As a black man who's been navigating these online black feminist spaces for a minute now, I've reached a conclusion, and I'd like to share it with other black men out here whom I suspect have or are close to reaching it, too.

Feminism is real and necessary, but the majority of

these online "feminists" aren't. Contrary to what they say, the majority of them don't truly want black men to unlearn the toxicity patriarchy has taught us and heal from it, because healed black men aren't easy to manipulate with sex, don't give ourselves away for cheap to

abusive, one-sided, inequitable relationships with women, and don't base our worth on our usefulness to everyone but ourselves. Healed black men realize our inherent worth as human beings outside of patriarchy's lens and exercise our autonomy fully. Healed black men are

vulnerable men, and as much as these spaces swear out it wants us to be more of that, they prove again and again they aren't ready to provide space for it. Healed black men serious about feminism understand that it is about, among other things, establishing equitable

relationships between men and women, not liberating black women from their gender roles while pushing black men further into theirs.

Black men, to shun feminism is to operate at your own detriment. Learn it and, more importantly, connect it to your self growth and learn why you're compelled to feel the things you feel and do the things you do. Read bell hooks, read Audre Lorde, read Toni Morrison, read

the words of women who didn't treat nuance as a nuisance the way these spaces do. But whatever you do, avoid this pseudo brand of feminism being passed around as legit activism on the internet.

You can do the work of unlearning and prioritize your mental health, and none of the work we have to do as men requires us to romanticize and pedestal black women as above critique and correction in these relationships we share with them, and our stories and experiences

matter and are just as relevant to conversations around dismantling patriarchy as everyone else's.