As this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to say some things.

First, whether you feel you are in an abusive relationship or not, please learn about the cycle of abuse, signs of an abusive relationship (there’s not just physical abuse, but financial abuse, (1/9)

emotional abuse, and more), gaslighting, and laws and organizations in your area related to abuse.

Please remember if you feel someone is in an abusive relationship to say something, but don’t be angry if they don’t want to listen. Just make sure you check in on them, (2/9)

remind them you are always there, and remember that getting out is hard, that it takes an average of seven tries, and that leaving is the most dangerous time.

Please, no matter your relationship status, have your own access to funds, have a plan B, C, D. Even if (3/9)

you don’t need to run away, this will help if anything unexpected happens. You need to be able to rely on your own power.

Document things. Keep a journal (preferably digital) of things. It can help center you when you doubt yourself should you decide to leave. It (4/9)

will help you build your case if you ever need to go to court for divorce and/or custody.

Remember that hitting walls and slamming doors and breaking things are threats, are meant to scare you. They are abuse.

Remember you are not responsible for their actions. If (5/9)

they threaten or commit suicide, it is not your fault. It is manipulation.

Remember, if you have kids, that it is better to leave and be a single parent than have them see and normalize abuse. To have them repeat the cycle.

Remember you have worth, that you deserve (6/9)

safety, happiness, love. Remember that you can be with someone and still be lonelier than by yourself. Remember there are much worse things than being single.

Remember, too, that when you leave, you will leave things behind. Don’t delay leaving because you want (7/9)

to keep things the same. You can rebuild your life. You can buy new things. You can’t replace yourself or your children.

I left, and my story is crazier than a Korean drama. I have helped others leave. The stories we carry are dark, heavy, and full of regrets. But (8/9)

like phoenixes, we can rise. We can become stronger. Even if we have to reduce ourselves to ashes first, we can do it.

Again:

You deserve safety

You deserve happiness

You deserve love

And you are not alone.

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