Read on Twitter
“What year am I?”
“You’re a last year!”
“You’re a last year!”
“Why did you used to tweet ‘bruh’ so much?!”
“That’s just how much I tweeted in general!”
“That’s just how much I tweeted in general!”
“...You see, I really want to work at the intersection of...”
“Oh. There’s an intersection right outside! You can work there!”
“....this is why we don’t hang out anymore.”
“Oh. There’s an intersection right outside! You can work there!”
“....this is why we don’t hang out anymore.”
“Yeah, they won’t let Jasmine, Canyon, and I [Karissa] be on a line together.”
“Yeah...well duh, y’all are chaotic.”
“Yeah...well duh, y’all are chaotic.”
Karissa: Jasmine...what the fuck is this?
*three minutes later*
Alison: Jasmine, what the fuck is this tweet?!
*three minutes later*
Alison: Jasmine, what the fuck is this tweet?!
“You’re too entertained with yourself right now.”
“Jasmine, are you still drunk?”
“We need to do a little family photo shoot where Jasmine poses like that little baby monkey in a little dress.”
“I ALREADY HAVE THOSE FROM WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL BABY.”
“I ALREADY HAVE THOSE FROM WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL BABY.”
“I love that little baby monkey in a dress. It has big Jasmine energy.”
“Jasmine please change your profile picture to that little baby monkey, pleaseeee pleASEEEEE.”
“Jasmine please change your profile picture to that little baby monkey, pleaseeee pleASEEEEE.”
“Did you just say Jasmine’s a little baby monkey in a dress?”
“I mean, technically.”
“I mean, technically.”
“I feel like you’re the IKEA monkey.”
....
“Jasmine, why did they isolate you all the way back here??? Is it because you’re basically an alumni????”
“Yeah, you put ‘eggies’ in the chat, and I was confused - I wasn’t sure if that was a real place or not or....”
“Every time you post ‘vibe check,’ I lose a year off my life.”
halloween is canceled
“Are you on anything right now or are you just like this?”
“Yeah, we see the message is from you and we see if it’s worthy of a response.”
“Like, yeah, I look and I see the tweet says ‘poo poo pee pee’ and then I ignore it”
“Like, yeah, I look and I see the tweet says ‘poo poo pee pee’ and then I ignore it”
“I miss y’all! Y’all are all having fun in Austin!”
“..All I do is WORK! WHO’S HAVING FUN IN AUSTIN???”
“...Jasmine.”
“Oh, oh yeah.”
“Yeah, fair enough.”
“..All I do is WORK! WHO’S HAVING FUN IN AUSTIN???”
“...Jasmine.”
“Oh, oh yeah.”
“Yeah, fair enough.”
“I’m gonna start a twitter called ‘Songs Jasmine Doesn’t Know.’”
“Jasmine, why don’t you know anything?”
“What??”
“You don’t know the song American Woman...you’ve never seen Legally Blonde...is Killeen THAT bad?”
“What??”
“You don’t know the song American Woman...you’ve never seen Legally Blonde...is Killeen THAT bad?”
*is in travel gear for the IM basketball game*
“...I hate this. I hate you for wearing this right now. Why.”
“...I hate this. I hate you for wearing this right now. Why.”
The real friends are the fifth years we made along the way!
“Yeah, they’re gonna take one look at your hair, stop you at security, and be like, ‘Sorry m’aam, outside food isn’t allowed past this point.’”
“How is Jasmine both baby and old at the same time?”
“Like Benjamin Button.”
“Like Baby Yoda.”
“Like Benjamin Button.”
“Like Baby Yoda.”
“Jasmine, why don’t you have Crocs? I feel like they’re your brand.”
Jonathan: Not gonna lie...I seriously thought those were weed glasses.
“I feel like you were an avid watcher of like, internet videos when you were younger. Is that true? You just give off those vibes.”
“Yeah, that’s the ONLY accent Jasmine can do...”
“Hey, boomer!”
*turns around*
“Haha, she looked.”
*turns around*
“Haha, she looked.”
“85? 85 what??”
“We’re talking about how old you are.”
“We’re talking about how old you are.”
“Are you gonna stop singing soon?”
“Yeah, it’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“What?”
“‘Haha, you’ve got ice cream on your shirt.’ Like, for YOU it would be believable but..”
“What?”
“‘Haha, you’ve got ice cream on your shirt.’ Like, for YOU it would be believable but..”
“Are you bothering my section again??”
the dot chat strikes back
I received these both at the same time,,,,,
“Somehow you’ve made Hot Shower your brand.”
“Wait, so when did you get bangs? How did they do it?”
“I...I just cut them. In the bathroom.”
“JaSMINE”
“I...I just cut them. In the bathroom.”
“JaSMINE”
“‘Be funnier!’ Is that what you tell yourself because you’re not funny?”
“You’re the cool Scott Rich!”
- @spicylonghorn
- @spicylonghorn
“Jasmine, why are you already tweeting!”
“You didn’t even put it in your ‘Presidential Harassment Thread!”
“What? Is that what you’ve been calling it?”
“I mean, yeah.”
“What? Is that what you’ve been calling it?”
“I mean, yeah.”
“Jasmine, you’re such a cool person, you don’t have to tweet everything that someone says about you.”
“I’m gonna start reporting your tweets.”
“We’re gonna report all your tweets.”
“We’re gonna report all your tweets.”
“You look like Thing 1 and Thing 2.”
“‘No one else will reply to me, so I will!’”
“Yeah, Jasmine’s birthday is on 4/20.”
“That...is why she is the way that she is.”
“That...is why she is the way that she is.”
y’know i thought i was safe here
you tell your friends you’ve never seen the term “jordan year” before and what do they do???
“Jasmine, you’re like a cat.”
“Okay, maybe I like sleeping with a night light.”
“This is the funniest thing I’ve heard of all day.”
“What!!!”
“This both surprises me and doesn’t surprise me at all. This explains a lot of things.”
“This is the funniest thing I’ve heard of all day.”
“What!!!”
“This both surprises me and doesn’t surprise me at all. This explains a lot of things.”
“I’m upset I can only see some of your toe cracks and not all of them.”
“You were in high school in 2011?!?!”
“You’re...going to be way too extra with your kids’ birthday parties.”
“Why isn’t your hair pink for Valentine’s Day?”
“Your name is going to be the next TBS class’ long name.”
“You really liked Camp Rock growing up, didn’t you.”
“It would be a very Jasmine thing to do to go up to everyone in BSOM and ask ‘Are you left-handed?’”
“How do I softblock Jasmine, but in real life”
“You’re like half-person, half-Twitter”
“You already finished your food? Now you have to just sit there awkwardly.”
“She already does that.”
“She already does that.”
“I can see the wheels turning as you write these tweets.”
.....
“My fortune cookie says, ‘Your friends are delighted by your keen sense of humor.’”
“...that’s not true.”
“...that’s not true.”
“Teach us something. I want to learn!”
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re still in school.”
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re still in school.”
“Maybe you aesthetically look like a blanket.”
oh worm
https://twitter.com/benhazel007/status/1257737761626427392?s=21 https://twitter.com/BenHazel007/status/1257737761626427392
https://twitter.com/happylonghorn/status/1258242010785427456?s=21 https://twitter.com/happylonghorn/status/1258242010785427456
*insert everyone else’s roasts too*
*watching Steve Harvey*
“He’s so entertained with himself. It’s like you when you tweet.”
“He’s so entertained with himself. It’s like you when you tweet.”
https://twitter.com/sampollack98/status/1283468661240496129?s=21 https://twitter.com/SamPollack98/status/1283468661240496129
“porkchop?” I-
“Everytime Jasmine types on her phone, I don’t trust her.”
“You don’t like scary movies?”
“Not really.”
“You’re a cartoon person, aren’t you.”
“....yes.”
*groan*
“Not really.”
“You’re a cartoon person, aren’t you.”
“....yes.”
*groan*
“I dropped the butter in while I was stirring and said ‘BLONK!’ to myself. And then I laughed because that’s something *you* would do.”
“Now I have 3 Twitter accounts? Ugh, I feel like Jasmine.”
*at HEB*
“Oh hey Will! How’d you spot us?”
“Jasmine’s hair.”
“Oh hey Will! How’d you spot us?”
“Jasmine’s hair.”
“That kid would have been friends with Jasmine in high school...”
- Sarah, who *WAS* my friend in high school
- Sarah, who *WAS* my friend in high school
half of this thread is things Kaeden says so here’s what he said to me yesterday
