eigenrobots theory and practice of complimenting people!!!!

a thread, inspired by a lovely metacompliment

part one: how to give compliment's

1. notice something you like in someone else

2. tell them you like it

this is perhaps harder than you might think. both steps require Art

noticing something you like in someone else may be harder for some people than others.

my suspicion is that complimenting may be difficult for misanthropists, for example, if they are not inclined to notice beauty in their fellow man; or for those who react with fear to social

fortunately this is a skill that may be consciously trained

for example

make a list of ten people in your life

go down that list and for each think of something about them that is laudatory

it doesnt need to be a big thing--often subtleties are better than prominent traits

eventually, you can learn to see Good in others reflexively

beyond embiggening ones Charm, this is an important trait to develop for living a happy life

(naturally it should be tempered with Prudence but the impulse ought to be there)

suppose you have noticed something you like about someone. How do you tell them?

"I like it that you X" is a good start! And it will quite generally be well-received. You don't need to go past this.

being really masterful in delivery is harder. here is the pith of it.

people live in their own stories. a deeply-felt compliment will be one that lets them tell a better story about themselves.

to do this thoroughly--and I'm not sure it can be done entirely consciously--one must have some intuition about another's story; show their intuition; and guide the complimentee to the new story

this is a necessarily intimate exercise

(delivering a mortal insult is a left-hand path mirror of this but is almost always despicable and if done without Charity and Grace corrodes the insulter more than the insulted)

Some pitfalls.

Do not lie when you deliver a compliment. This is harder than an honest compliment, for one thing, as it is difficult to tell a story around a kernel of falsehood. It also may deceive the complimented and deprive them of a chance to live a better, truer story.

Relatedly, don't give empty compliment. It's important to _perceive_ something good and true, and share that story. Grasping at unheartfelt tropes will ring hollow and never stick, and over time people will notice and devalue such statements.

Flattery is fine as long as it is _true_ but you must have a very deft delivery or you will read as fulsome and the recipient will be flustered or put off. Flatter rarely and well and honestly.

Closing thoughts.

People need to be seen and need to be loved (there may not be a difference).

Giving someone a compliment shows that you perceive them, perhaps better than they do themselves.

Compliments ennoble the giver and recipient alike.

Be excellent to each other.

appending this lovely real life example

ps dont forget to send thank you cards after Christmas https://twitter.com/WithTheCaswave/status/1208059535673323520?s=19