shoulding: a thread

brought to you by me, bored at the airport and waiting for my delayed flight

Shoulding is when you tell yourself “I should be doing this” or “I shouldn’t be doing that” and as harmless as it seems, these kind of thoughts can create shame and frustration directed inward

whether your shoulds are “I should eat better” or “I shouldn’t be on twitter rn” or anything else, they all boil down to “you should be doing better, you’re not doing good enough”

you can try until it makes you physically ill (believe me, i have) but you can’t shame yourself into being a “better” person. it’s not possible bc feelings of shame and inadequacy take away any you have desire to even try bc you’ve already decided that you’re not good enough

and this one is not me saying that it’s okay to neglect responsibilities or put off bettering ourselves. it’s about changing the way we speak to ourselves and working on eradicating subtle negativity that slowly chips away at our self-esteem

instead of saying “i should go to the gym more”, say “i want to go to the gym more” so that it’s no longer an obligation but something that you’re doing because it will make you happy

it takes away the shame because you acknowledge that you’re intentions are to do better for your own sake and measuring it by your own standards

and if it’s something that you don’t want to do but should (as is inevitable with life) then that’s perfectly okay as long as you remind yourself of this so that if you’re finding it hard to do, you remember to treat yourself with compassion

for the love of god, please don’t fill your day with “shoulds”. YOU. WILL. BE. MISERABLE.

only doing things because “i should” brought me to a point in my life where i couldn’t see a reason to be alive bc everything i did seemed to be to satisfy someone else, even if the someone else was the voice in my head whose only purpose was to to remind me that i was inadequate

so forgive the cliche shitty advice and please try to, at least once a day, do something because YOU WANT TO.

anyways whether anyone actually read this or not idc just take good care of yourselves bbys, especially with exam szn approaching. you are all wonderful, you are all capable.