ok so here goes nothing:

here's my story of the osmonds and how they've essentially been a part of my entire life

so the thing a lot of people ask is how did I even find out about the osmonds, how am I an osmonds fan etc, short answer is: my grandma.

heres the long answer: my grandma is my best friend, that woman has been by my side through thick and thin and I'm closer to her than I am to any other person on the planet. the similarities in our lives are quite scary, I'm just her repeated 40 years later

in the 70s my grandma was a fan of the osmonds, she grew up with their music, would skip choir practise if they were on totp or anything (yeah she was more of a david cassidy fan but not the point)

when I was very young I loved to watch musicals, and I still do. it just so happened that there was this fun little musical that we had on video that I LOVED to watch called joseph and the amazing tecnhicolor dreamcoat starting none other than donny osmond

that was my first introduction to the name osmond, age of 5 maybe watching joseph on video most nights, I loved that movie. it also started my love of theatre because it was the first show I ever saw at a theatre

I didn't know about the osmonds band at this point, had no clue who the osmonds were, I only knew about joseph.

the osmond brothers 50th anniversary in show business was in 2007 and they announced a world tour for 2008, one of the shows being in newcastle. Christmas 2007 my grandma gets a present from my grandad with 2 tickets to see the osmonds

knowing how much I loved joseph, she decided to take me with her rather than going with my grandad (idk if my grandad planned on going with her but according to my grandma she immediately said "ooo rachel we're going to see the osmonds"

and that's how I discovered them, I'll go into detail about the different concerts and how they got to mean as much to me as they do now

• 50th Anniversary Concert - 2008 •

this was not just my first osmond concert but also my first concert ever. we were relatively close to the stage, it was in a big arena and 8 year old me was very nervous about everything

I only knew donny but I was still very excited. this concert was all 7 of the performing siblings, which is something I'm so thankful I've had an opportunity to see and I'll never take it for granted how lucky I am to have witnessed that

sadly I can't remember much of this concert, I remember enjoying it. I remember it being LOUD, I remember the security trying to get us to be united in the "we want the osmonds" chant

something I remember SO clearly is 1 moment during the concert. remember how I said I was in love with Joseph and the amazing tecnhicolor dreamcoat? well imagine how 8 year old me felt when the person I watched on tv many nights was stood on stage in front of me

singing any dream will do, that's probably when it clicked in my brain who it was, I remember singing along and smiling wide. that was one of the best moments, I remember him getting is to sing the aahh's in it. I was essentially living a dream

I found a very bad short clip that was taken of him singing this at the concert I was at on YouTube, here it is: I'll be like 6/7 rows behind this

I remember getting my grandma to get me a shirt afterwards (which I still have) and it is very small. (it's now signed by Merrill and Jay) she also ordered a CD of that show which was recorded that night which means I can relive it

I remember Marie having a wardrobe malfunction during her duet with Merrill which meant Merrill sang more of the song than he would have normally (the universe working in my favour before I even knew it was)

it's one of those things that I wish I could remember better but I'm so thankful for the experience of it and will never take it for granted!

• Donny and Marie - 2013 •

so my grandma entered a competition with metro radio for 2 tickets to see donny and marie in glasgow and won, it happened to be on a school day so I may or may not have skipped school to go to it

it was a great night, loved every bit of it, got a shirt after that again I ago have only this time it still fits and I wear it frequently

people outside after the show were shocked that I was a fan because I was like singing the songs and stuff

there isn't really much to tell about this one, it was the last time I saw donny and marie and I'm not sure if I'll ever really get to see them again. maybe donny, we'll see what happens.

• Boogie Nights (Merrill, Jay + Jimmy) - 2013 •

this wasn't exactly a concert, more of like a musical about the 70s with a concert shoved in the middle

great night, concert was the best part. I was sat upstairs for this one and this was the last time I was sat upstairs for an osmonds concert

I bought like a goodie bag thing that had a mug and a copy of their new single in it and some other bits and pieces

• Christmas - 2015 •

ok, for this one to make sense I need to start a bit earlier

2015 was possibly the worst year for me mentally, my depression was getting progressively worse to the point where I just never wanted to leave the house, I wasn't feeling happy about doing anything

I would pretty much panic about having to do anything it was A Lot, not only that but around this time was when my dad pretty much cut off all contact with me, it was all really rough

I was crying most of the days, sometimes for no reason at all. any little thing that went wrong would just tip me over the edge and spur on another breakdown it was really hard, not only for me but my family also. I was dreading Christmas

I would normally feel Christmassy during like November, it was now halfway through December and I had not felt the Christmas spirit once, didn't really feel like smiling etc

what does this have to do with the osmonds? my grandma had booked us tickets to go and see their Christmas show at the beginning of the year, I was absolutely dreading it, I didn't want to ruin the osmonds which was mine and my grandmas thing

I like to call this concert "the concert that changed my life" we were sat 2nd row, it was like 4 days before Christmas and I had yet to feel christmassy in any way.

out come the 3 brothers: Merrill, Jay and Jimmy. the place where I was sat Merrill was pretty much stood in front of me the entire time, he smiled at me a couple of times and threw a candy cane out to me (which I still have)

I can't explain the way I felt properly, but it was the first time I had felt truly happy in a few months at least. my heart felt warm and I was smiling wide the entire time.

they came out into the audience at one point and I got to shake jimmys hand

pretty sure I nearly cried purely because of how happy I felt, I just can't explain it

I still didn't really know who they were individually (I remember SO clearly saying to my grandma before the concert "Merrill is the one with the white hair right?"

I remember being in the taxi on the way home from that concert being so sad that it was over and just wanting that feeling I had during it back, I said to my grandma "if they come back we have to go"

this was the first time I felt like that after a concert, I had like maybe watched a couple videos and listened to a couple of songs before but like I had never felt like this

• 2016 •

ok this bit isn't actually a concert but more to fill a gap between this concert and the next one

after that concert at Christmas I was desperately seeking to feel the happiness I felt during it, so I watched videos on YouTube. any video of the osmonds I could find I would watch, it was all I would do

new years eve I took myself to the doctors to try and get some help, with the osmodns playing in my ears I was able to leave the house without as much of the fear I previously had. I had the song "and you love me" playing on repeat

I still only really knew donny, so, how did I become a Merrill fan? simple, I actually watched videos of all of the osmonds

there is a series of videos that they did in 1974 at shepherd's bush that I watched and still love to watch to this day and very quickly found myself watching merrill instead of watching donny

I then watched a documentary called being the osmonds which basically cemented merrill as not only my favourite osmond but my favourite person

in this documentary merrill talks about his experience growing up with depression and about how he had suffered with it really bad at the age of 16/17. to the same extreme that I was experiencing it

I felt this instant connection with this sweet, soft spoken man, something I think I had already felt previously but didn't really understand why. I've always kind of been drawn to merrill and I think that's why, we're very similar in experiences

I remember thinking if he could get through what he did, the same things I was going through and at the same age, then so could I. He said he loves helping people and listening to their stories of how he's helped them

I remember thinking, I want to make him proud, I want to be able to tell him one day about how he's helped me and mean it. if I wasn't going to do it for me, I was going to do it for him. Merrill Osmond saved my life and it's as simple as that

my grandma, the sweetheart that she is, knew I was struggling and made me listen to the plan. my good god that album, I listened to one way ticket to anywhere and cried, it's not a typical song that would make you cry but I'll explain why:

there is a verse in it that goes "hey you there, drowning in the ocean, hey you there put yourself in motion, you can do it" I had the osmonds in my ears basically chanting saying I can do it and I don't have to drown anymore

I truly felt like they were speaking directly to me and it just hit me like a tonne of bricks, again I was going to do this and I can do this and I know i can because they said so

I was laughing again, I was able to do a bit more, I was able to leave the house (as long as I had my headphones) I was slowly becoming a better person

I wasn't cured, and I'm still not, but I was a heck of a lot better than I was. i wrote a letter to merrill which I gave to him, I quoted that bit of the song and said "I'm not out of the ocean yet but I'm out of the deep end and slowly swimming towards the shore"

I so desperately wanted to meet Merrill, I had convinced myself that it was a foolish dream and would never happen. we had booked tickets to the next concert but they weren't meet and greet tickets

I would occasionally cry because I had convinced myself it would never happen, had to stop myself from day dreaming about what I'd possibly say to him if I ever met him because it would just break my heart

Christmas day - I open my card from my grandma, she made me open it last. inside were the 2 tickets for the concert. I was confused because I already knew I had tickets to see them. I looked closer and one of them was slightly more expensive and said "VIP" on it

my grandma had spent a couple of months emailing back and forth working to upgrade my ticket to a VIP because she knew how much I needed it. i sobbed, I was utterly speechless I had no Idea what to do with myself. I was going to meet the osmonds finally

but most importantly I was going to be meeting Merrill and I was going to be able to thank him FINALLY, I got those tickets 5 days before the concert which meant I had 5 days to prepare myself mentally for it

I sat and I rewrote my letter that I had written but never sent, it ended up being 4 pages long. I was as ready as I could be.

• christmas - 2016 •

ok, so, the day arrived, I was the most nervous a person can be before just blacking out completely. I felt sick, I felt like crying, I couldn't eat. I was feeling a lot of emotions at once and didn't exactly know how to deal with them

I was stood outside the building and was just like shaking, I didn't know what to do with myself. this was something I had dreamed about all year, but it was a dream I had given up on so i couldn't quite believe it was happening

I knew Merrill was already inside because Mary (his wife) walked past me to go back in, then Jimmy turns up, says hi to a couple of people and goes in and then Jay turned up and came round and shook EVERYONE'S hand before going in, which was a really sweet thing

he even came all the way to the back where my grandma was sat in her wheelchair and shook her hand and my grandads hand (I also got a hug) so TECHNICALLY Jay is the first osmond I ever met

then we're given our wristbands and we're let inside the stage door, and we're stood inside the bit between the auditorium and outside. I was SHAKING. then we're told they were ready and we're let inside properly

I'm like the 1st or 2nd person in the door, and who is the first person I see standing on the stage? the man himself, merrill osmond. the man is convinced myself wasn't actually real even though I'd seen him live a couple of times before

he was stood on stage, saw us, waved and was smiling big and singing to welcome us in. genuinely felt like crying the second I saw him.

they then sang a couple of songs for a sound check and then answered a couple of questions and then they came down for photos

I met Jimmy first, got a hug and then Jay. Merrill was still talking to the person who was in front of me so I stood and chatted to Jay and Jimmy for a little bit, I mentioned to them that the osmonds had helped me a lot over the last year

they both gave me another hug and we were chatting a little bit more, I mentioned that my first osmonds concert was when the 50th anniversary when I was 8 and we had a little chat about that

THEN Merrill finished talking to the person in front of me

Jimmy said "and this is out brother Merrill" and I remember quietly responding "oh I know who that is"

I walk over to him and said "you've helped me the most over this last year" and he pulled me into what, at the time, was the biggest hug I'd ever had

he softly said "oh sweetheart" and then pulled away and said "how are you now? are you doing any better?" with his hands still on my shoulders, I nearly cried at this because he was the first person to ask me that question and I honestly felt like i could answer with "yes"

I gave him the letter I wrote, saying that I wrote it because I had so much to say but not enough time to say it. he said he would read it and I said "it's a bit long" and he replied with "that doesn't matter"

I then gave my phone to Wyatt (Jimmys son) and he took this photo of us:

after that meet and greet I had to sit down and cry a little, my heart was so full, I had achieved what I so desperately wanted. I had been able to get myself to a point where I was able to do things again and I was able to thank Merrill and give him a hug

before that point I had sat and thought to myself, maybe if I could just get a hug from merrill, everything will be alright. he always talks about his bear hugs and everyone talks about how good a hugger he is

to be totally honest? I was right. when I finally got that hug from merrill I feel like some parts of myself kind of fixed itself, I felt better than I did before I walked in. I like to say that Merrill has healing hugs, and I don't care how stupid that sounds

because it's true to me, and that's not the only time I've experienced the warm feeling of a healing hug from merrill, each time something gets a lil better

the concert after that meet and greet felt like a dream, none of it felt quite real. I was pretty much in tears the entire time. I adored every moment of it.

• blackpool - 2017 •

in april merrill had an auction on ebay for one of his t-shirts, my grandma entered it and ended up winning. it said that if you brought it to any of his uk shows that were coming up he would sign it.

immediately after winning we went and booked tickets for the blackpool show including travel and accommodation, the show was for June 5th which was less than 2 months later. I couldn't quite believe it

i thought that the christmas concert was going to be my one and only chance to meet merrill and here i was, 4 months later, preparing to meet him again. I couldnt wait

this was my first solo concert of merrills so i was really looking forward to it, the meet and greet was after the concert so i did spend most of the concert being VERY nervous about that but i was so excited

merrill got lost at the beginning of the 2nd half of the show and its one of my favourite things ever

at the meet and greet i kept letting people go in front of me because i was so nervous, but then i eventually got to the front. merrill saw me and immediately smiled and said "How're you doing bud?" and gave me a hug

i then said that i had met him at the last christmas show and that i gave him a letter and he said "i remember that whole thing" and then he said "one day we're going to sit down and talk about it all, i promise"

this like broke me, i got my photo taken with him and then walked away, forgetting to get the shirt signed, I go and collect the photo, while i was waiting in the line i start just crying because of the things he said and how sweet he was etc (here's the photo:)

i then realised that i had forgotten to get the shirt signed so they let me go back over to him, bearing in mind that i have tears just streaming down my face and ask if he could sign the shirt, he had to help me get it out of the bag because i was shaking so much

he had his hand on my shoulder the entire time and asked if i was ok, he got the shirt out and said "where do you want me to sign it?" and i said "anywhere you want, its your shirt" he signed it and before i left he told me to look after myself

i leave the room where the meet and greet was and go back to my grandma and have to just sit for a bit because of how overwhelmed with emotion i was. we then go downstairs and wait at the stage door. merrill comes out eventually and starts saying hi to people

he comes over to us eventually, i was stood behind my grandma who was in her wheelchair, he shakes my grandmas hand, she thanks him for all hes done for me and then he looks up at me, points at me and said "i absolutely loved your spirit tonight - you've made me very happy"

merrill saying this to me was one of the highlights of the night, the thought that i could have made him happy after all hes done for me was absolutely incredible

that weather in blackpool was absolutely terrible that whole weekend. but for me, the sun was shining the entire time.