Thread by @Datboi_Danny, This is my theory so far and I’ll continue to think and [...]

This is my theory so far and I’ll continue to think and test it over time but

In every man’s heart there is a craving in him that wants to be loved unconditionally and accepted for who he is, flaws and all. Which is why many men eventually decide to go settle down (SMALL THREAD)

Which is good cause God placed that desire for us, I’ll go back to that in a bit.

Delving into romance, a big hollywood lie we see in movies, songs and media is that finding the “one” in our life will bring us to the peak of happiness and satisfy all that we’re looking for...

Finding the one will fill the hole in our hearts right?

We’ve all heard it before, it’s the mantra of many love songs..”you’re my other half”, “You complete me”, “I can’t live without you” etc.

Although this message resonates and targets women more (the recipients of romance)

Men are affected as well. Both to be the givers of this dream & also to one day recieve the same expectation from a woman, to love and be unconditionally loved.

Especially romantics if you’re a man who considers himself to be romantic then you probably know what Im talking about

but back to my main train of thought.

Men carry this subtle expectation that finding the “one” will bring them to enjoy life at its peak, especially young men.

I know cause I used to be one of them, my friends used to be one of them, it’s a stage I think most men go through.

Eventually something happens to a man and he gets his world rocked lol. He gets hurt or heartbroken in a relationship and he goes down either three paths

Path 1: He ends up turning into a a**hole and treats women like trash

Path 2: He figures “hmm, wrong one, I’ll try again”

or path 3 which is the least travelled path, He looks within himself to see what in the world went wrong, seeks to find wisdom and changes his own idealogy about love, romance &relationships.

This is the longest path to take because changing your mindset takes time—a lot of it

Upon taking path 3, the man has to destroy everything he had thought about relationships and women, most of it was faulty societal conditioning to make him more feminine and put women on a pedestal.

The ironic part is that if you follow hollywood’s playbook, most girls actually

LOSE attraction for you. It’s really a lie from the pits of hell...maybe from the devil’s armpit to be precise

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But anyway, why do you think the jerks get the girl usually? they don’t follow the whole “do whatever she says and treat her like she’s your whole world” mantra

& certainly it’s not because they are romantic, I’ve never heard of a romantic jerk, a manipulative one yes

I use that example to show how faulty many ideas of romance are and how most girls, which will say they do like those types, don’t actually go after those types of guys.

So in short, do not believe hollywood or the media & believe what you see, cause it is true.

Now if you want to go deeper, part of the reasons jerks attract the girls is for mutiple reasons, one of which is the faux confidence it exudes & because many of the girls are damaged—

emotionally and/or psychologically. The other fact is a lack of a proper father/male figure in their lives.

They say that the first man a girl falls in love with is her father.

Jerks won’t attract a women with high standards, or one with their head on right, she would be—

repulsed. That is because of a strong farherly role in her live which gives her a clear vision of what man she should want to be with.

So back to what I was saying, this will all tie together trust me.

If that is one lie by hollywood and one that is persistently being shown—

What else is a lie? the notion of the “one”

You pick the “one”, God gives complete freedom and freewill for that choice. However, if you ask him for help and guidance, He can point you in the right direction.

The harsh truth is, there can be multiple “ones”. Many people that—

you can be romantically compatible with. Certainly less romantic than idea of having a soulmate but it is certainly true.

True romance is choosing the one you want to love and sticking with that choice for life, even in the midst of many options.

There is power behind choice.

Now to delve even deeper into this rabbit hole, remember when I said that man want to be unconditionally loved by a woman?

I think in many cases that won’t be possible fully.

Men and women do indeed love differently and this is something that I wrappled with for a long time.

Now you object to that at first, fair enough I did too.

But stay with me and think about it more.

I think as being leader and forefront of God’s position, men are more apt to love unconditionally.

Ever hear a man say I’ll take a bullet for my wife/girlfriend?

Now have you heard a woman say the same thing about her husband?

or saying that she loves her husband more than her kids?

or in true action and deed, showing her boyfriend or husband that whatever you do, I won’t lose love for you?

but men express and show this time and time

Now without the holy spirit, I think it impossible for a man to love unconditionally.

With the holy spirit, it is possible but nowadays it’s rare. Which is why Paul gives husbands a command to “love your wife as Christ loves the church”

but no command to love from the wife—

just to submit to their husbands. Now Christ and the church is being juxtaposed as Husband and Wife.

Christ (Husband) Church (Wife)

Think about the implications of that, even Paul says it’s a wonderful mystery.

Physical Marriage paints a picture of Spiritual Marriage

Now to clear it up more, woman can love unconditionally but only with the help of the holy spirit and not to the same extent as how a man can.

Don’t take offense to this but consider what I’m saying.

There’s a reason why God through Paul commands the husband to love AS CHRIST—

and not the woman. I *think* it is because the husband is to represent Christ and that is why He gave the husband the greater capacity to love unconditionally.

Now using the Church(Wife) analogy, do we as christians, as the church, do we love Christ unconditionally all the time?

No, if anything we fail often and our love for Christ cannot match up for His capacity to love us conditionally.

I remember telling God “I wish I can love you with the same intensity that you love me with.”

So there’s a connection, multiple lessons in there.

So to sum & close

Wait one last thing though. This is personal and something I think we need to hear.

Men, the love that you seek you won’t find in a woman. Anyone really, but throw out that expectation.

Only God can love us the way we desperately seek to be loved. We are to then be filled with—

that love and share it with out wives, loving her as Christ loved us.

If we lack to receive God’s love, we will still feel empty in a happy marriage. The love we give to our wife and children won’t be pure and whole.

Like a cup that’s half full, you cannot pour into others.

Seeking that type of unconditional love in a woman will cause you to put her on a pedestal and eventually attempting to put her where God should be, harming the relationship.

Seek God first, be filled with his love, love your woman & she’ll pour back the same love with interest.

That’s the end of this thread, it went far too long.

I’m open for discussion, I’m still trying to figure things out too but these thoughts came from my experiences, observations and many wise stories from men and most importantly scripture.

Let’s continue to grow in wisdom

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