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THREAD: a white man’s whore goes to Jamaica
Okay, before I get started, I would like to preface everything by saying all actions and choices were ~safe~ and no harm (except emotional maybe) was brought to any parties involved.
Iight so boom. Last week myself and two other friends set off for JA with the most innocent of intentions: “Have a hot girl summer with just us girls!”
Now, given that these friends actually KNOW me, I honestly cannot believe they thought I would abide by that mantra on any day
Now, given that these friends actually KNOW me, I honestly cannot believe they thought I would abide by that mantra on any day
It’s important to note that I also promised my aunt who also knows me that I wouldn’t get involved with any Jamaican men. I made that promise with a straight face too shjsjsksk
I got off the plane looking for niggas lmao so it’s just a bit tough, innit?
Ok so the first day, we’re laying out on the beach and there’s this young hi-yella dude setting up some table nearby. We’ll call him Contestant #1. He’s a lil cutie so I’m eyeing him very subtly. My friend, however, is not. So he walks up to us...
And the first thing out his mouth is: “i saw y’all admiring me, so I wanted to say high” lmaooo so my friend becomes disinterested immediately cause, ya know, arrogance. But I on the other hand become intrigued lol
So, he’s like lemme take y’all to this club nearby tomorrow night and I’m like bet so I give him my number. Cool? No...BIG MISS STEAK
Lol sorry y’all i was on the phone with Contestant #2 but I’m back. So Contestant #1...this nigga is BAT SHIT CRAZY
So I messaged him and was like “hey we gone head to the club around 11:30 if you want to meet us there.” He didn’t respond so I’m like fuck it. We get dressed and we go have dinner. When we get back to the room everyone is washed, so we fall asleep and end up staying in.
I wake up to like 12 back to back missed calls and 8 paragraph texts from him. He’s like “I missed your text and I liked you so much. I blew it. I’m so sad. Please don’t give up on me.” So I don’t answer because I watch enough criminal minds to know psychopathy when I see it
So I just leave him on read. This nigga pulls up on us by the pool the next day tryna see why we didn’t call him back. Fear is not the word. At this point I’m like I shoulda listened to Amanda when she warned me about these niggas
Ok so I give him some random excuse and proceeded to block him. Now I talked to god and he said he was gone remove this nigga from my life, so I laid my fears at the cross. By the grace of god, I did not run into him again
Alright we’ve reached the point in the tale where things are about to get raunchy. I would like to hereby apologize for my whorish behavior and repent. Enter contest #2 aka my first JA boyfriend
It all began with a thirst for weed. This was like our third day on the resort and the whole time we were constantly bombarded with the smell of marijuana. So who is the plug, amirite??
The resort has these dudes in like blue swimsuits who are supposed to be the entertainment crew and they go around FORCING the guests to participate in shit like dancing, flip cup, you name it. One of the members is Contestant #1 and he’s a lil cutie if you like the rugged look
And I am a sucker for a nice rugged man lol. So when he came over to ask us to play beer pong I’m like “ahahaha sure I love that game” jejejsksk (I do not)
So we’re playing and I am finding any and every excuse to put my breasts in his face. I guess it worked because he tells me “I’m perfect.” I’m fully committed to having [redacted] with him at this point
![So we’re playing and I am finding any and every excuse to put my breasts in his face. I guess it worked because he tells me “I’m perfect.” I’m fully committed to having [redacted] with him at this point](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEXlfVBXUAIfBKM.jpg "So we’re playing and I am finding any and every excuse to put my breasts in his face. I guess it worked because he tells me “I’m perfect.” I’m fully committed to having [redacted] with him at this point")
Ok so fast forward to the next day. My friend and I are laying out by the pool and him and another crew member come over to us and my friend brings up the smell of weed and he goes, “what, y’all want some?” and just like that the plug is revealed lmao
Now as many of you know, I don’t smoke bc I get paranoid and once again, I watch enough criminal minds to know that paranoid ppl should NOT be doing drugs. I am, however, a huge proponent of my friends smoking. So, I volunteer myself as the medium of exchanging the $ for the weed
So, I lean in to give him a hug and we exchange the goods. In the process of this hug, he said something to me that is admittedly too freaky for me to repeat. I am so sorry lmao
He then proceeds to invite us to the club and we agree. He gives me his number and because I am a HUGE advocate of transparency, I messaged him before we went out and was like “yo are you serious about what you said” and he was like 100% so I’m like I’m finna get some [redacted]
![He then proceeds to invite us to the club and we agree. He gives me his number and because I am a HUGE advocate of transparency, I messaged him before we went out and was like “yo are you serious about what you said” and he was like 100% so I’m like I’m finna get some [redacted]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEXn5xVW4AAEV-y.jpg "He then proceeds to invite us to the club and we agree. He gives me his number and because I am a HUGE advocate of transparency, I messaged him before we went out and was like “yo are you serious about what you said” and he was like 100% so I’m like I’m finna get some [redacted]")
