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its 3:30 am should i swipe on men
last time i tried, i turned men back off the second i matched with someone that wasn't cis
they were really into pokemon and mtg and wouldn't stop calling me "dude"
yolo
let's see how long i last
let's see how long i last
pray for me
i hate them.
why can't boys be as cute as they are in my head
i've found ONE in the men category who isn't cis 
"i manage a pot shop" yeah i could tell by the beard and the hat
THERE WE GO YES EXCELLENT
how many times do i have to swipe right on my awful ex before they match with me so i can say "hey what up, i'm a girl, thanks for the baggage about it" and then unmatch them
"you'll automatically be the smart one"
*chugging dumb bitch juice* what the fuck did you just say to me
*chugging dumb bitch juice* what the fuck did you just say to me
"duo with me if you play league" i wish i could eternal sunshine enough words from my vocabulary to not know what that means
"educated professional looking for the right woman" ok boomer
"looking to meet anyone who swipes right, gives the number and shows up on the date"
honey when do you think exchanging phone numbers happens????? im not giving you that shit til after i leave
honey when do you think exchanging phone numbers happens????? im not giving you that shit til after i leave
i was super liked 
looking at men is making me swipe right on a lot more non-men
you're almost cute but you're bigger than me and you have a name that just screams "i carry either a guitar or a skateboard and whichever it is i never actually use it" and those are both dealbreakers
oh no i found a cis boy that looks fun and nice what do i do
someone help
oh you're not cis and i think you might not know it yet
"just tryna watch some horror movies and suck on some titties" aren't we all
literally no cis man is as good at sex as you claim to be so, if you actually are, i have some news for you
so what i'm getting is that cis men as exactly as boring as cis women but way less hot
i saw a bio that said "ah ha ha" and it activated my fight or flight response
"i got dumped" look nerd getting dumped is a sport and i'll crush you at it just stfu and say "positive vibes only" already
love me an "if you send a dick pic i'll send one back" kinda girl 
"down for anything" *pulling out dresses, makeup, and bottles of estradiol and spiro* you sure about that?
"help me grow a beard" i used to thank god every day i couldn't grow one and i'm not even religious how tf am i supposed to help you
NOOOOO
look i'll teach you but you're not gonna like the first few steps
how many people can you swipe right on just because they're trans women waiting to happen before i have to admit i should just stop swiping on men
oh no my gut reaction to unicorn hunters is less angry when it's the guy's account
presented without comment
"im like if chris pratt never moved on from parks and rec" weird cause your photos indicate you're gonna get real dysphoric comparing yourself to men starting in about 3 months
oh no he matched with me now i actually have to crack this egg
i have found 2 trans boys and 1 enby in 9 hours, this is transmisogyny
holy fuck how many men named sam are there in a 5 mile radius of me could you all stop
"new to the city, is there anything fun?"
no.
no.
everyone spam "oof" in chat for my boy henry
please delete your tinder and get a therapist henry
please delete your tinder and get a therapist henry
the fact that i literally never understood men really should have tipped me off years earlier
"encyclopedic movie knowledge" look there's only room for one fucking nerd here
you had me at breaking your nose on heelys but you lost me at making fun of the idea of finding meaningful relationships on tinder
why can't cis guys all be more like the sad husband from the lesbian romcom i watched last night
"i once cried to It's Raining Men so you know i have a sensitive side" your anthem is by Lizzo, your hair is fluffy and you look like you're wearing eyeliner when you're not, it's not that you're sensitive it's that you're bisexual can i offer you a nice jean shorts in this tryi
me: ugh he's almost cute why are they all almost cute what is it that these boys are missing
him: *picture of himself in a dress, a cardigan, and thigh highs*
me: oh
him: *picture of himself in a dress, a cardigan, and thigh highs*
me: oh
WHAT IS IT WITH CISHET MEN AND FISHING
"tinder isn't bumble" idk what that means but i bet it's somehow gross and sexist
rugby is not life, jake
saw a guy whose forst picture was a nude where his dick is covered by a vape cloud and his second picture was a sonic the hedgehog meme
he had white dreads
he had white dreads
i gave up. it's over.
