cannot conceive of a more immersion-shattering line than “Looks like meat is back on the menu, boys!” uttered by an Orc soldier in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (1/?)

it calls into question the concept of “table service” which had heretofore never been mentioned in the Middle Earth expanded universe. much like how the errant wingbeat of a butterfly can trigger a tsunami, this throwaway quip leads to confusion and darkness

with this single line, we are left to assume that the mighty Uruk-hai not only have the ability to read, but have also developed a society sophisticated enough to produce a tertiary economy, with a service industry. this is troublesome for reasons explored below (3/?)

as fans of the novel know, not all orcs are created equal on Middle Earth. there are many different breeds; “regular” orcs of Mordor, for example, could never be confused with the Uruk-hai of Saruman, speculated by many to be a cross breed between man and orc (4/?)

however, the descriptions of orc culture stop here, in Tolkien’s words. a common criticism leveled at Tolkien over the years was his near-obsessive urge to rid his fantasy saga of any pathos, melodrama, or scandal that would not be found in the King James Bible (5/?)

he had set out to write a modern epic, more focused on traditional themes like in greek myths, than the gritty reality of those in his stories. in reaction to this ideology, many authors have leaned in to realism, the most notorious example being, of course, george rr martin (6/?

now, as you can see, the addition of this throwaway line into the script is totally at odds with the spirit of Tolkien. interestingly, tolkien’s rigidly guarded estate demanded a veto on any aspect of the films that didn’t align with what tolkien would have wanted (6/

the estate made several concessions during filmmaking, the most obvious being the increased character development of several female characters, but vetoed other scenes. but why allow this completely dissonant sentence slip through? there has to be a reason (7/?)

fine. you’ve got me. i’ll get to the point shortly. I posit the answer to this conundrum: christopher tolkien, the stalwart guardian of his father’s legacy, is an orc apologist (8/?)

in response to the one sided dynamic of good vs evil his father wrote, perhaps christopher, a man born in a much different time, saw the value in depicting a universe that contained nuance and empathy. perhaps he knew a modern audience desires to “relate” above all else (9/?

and what better way to do this than to give a taste of humanity to the most depraved creatures on middle earth, the fearsome orcs? with just one line, maybe christopher wanted to shatter his father’s binary vision, and create a collage that reflects our time (10/)

maybe christopher wanted to ask not if meat was back on the menu, but, instead: look. here they are. they have restaurants. are we so different after all?
thank you, goodnight and good luck (/)

just kidding you fuckass nerds lmao

feel like pure shit. just want him back