bye."

He leaves quickly, not waiting for Yoongi to respond, feeling stifled in the small space.

[ thank you for reading!!! this is all for now, but there is definitely more to this story that will be coming soon!

let me know what you think! and please remember to not reply to the thread, just quote rt. thank you <3 ] https://curiouscat.me/yoongilip 

When Jungkook enters the shared living room of their dorm, Hoseok is laying on the sofa, head propped up on the armrest, phone resting on his chest as he idly scrolls. Taehyung is sitting on the floor by his feet, absorbed in his Nintendo Switch.

Neither of them look up when Jungkook enters, and so Jungkook throws himself down on top of Hoseok, the older letting out a huffed "oof" under his weight.

"Hi, Jungkook." He wheezes as Jungkook attempts to make himself comfortable, Hoseok's hands crushed under his chest.

"Hi." He says, burying his face into Hoseok's chest. Hoseok pulls his arms free, wrapping them around Jungkook's frame, resting his phone above Jungkook's head so he can keep scrolling. They fall into comfortable silence.

Jungkook peeks up at Hoseok, wriggling his arm up to pinch at his double-chin.

"Fuck off." Hoseok says without heat, not doing anything to stop Jungkook's prodding.

"Where is everyone else?"

"Dunno." Taehyung says from behind him. He pats Jungkook's ass. "Just us here."

Hoseok's phone vibrates against the top of Jungkook's head with a message. Jungkook watches as Hoseok's eyebrows raise, and he glances down at Jungkook's face.

"Why is Yoongi asking me to check in with you to make sure you're okay?"

Warmth immediately floods Jungkooks face.

"No reason." He says quickly, burying his face back into the fabric of Hoseok's shirt. The sound of Taehyung's game stops, and Jungkook hears him shift before he speaks next, sounding closer.

"Did something happen?"

"No." Jungkook says, sounding muffled as he speaks into Hoseok's chest. "Nothing happened."

It's quiet for a moment.

"Kook-ah. Yoongi wouldn't text like this if he wasn't worried about something." Hoseok says, voice soft as his hand comes to scrunch in Jungkook's hair.

"Did you guys have a fight?" Taehyung asks. "You were recording with him earlier, right? Was he being a hard-ass? Want me to beat him up?"

Jungkook sighs, seemingly deflating into Hoseok's hold. He lifts his head, blinking bearily. "No, he didn't do anything. It was--me."

Hoseok frowns, and then he shifts, pulling himself up. Jungkook shuffles down so they're now sitting facing each other on the sofa, Taehyung still sitting on the floor below them.

"Tell your Hyungs what's going on." Hoseok says, and it sounds like he's giving no room to say no.

Jungkook knows his face is pink, and he looks down to his hands in his lap, playing with the end of his shirt.

"You know how I--" Jungkook winces, and has to take a moment before he can speak the words. "How I came out to you guys?"

Even though he knows they're okay with it, it still feels weird to say--to acknowledge out loud. But they just nod, unflinching, waiting for him to continue as if it truly is no big deal to them.

Jungkook bites at his bottom lip, chest feeling tight.

"I did it because--well, I did it for myself. And because I trust you guys. But also because--because--I like someone." Jungkook lets out a shaky breath. He glances up at Hoseok's face. "I like him so much, and I--I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with it."

"Kook-ah," Hoseok says gently, "it's okay to have a crush on someone. It's--"

"It's not just a crush." Jungkook says. Hoseok blinks in surprise at the interruption. "I'm in love with him."

Jungkook shrinks under the weight of their stares.

"Do we know him?" Taehyung asks.

Jungkook nods.

"Did you tell Yoongi-hyung? Is that why he's worried about you?" Taehyung shuffles forward so he can rest his chin on Jungkook's knee, looking up at him with wide eyes.

Jungkook shakes his head, feels his face redden further. "I didn't tell Yoongi-hyung."

"What's going on, Kook-ah?" Hoseok asks, voice soft.

Jungkook swears he can still taste Yoongi on his lips. He should never have done that. Should never have brought it up.

It's just making it worse, because now he knows exactly what he can't ever have.

"I did something stupid." He says quietly. The words sit heavy on his tongue, and he closes his eyes, focusing on the warmth of Taehyung beside him, and Hoseok in front of him. Two of his best friends, his brothers. People he can trust. "I fell in love with Yoongi-hyung."

He keeps his eyes closed, unwilling to see their reactions. There's a beat of silence.

"Oh no, Jungkookie." Taehyung says, and Jungkook hears movement, the sofa dipping behind him before Taehyung's arms are dragging him back into a tight hug. "No, that's not stupid."

Jungkook clutches at Taehyung's arms, and impossibly feels tears prickle his eyes. He tries to blink them away.

"Love is not stupid." Taehyung continues, finally adjusting Jungkook until he's comfortably sitting in Taehyung's lap, his legs thrown over the side.

"It's not." Jungkook agrees quietly. "But falling in love with your bandmate is."

Taehyung's arms around him tighten, and Jungkook buries his face in Taehyung's chest, still fighting away his tears.

"It's not stupid." Taehyung says fiercely. "Your feelings aren't stupid."

Across from them, Hoseok is still sitting quietly, watching them. Jungkook doesn't want to look at him. Of all the people in the group, besides Namjoon, Hoseok is closest with Yoongi. He knows Yoongi the best, understands him the most.

Jungkook is terrified of his reaction.

Jungkook doesn't see, but above his head, Taehyung gives Hoseok a look, which finally stirs him from his thoughts. He shifts closer, bringing his hand up to card through Jungkook's hair.

"Kook-ah," he says softly. Jungkook's tears threaten to spill at the sound of his voice.

He won't let them. He doesn't want to cry.

"Kook-ah," Hoseok repeats, voice quiet, "it's not stupid."

He doesn't want to cry, but the tears finally start to fall anyway. He makes a frustrated sound, trying to hide his face, but Hoseok must have seen anyway.

"No, Jungkookie, don't cry. It's okay. It's alright."

Taehyung makes a noise of concern, holding Jungkook even tighter against him. "It's really okay."

"No, I'm not--" Jungkook sniffles. "I'm not crying. I'm okay. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, I'm being stupid."

"Don't you dare, you're not being stupid." Taehyung says, voice loud where Jungkook has his ear pressed to his chest.

"I am. Just--just ignore my crying, please? I don't want to talk about that."

Hoseok's fingers continue to pull softly through his hair.

"It's okay to cry if you're upset."

Jungkook sniffs again. "But I'm not upset. I'm just... I'm just being stupid."

"Stop saying that." Taehyung chastises. "Your feelings are not stupid."

"Jungkook-ah..." Hoseok begins. He pauses for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts.

"Jungkook-ah, can you look at me?"

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, still trying to fight the tears, before pulling away slightly from Taehyung's chest so he can meet Hoseok's gaze.

Hoseok's eyes are warm, and he smiles at Jungkook, encouraging. Jungkook swallows heavily.

"I think... you being in love with Yoongi-hyung isn't stupid."

Jungkook flinches as he says it, not used to hearing it be said out loud. Not used to someone else saying it.

"We know Hyung, right? We know him. Are you worried he'd be mad? Or upset? We know he wouldn't."

"Hyung cares about you so much, Jungkookie. He wouldn't judge you. He wouldn't do that."

Fresh tears fall from Jungkook's eyes, and Hoseok wipes them away with his thumb.

"I think..." Hoseok pauses, considering his next words, speaking slowly.

"I don't think Hyung would mind at all."

Jungkook lets out a breath. "You don't know that. Not with after today."

"Today?" Taehyung asks.

Jungkook wants to shrink into himself. "Something happened, and I think, if Hyung knew... I think he'd be mad. At me."

"Yoongi-hyung would never be mad at you." Taehyung states simply. Hoseok hums his agreement.

"You don't know what happened."

"If you don't want to tell us, you don't have to." Hoseok's eyes are still so soft. "But I can promise you, Hyung could never be mad. Not at you."

"Never at you." Taehyung agrees.

Jungkook feels something twist in his chest. "I don't... know..."

"If you're worried about whatever happened today, I think you should talk it through with him." Hoseok says. "Then you will know."

It doesn't feel that simple.

Jungkook knows what he should do. He's known all along. He knows he shouldn't have just left like that, run away without talking to Yoongi.

But just the thought of talking it through makes his throat close up, makes his heart pound in his ears. It feels impossible.

"I want to go lie down." Jungkook admits quietly.

Hoseok nods in understanding. "Would you like one of us to come with you?"

Jungkook nods. Taehyung squeezes him. "I'll lie down with you, Jungkook-ah."

"Thank you."

Hoseok brushes Jungkook's cheek gently.

"It'll work out, Kook-ah. Things will be okay."

Jungkook hums an acknowledgement. Taehyung moves, unwrapping his arms from around Jungkook and pulling them both to their feet.

Hoseok watches after them as Taehyung leads them to Jungkook's room, his gaze gentle.

~~~

Jungkook and Yoongi don't talk about it.

They never get an opportunity to. Their schedules don't line up again for a while, both so busy with their own things. And whenever they are together, it's usually with everyone else there as well.

And Jungkook doesn't force it.

They don't talk about it, and it's fine. Jungkook is fine. Things are fine. He's dealing with it, and it's not an issue.

"Kook-ah."

Jungkook freezes, halfway out of the bathroom. It's sometime after midnight and he'd gotten up to use the toilet and grab a glass of water.

And standing in the dark hall, illuminated by the light of his open bedroom door, is Yoongi.

Jungkook swallows around a sudden lump in his throat, gingerly closing the bathroom door behind him with a soft click.

"Hyung." He says. He doesn't know where to look.

So he looks at the floor, determined not to meet Yoongi's tired eyes, and continues on with his original plan; get water, and then go back to bed.

Yoongi huffs behind him as he turns and begins to walk away.

"Kook-ah, are you avoiding me?"

"No, Hyung." He says over his shoulder, padding into the kitchen. He hears the shuffle of Yoongi following after him, and keeps his eyes on his hands as he opens the fridge and reaches in for the bottled water.

"I'm sorry I've been so busy." Yoongi says quietly as Jungkook sips from his bottle. "I've been wanting to talk."

Jungkook lowers the bottle from his lips. "There's nothing to talk about, Hyung."

"Kook-ah." Yoongi says, his tone suddenly hard. Jungkook flinches.

"Really, Hyung."

"Then why can't you look me in the eye, Jungkook-ah?"

Jungkook's grip tightens on the bottled water, slowly dragging his gaze up from the floor, up to Yoongi's face. His mouth is set in a pout, the one he gets when he's serious, eyes narrowed.

But as soon as Jungkook meets his eyes, Yoongi's gaze softens. The pout smoothes out a little.

"Jungkook-ah." He says, tone gentle once again, taking a small step forward. "Hyung is sorry."

Jungkook's eyes widen. "Sorry? Why--what for?"

"Hyung made you uncomfortable--I wasn't thinking, and I hurt you, and I'm sorry for that."

"Uncomfortable?" Jungkook repeats, confused. "Hurt me?"

Yoongi nods. "I took things too far. I--I took advantage of you. I shouldn't have."

Yoongi takes in a breath. "I promised to be there for you but I wasn't."

Jungkook sets his water bottle down onto the counter, stricken, wanting to reach out. "Hyung, no, you didn't--you didn't do anything wrong. I did something wrong. I'm the one who is sorry."

"I shouldn't have asked that of you." Jungkook says, now in a rush to get all his words out. "I put pressure on you and as my Hyung you feel responsible and I shouldn't have asked that of you and put you in that position and you did nothing wrong I promise it's all on me."

Jungkook is rambling, he knows he's rambling but he's nervous once again and the words just won't stop. "It's my fault, you didn't have to but I asked anyway and I knew it was a bad idea but I just really wanted to do it and I asked you because I trust you but I broke that and--"

"Jungkook-ah, breathe for Hyung."

Jungkook gasps in a breath, and Yoongi is right in front of him now, reaching out to take his hand and squeeze it.

"It's alright. I don't blame you for anything. You were just--it's an experience you wanted to have, and I said yes."

Jungkook nods, heat flaring up in his cheeks as Yoongi looks up at him from so close.

"As your Hyung, I... should have handled this better. I'm sorry."

"Hyung, no--"

"Jungkook-ah. It's fine."

Jungkook pouts, and Yoongi smiles warmly at him, gaze still soft.

"And you haven't broken my trust." Yoongi hesitates a moment, and then in a quiet voice, says, "Hyung still loves you very much."

It's exactly what Jungkook wants to hear... except it isn't. The words aren't at all the way he wants them to mean.

Jungkook squeezes Yoongi's hand.

Jungkook takes a moment to indulge himself. Blame it on the fact that it's the middle of the night, and he's sleepy, and they're standing alone, so close together.

He brings a hand up to brush it across Yoongi's cheek, just as Yoongi had done to him the last time.

"I love you too." Jungkook says, heart fluttering in his chest, meaning every word--meaning it in a completely different way than Yoongi will ever realise. An open secret.

There's something unreadable in Yoongi's eyes. Jungkook can't take looking at him anymore.

He picks up his water bottle, mumbles a quick goodnight, and makes his escape back to his own bedroom.

He lays in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, until Namjoon is knocking on his door to wake him up for their morning schedules.

~~~

Jungkook knows what kissing Yoongi feels like. He knows what kissing Yoongi tastes like.

And he's not dealing with it. It's not fine. Things are not okay. It is an issue.

He needs to do something about it.

It's the afternoon, and he's staring at the death screen of his game, not making any moves to start over and respawn his character.

Everyone else has gone out. Everyone but Jimin, who he knows is taking a nap in his room. The dorm is quiet.

Jungkook bites at his lip. The game chat is starting to flood with his teammates yelling at him to get back into the match. He can hear their voices from his headset too, discarded to the side, sitting useless on his desk.

He makes his decision. He quits his game.

He knocks gently on Jimin's door but doesn't wait for an answer before letting himself in.

Jimin is cucooned inside a mountain of blankets, laying on his side, bare-faced and bleary eyed as he squints at his phone. He looks up as Jungkook enters.

"Kook-ah." He greets, cutting off with a wide yawn. "What's up?"

Jungkook approaches the bed, and when he doesn't answer, Jimin takes his attention fully away from his phone to study his face. Then he puts his phone down, and lifts the blankets, offering Jungkook a spot.

Jungkook gets in immediately, cuddling up to Jimin as Jimin wraps the blankets around them both and readjusts his arms around Jungkook comfortably.

"Hey." Jimin says quietly.

Jungkook hums, closing his eyes, face buried under Jimin's chin.

Jimin doesn't say anything else, his hand coming up to gently card through Jungkook's long hair, tension immediately easing from Jungkook's body, his muscles unclenching as he melts into Jimin's touch.

He lets out a long breath, letting himself sit in just this moment for a bit.

But he came here for a reason, so he doesn't let himself idle for too long--he shifts himself up to rest his head on the pillow, so he's now face-to-face with Jimin, whose hand moves to the side of his head to play with the hair around his ear.

"What's up?" Jimin asks again.

Jungkook bites at his lip, nerves once again settling into his stomach.

"Hyung, I... can I... ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Well, it's... more of a favour, I guess?"

"You can ask me anything, Jungkookie."

Jungkook looks into Jimin's eyes. Yoongi's kiss is still so fresh in his mind.

He needs this.

"Can you do something for me?"

Jungkook frowns. "Have you... have you ever kissed anyone?"

Jimin's eyebrows raise just slightly, but he doesn't look perturbed, just gently curious. "Yeah, I have."

"What was it like?"

"It was... it was fine. Good, I suppose. I enjoyed it. Why do you ask, Kook-ah?"

"You've dated?" Jungkook continues.

"You know this, Kook-ah. I had a girlfriend but nothing really happened with her. And I had a boyfriend for a little while, after debut, but you know how that turned out too. Really, why are you asking so suddenly?"

Jungkook swallows heavily, pushing past the explosion of nerves now making a home in his chest. He needs to do this. He needs to try /something/.

"Hyung, can you... show me what kissing is like?"

Jimin blinks, but his expression doesn't change.

"Kookie..." He says.

"Please, Hyung. I need to know. It... it doesn't mean anything. I just want to know."

Jimin's brows furrow as he searches Jungkook's face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Hyung. I'm sure."

Jimin gives him a small smile. "You're cute, Jungkookie. Alright, I'll show you. Just copy what I do, okay? It's easy."

Jungkook nods.

"Close your eyes, Jungkookie. Go by feel."

Jungkook does, feeling Jimin push back Jungkook's hair from his face. And then he leans in.

Immediately, it feels different to Yoongi. Jimin's lips are bigger, a little softer--but his kiss isn't as soft, or as slow. He kisses with intent, with leading direction, and Jungkook finds himself naturally going where Jimin leads him. Jimin's kiss takes, and Jungkook gives.

It feels good. Where Jimin's hand rests on the side of his face, where his nose brushes beside Jungkook's, his lips pillowy and sweet and it's really, really nice.

But it doesn't feel the same. Jungkook's heart doesn't flutter in his chest. His breath doesn't catch in his lungs.

Kissing Yoongi was warmth, was comfort, it was safety and knowing and--and love.

Kissing Jimin feels wonderful and there's trust there--familiarity, even when kissing--but.

But.

Jungkook abruptly pulls away, frustration curling at his lip, tears prickling at his eyes.

It's not the same. It's not the same, and it just makes him ache even more, his heart too big in his chest, a hot flush running down his back.

"Jungkook? What's wrong?"

"You were supposed to feel the same." Jungkook says, and he feels the tears finally spill. "You were supposed to be the same and he wouldn't have been special and I could have moved on and not--not cared but--"

"Hey, Jungkook-ah, take a deep breath for me, please?"

Jungkook gasps in a wet breath, tears running free down his face, staining Jimin's pillow. Jimin wipes at his face with his thumb, murmuring for Jungkook to keep breathing.

"I'm sorry." Jungkook hiccups. "I've made a mess of it all and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Don't talk, Jungkookie, just keep breathing for me. It's okay. I'm right here with you." Jimin pulls him in, letting Jungkook bury his face into Jimin's chest, sobbing freely, every single emotion he's tried to bury and ignore spilling from him all at once.

Jungkook cries it out into Jimin's shirt, trying to match his breathing with the steady rise and fall of Jimin's chest, doesn't pull himself away until he does. His tears slowly stop falling, and he sniffs as he pulls away to see Jimin's concerned expression.

"I'm sorry." Jungkook manages. "I didn't--I didn't mean to cry."

"It's alright, Kook-ah." Jimin says gently. "But can you tell me what's going on? I'm worried."

Jungkook sniffs again.

"Please don't be mad."

Jimin purses his lips, once again running his fingers through Jungkook's hair. "I won't be mad. Tell me what this is about. Slowly."

Jungkook feels a fresh round of tears threaten to fall at the thought of recounting it all, but he charges forward.

"I... I'm in love with Yoongi-hyung." Jungkook swallows. "Have been for years. And--a few weeks ago, I... asked him the same thing I asked you. To show me how to kiss. And--and he did."

Jimin hums, now gently playing with the earrings in Jungkook's ear.

"And it was... well. Anyway, I didn't know how to act, after, so I avoided him. Until the other night, he caught me out in the hall when everyone was asleep, and we talked, and it was fine, but--but I. I don't feel fine. I love him. But he doesn't love me."

Jungkook blinks heavily a few times, fighting down more tears. "And today, I thought that--that maybe kissing just felt like that with everyone. If it did, if it was normal, it would mean--he wasn't special. I could kiss someone else and not remember him. It would be the same."

Jungkook looks up to meet Jimin's eyes, Jimin's expression carefully blank. "But it doesn't feel the same. It's still there. I can still feel him. Kissing you felt nice but it didn't feel like it did with Yoongi." Jungkook's bottom lip wobbles. "I want it to go away."

"That's not how love works, Jungkook-ah." Jimin admonishes. "And you should have been upfront with me. Asking me to kiss you without explaining any of this--it's not good."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just--thought it would work. That it would help."

Jimin's expression softens.

"I love you, but you're really dumb sometimes."

Jungkook gives Jimin a watery smile. "I know I am. No need to rub it in."

Jimin smiles back, patting Jungkook's cheek gently. "I forgive you. But I think you need to talk to Yoongi-hyung."

Jungkook's smile fades.

"Don't say no, Jungkook. I think you need to talk this through with him. Properly. Tell him what's really going on." Jimin pauses. "We've all noticed something was up. With the both of you."

Jungkook winces. "I'm sorry."

"You should be honest with him. So you can both sort this out. You can't sit on this forever, Jungkook. It'll just eat away at you, and become worse."

Jungkook's expression withers even further. "But what if I don't want to?"

"You need to. For the both of you."

Jungkook pouts heavily.

"And no more asking your Hyungs to kiss you. This is messy enough as it is."

Jungkook sighs, gaze drooping. "I know. This... it really is all my fault."

Jimin gives him a sympathetic smile. "A little. But you can fix it. I know you can."

Jungkook looks up to meet Jimin's eyes again. Jimin brings up a fist between them, and adds, "Jungkook fighting!"

Jungkook snorts. "Don't do that."

Jimin grins at him, grabbing Jungkook's hand in his own and shaking it. "Jungkook fighting~!"

"I will leave."

"No, you're not allowed now. You made me suffer through kissing you, you'll stay for naps and cuddles." Jimin throws himself over Jungkook, pinning him in place. Jungkook exaggerates a groan, a smile pulling at his lips as Jimin buries his face into Jungkook's neck.

"Fine, I suppose I can do that."

Jimin wriggles happily. "Good. Now close your eyes. I was about to fall asleep before you interrupted me."

Jungkook wraps an arm around Jimin, shifting to get a little more comfortable under his weight.

He is exhausted from crying.

And he hasn't been sleeping well lately, either.

Maybe a nap wouldn't be the worst idea in the world right now.

He could use a rest.

~~~

((that's it for this update! thank you for waiting~ I really appreciate you! please look forward to the next update!

as always, quote retweets are appreciated and my CC is open. do not reply directly to this thread!)) https://curiouscat.me/yoongilip