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Reflection - RM
I always find the solo tracks in Wings beautiful and powerful in their own ways. There's a level of honesty in them that is rare. Today I want to cherish one that feels really close to me, so here's my reflection on Namjoon's Reflection. #BeyondTheLyric
I always find the solo tracks in Wings beautiful and powerful in their own ways. There's a level of honesty in them that is rare. Today I want to cherish one that feels really close to me, so here's my reflection on Namjoon's Reflection. #BeyondTheLyric
(The usual disclaimer! I am not a Korean nor English native speaker, so there might be some error here and there in my translations. I would really appreciate it if you guys can help point them out so I can fix them, let me know 
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Namjoon starts the song with a moment of sonder. Sonder is one of my favorite words, and it means 'the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as yours'. Namjoon compares each life to a movie, with their own stories, plot and characters.
I laughed a bit when I first heard these lines because back in high school, I wrote a similar thought in my journal: we are all the protagonists of our own stories, yet we might be an antagonist in someone else's. Or a very minor character, an extra in a movie.
In college as I'm getting into screenwriting, I understand this idea a little better. Every time we create a character, no matter how small, we must add their biography and backstory. We don't only create names, we create lives. Although they're not main character in this movie,
they must be in their own mind. Those layered characters are the ones that make the whole movie interesting.
Okay, I'm sorry for rambling on just the first point. This is just a very fascinating topic to me and Namjoon worded it amazingly in this song. Moving on.
Okay, I'm sorry for rambling on just the first point. This is just a very fascinating topic to me and Namjoon worded it amazingly in this song. Moving on.
쓰다듬다 means stroke/pet, here I chose 'caress' but no word really seems to fit. I think it refers to how you give yourself a pat in the back, a 'good job well done'. Namjoon wants to congratulate himself for 'filming' (living) his 'movie' (life) well day by day.
Even though he appreciates himself, he also hates himself often. When he feels that way, he visits Ttukseom. Ttukseom is a park on the side of Han River. It's a beautiful, spacious place for a lot of people, and a personal one for Namjoon.
http://theseoulstop.com/pages/sports-parks-and-rec/parks/parks/ttukseom-hangang-park.php
http://theseoulstop.com/pages/sports-parks-and-rec/parks/parks/ttukseom-hangang-park.php
Ttukseom is filled with people gathering and relaxing. They're in 'twos' and 'threes', meaning in groups, while Namjoon is alone. Fear becomes his 'friend', and he doesn't mind as long as he has company. This fear, the thoughts that let him occupied, are in the next verse.
Namjoon reflects on two things: his helplessness and insignificance. Sometimes living is just a disguise for suffering, and it feels like there's nothing we can do about it. Although in a positive light I don't believe that's true, feeling like it can make it real enough.
Line 2 and 3: we're tiny specks constructing the world yet we have a whole world inside each of us. Emotions, thoughts, beliefs. These things can make us love or hate ourselves, or both at the same time. Like loving yourself for being enough and hating for being only enough.
Here we can refer back to the first idea of life being a movie. That 'friend' looking over Han River might be a character in Joon's story. Maybe they are fated to meet. Maybe they have met before. You never realize how a person is meant to be in your life on your first meeting.
In the dark, masks aren't needed. People are free to be themselves and follow their paths without conforming to society's rules. To Namjoon, it seems like everyone knows exactly where they're going. Meanwhile he's walking without direction, just with his thoughts.
This is familiar to me as I'm also a slow walker when 'real life' doesn't demand my time. I always wonder what's the hurry when people pass by me. But that's physical walk. On the contrary, when it comes to my pace in life, I feel like I never go fast enough.
You see people who are 'grinding' and 'hustling' and everyone seems so sure of their future. It can get super draining to just try to keep up. It's not until recently that I learn how everyone has their own pace and that it's not a race. But often it feels like it, doesn't it?
(Little secret: most people also don't know where they're heading. You're not the only one faking til you make it, the amount of faking is what makes you feel like a solo failure. I'm not sure what I'm doing half of the time, especially growing up, so you're definitely not alone)
When you feel different, you always want to blend in. It's funny, everyone wants to be called special but no one likes to feel different. Anyway, Namjoon finds comfort in the isolation of Ttukseom's night time. It offers him an escape from reality.
The paradox of humans' wants. Nothing really satisfies us, we complain it's too cold at winter then grumble over summer's heat. We want to be free, but given freedom we often don't know what to do, like that first time you leave home. And we never feel only one emotion.
Things are always so complicated, but Namjoon simplifies it in the end with what he sees, not thinks. He sees himself in Ttukseom. Sometimes your head is causing the headache, but when you see your situation for how it truly is, it could be a lot simpler.
This line repeated 8 times in the end is how overthinking feels like. Although I don't know whether that was Namjoon's intention, it's exactly how I keep repeating negative thoughts that I know might not be true until I believe it and make it true.
It's a hard thing, loving self. I know it first hand, I hated so many things about myself. Through comparison, or just my own standards. The way I look, my temper, my introvert-ness. It's hard to accept yourself as a beautiful creation by God when you don't see it yourself.
Yet I think the cure to overthinking those ugly thoughts, is repeating the real, good ones. I once wrote down on one page how I viewed myself with my broken perception back then. I wrote another list of how I should view myself, what God has called me, what people can see in me.
It took two full pages to fit all those beautiful words. I kept repeating the main points daily, every time I wake up. Repeated things become true. Like how Namjoon in one live performance changed the lyrics to 'Yes, I do love myself'. He's internalizing it, and it makes it real.
All in all, Reflection is a beautiful song filled with deep, thoughtful thoughts. It isn't easy to decipher, really, but when you listen to it you don't have to understand to get it. I also love the empty chorus, it's like Namjoon gives us space to think and reflect ourselves.
The song breathes and the music overwhelms in those spaces. Do listen to Reflection again, and see what reflections you might get for yourself 
https://open.spotify.com/track/4Eqo5hcqVnaAfL4J4W5Jjl?si=S0n_2zB7SeKO7bdopniVLw
Namjoon’s performance with ‘Yes, I do love myself’:
https://open.spotify.com/track/4Eqo5hcqVnaAfL4J4W5Jjl?si=S0n_2zB7SeKO7bdopniVLw
Namjoon’s performance with ‘Yes, I do love myself’:
