If millennials of Provo were documented in a book of scripture

A thread:

Wherefore she did cry unto her friends because she didst not harken unto their voice when they said “thy dude is trash”

Behold great and marvelous things came to pass as they did journey to Target

And it came to pass there was a great murmur in the land called Provo because of the loss of too many BYU football games

Wo unto the wicked who call themselves m*rm*ns

What mean ye? Ye say we are more than friends but ye kiss other woman?

Behold, I said to them: How is it that ye do NCMO when ye do have a girlfriend?

And now, the thing that thy father meaneth concerning marriage is that thou shouldn’t ask for her hand in marriage on the first date

Now this great iniquity had come upon the people of Provo because of the many trips to McDonalds on the holy sabbath day

And it came to pass that there were certain men passing by the village whomst did judge the woman for their swimsuit choices

And now when the RM did arise, he journeyed out into the VASA to retrieve some gains

Yea, how could you have given way to the enticing of him who is seeking to make out with thee?

And now we know that this is impossible, for behold she was only dating the RM for 6 weeks