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1. 
THREAD:
I was born in 1986. These words consumed me during my childhood and early adulthood:
âYouâre a FAG!â
âYou talk like a GIRL!
âGod made Adam and EVE not Adam and STEVEâ.
âYouâd better not be gay.â
âWhat a SISSY!â.
âGays belong in HELLâ.
THREAD:I was born in 1986. These words consumed me during my childhood and early adulthood:
âYouâre a FAG!ââYou talk like a GIRL!âGod made Adam and EVE not Adam and STEVEâ.âYouâd better not be gay.ââWhat a SISSY!â.âGays belong in HELLâ.
2. Growing up black and gay was a challenge, to say the least.
I knew I was gay since as far back as I can remember. Now, mind you, at age 3, I didnât really call it that. I DID recognize that who I was, was not who I was âsupposedâ to be. My true identity was unacceptable.
I knew I was gay since as far back as I can remember. Now, mind you, at age 3, I didnât really call it that. I DID recognize that who I was, was not who I was âsupposedâ to be. My true identity was unacceptable.
3. My family, friends, and society at large made it CRYSTAL CLEAR which behaviors were unacceptable. From the subtle and not so subtle jabs about me specifically, to the snarled expressions of disgust that people often gave towards mere PORTRAYALS of gays on TV; I caught on FAST.
4. Survival was often the only thing on my mind. But I had to figure out how to live. I knew that I was human. I knew that I enjoyed being alive. But the intense anxiety stemming from the shame of my identity ate me up. I often cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone.
5. At church, I poured my 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 year old self onto the alter praying profusely for the âgay to go awayâ. No luck. I was a walking ball of anxiety, constantly fearing for my safety; mentally and physically. All I wanted to do was feel like I belonged in the world.
6. I felt so alone. The BULLIES were something else; Mostly boys but some mean girls too. I never wanted any trouble but they still came for me. I was relatively short until around 9th grade. I had a higher pitch to my voice and a slight frame with a big head.
7. I was thankfully athletic and coordinated. I could âpassâ for the most part. I desperately wanted to fit in. I desperately wanted to feel ânormalâ. I was a child with a full plate of heavy shit like you wouldnât believe.
8. I adapted though. By the time I was in high school, I pretty much mastered the art of âplaying it straightâ. Had a few âgirlfriendsâ. I did everything I could to divert attention away from my sexuality. I was an A student. Made the varsity basketball team. Went to church.
9. I joined a prestigious military university, the US. Naval Academy. I thought to myself, âNo one would suspect anything thereâ At the time âDonât Ask, Donât Tellâ was alive and well. Ironically, DADT was protection for me. I wasnât ready to be âoutâ.
10. With DADT, for the first time in my life I didnât have to be so preoccupied with my identity. I could focus on school and work without the looming specter of the question, âare you gay?â Being uttered. It was a false sense of security; But it was security in my head.
11. I had a few instances of serious bullying there, which Iâll save for the book I am writing. The Naval Academy already wasnât easy. 85% White Male. Pretty conservative. I was a minority. I often felt...ALONE.
12. After graduation, I earned the title of US Marine. The discipline and standards of excellence really appealed to me. The fight for our country was there. I wanted to be in it. I was born to be it.
I also knew that no one would ever suspect anything if I was a Marine.
I also knew that no one would ever suspect anything if I was a Marine.
13. There were some dark moments...again, Iâll save it for my book.
I finally came out to myself and the people closest to me during my final year as a Marine.
I unfortunately didnât tell my Marines. I couldnât do it. Not then. It was too much. I saw a therapist for a year.
I finally came out to myself and the people closest to me during my final year as a Marine.
I unfortunately didnât tell my Marines. I couldnât do it. Not then. It was too much. I saw a therapist for a year.
14. For a while, I wondered where Iâd be if I had the peace of mind to be myself long ago.
Then one day it hit me...
Then one day it hit me...
15. I am EXACTLY where Iâm supposed to be. Forged in fire.
Tougher than my adversaries. Refined by my challenges. And able to help others because I know what it is like to be different and overcome obstacles in the most intense and peculiar cirucmstances.
Tougher than my adversaries. Refined by my challenges. And able to help others because I know what it is like to be different and overcome obstacles in the most intense and peculiar cirucmstances.
16. Somebody told me that I had a lot of patience a few days ago.
I think to myself, âIf you had overcome the challenges I have overcome and put up with the shit Iâve put up with, youâd have a lot of patience too...and have a thick skin like you wouldnât believeâ
I think to myself, âIf you had overcome the challenges I have overcome and put up with the shit Iâve put up with, youâd have a lot of patience too...and have a thick skin like you wouldnât believeâ
17. No matter what youâre going through, I truly believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Your challenges can either make you or break you.
I choose to be unbreakable.
To the bullies - We can forgive, but we will never forget.
END/
I choose to be unbreakable.
To the bullies - We can forgive, but we will never forget.
END/
