After the horrific #EmanuelNine shooting, Nadine Collier (the daughter of one of the victims) shocked everyone by telling her mother’s killer, “I forgive you.”

After that, I immediately came on social media and applauded it, calling it the power of the Gospel for a watching world. “Now the community can heal”, etc. My take was neat and tidy.

Earlier this year, I was privileged to attend an advanced screening of the #Emanuel documentary. Before the film, I was honored to sit across from Nadine and a dozen #EmanuelNine family members.

We asked questions and their answers were...complex. Nadine told us she didn’t know why she forgave in that way. She just felt like she needed to be free from the hatred that would overtake her if she didn’t.

Others said the community needed to take steps toward healing and so they forgave with that in mind or because their deceased family member “would want me to”. But they weren’t the only voices who spoke...

A few said they hadn’t forgiven the shooter, and didn’t have plans to do that anytime soon. They teared up as they described the pain of losing their loved ones and what was taken from them. Their humanity was searing.

After the film, Nadine was asked how she felt. Her answer: “I’ve seen that film 3 times, but when I saw how they calmly put him (Roof) in that police car after what he did to my mother... I’m angry right now”

I’m sharing this because Brandt Jean’s act of forgiveness was a moment of immense personal strength and Christlike character. But we often magnify these gestures because we desire neat, tidy endings that help us make sense of tragic circumstances.

We also applaud forgiveness because our society has an implicit fear of black retaliation, even though our community has endlessly forgiven and sought peace in the face of unspeakable evils.

I hope the church rejects the temptation to flatten the Black Christian response into a false choice of absolution or vengeance. We are human beings, dynamic and complex.

We are real people who feel the full range of pain, anger, sadness, hope, forgiveness, and love. ALL of these expressions are human and can be faithful to God.

I’m not advocating that we withhold forgiveness, but that we should be reflective even as we extend it. And refuse to weaponize it against those who may not be there yet.