1. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💡" title="Elektrische Glühbirne" aria-label="Emoji: Elektrische Glühbirne">THREAD:
I was born in 1986. These words consumed me during my childhood and early adulthood:

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”You’re a FAG!”
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”You talk like a GIRL!
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”God made Adam and EVE not Adam and STEVE”.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”You’d better not be gay.”
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”What a SISSY!”.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✅" title="Fettes weißes Häkchen" aria-label="Emoji: Fettes weißes Häkchen">”Gays belong in HELL”.

2. Growing up black and gay was a challenge, to say the least.

I knew I was gay since as far back as I can remember. Now, mind you, at age 3, I didn’t really call it that. I DID recognize that who I was, was not who I was “supposed” to be. My true identity was unacceptable.

3. My family, friends, and society at large made it CRYSTAL CLEAR which behaviors were unacceptable. From the subtle and not so subtle jabs about me specifically, to the snarled expressions of disgust that people often gave towards mere PORTRAYALS of gays on TV; I caught on FAST.

4. Survival was often the only thing on my mind. But I had to figure out how to live. I knew that I was human. I knew that I enjoyed being alive. But the intense anxiety stemming from the shame of my identity ate me up. I often cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">

5. At church, I poured my 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 year old self onto the alter praying profusely for the “gay to go away”. No luck. I was a walking ball of anxiety, constantly fearing for my safety; mentally and physically. All I wanted to do was feel like I belonged in the world.

6. I felt so alone. The BULLIES were something else; Mostly boys but some mean girls too. I never wanted any trouble but they still came for me. I was relatively short until around 9th grade. I had a higher pitch to my voice and a slight frame with a big head.

7. I was thankfully athletic and coordinated. I could “pass” for the most part. I desperately wanted to fit in. I desperately wanted to feel “normal”. I was a child with a full plate of heavy shit like you wouldn’t believe.

8. I adapted though. By the time I was in high school, I pretty much mastered the art of “playing it straight”. Had a few “girlfriends”. I did everything I could to divert attention away from my sexuality. I was an A student. Made the varsity basketball team. Went to church.

9. I joined a prestigious military university, the US. Naval Academy. I thought to myself, “No one would suspect anything there” At the time “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was alive and well. Ironically, DADT was protection for me. I wasn’t ready to be “out”.

10. With DADT, for the first time in my life I didn’t have to be so preoccupied with my identity. I could focus on school and work without the looming specter of the question, “are you gay?” Being uttered. It was a false sense of security; But it was security in my head.

11. I had a few instances of serious bullying there, which I’ll save for the book I am writing. The Naval Academy already wasn’t easy. 85% White Male. Pretty conservative. I was a minority. I often felt...ALONE.

12. After graduation, I earned the title of US Marine. The discipline and standards of excellence really appealed to me. The fight for our country was there. I wanted to be in it. I was born to be it.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">

I also knew that no one would ever suspect anything if I was a Marine.

13. There were some dark moments...again, I’ll save it for my book.

I finally came out to myself and the people closest to me during my final year as a Marine.

I unfortunately didn’t tell my Marines. I couldn’t do it. Not then. It was too much. I saw a therapist for a year.

14. For a while, I wondered where I’d be if I had the peace of mind to be myself long ago.

Then one day it hit me...https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💡" title="Elektrische Glühbirne" aria-label="Emoji: Elektrische Glühbirne">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💡" title="Elektrische Glühbirne" aria-label="Emoji: Elektrische Glühbirne">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Errötetes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Errötetes Gesicht">

15. I am EXACTLY where I’m supposed to be. Forged in fire.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🔥" title="Feuer" aria-label="Emoji: Feuer">Tougher than my adversaries. Refined by my challenges. And able to help others because I know what it is like to be different and overcome obstacles in the most intense and peculiar cirucmstances.

16. Somebody told me that I had a lot of patience a few days ago.

I think to myself, “If you had overcome the challenges I have overcome and put up with the shit I’ve put up with, you’d have a lot of patience too...and have a thick skin like you wouldn’t believe”https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">

17. No matter what you’re going through, I truly believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Your challenges can either make you or break you.

I choose to be unbreakable.

To the bullies - We can forgive, but we will never forget.

END/