bakusquad making fun of bakugou for his feelings for deku & constantly calling him a dumb pining coward who’ll NEVER confess cuz he doesn’t have the balls.. he keeps denying about his feeling but they won’t shut up so, out of pettiness & annoyance, he decides to “confess” to deku

“I DON’T EVEN LIKE THE NERD BUT HOLY SHIT, FINE!!” he screams at them then quickly stomps away before the idiots could try to stop him..

bakugou, yelling: *VIOLENTLY KICKS DOWN DOOR* I LOVE YOU, BITCH!!!

deku, on the phone: *accidentally crushes his phone into pieces* WH—!!?

somehow, FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, deku blushes & confesses that it’s mutual & bakugou’s brain lags for a sec??? did he.. did he just hear that right??

“...HAH?”

“Um, I— I like you, too, Kacchan...”

bakugou.exe stops working but his mind is also running a mile per second

WAIT, FUCK THIS WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN, HOLD THE FUCK UP— SHIT, THE NERD’S—?? WHY DID I—!!

bakugou doesn’t know how he’s supposed to tell deku how it’s all a misunderstanding, a stupid mistake caused by his group of idiots..

he imagines how heartbroken deku would look if he just laid it on him in that moment & for some reason, the image makes his chest hurt.. so he doesn’t tell him the truth yet & decides to wait for an appropriate amount time for him to naturally “break up” with the nerd...

it’s been 3 years & he still doesn’t know how to break it to deku but for some UNKNOWN reason, something deep inside him makes him think that he doesn’t really feel like doing that anymore??

especially when deku hugs him like an octopus strangling him or when he gives hundreds of his gross kisses or when deku shyly holds his hand & happily swings their hands together while walking or— fuck, his stomach feels funny just thinking about!!

whatever. he guesses his body is signalling that 3 years isn’t an appropriate time to “break up” with deku yet. he’ll just wait for a bit longer. no biggy.

also, whenever there’s a couple-y holiday/event, bakugou goes all out even though he doesn’t need to cuz they’re not really an /actual/ couple but bakugou katsuki does his goddamn best in everything, even in stupid shit like “pretend dating,” so PLUS FUCKIN ULTRA, BITCHES.

on valentine’s, he /obviously/ made the BEST homemade chocolate for deku (after he almost set the kitchen on fire but nobody needs to know about that)

bakugou: *slams fist on deku’s desk as he shoves chocolate into deku’s mouth* HAPPY VALENTINE’S, BITCH!!

deku: *choking* KK—

they also celebrated Christmas Eve together like a normal couple would.

bakugou: *smashes a mistletoe onto deku’s forehead while pulling him by his collar for a kiss* MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCH!

deku: *squawks out of joy & also fear from getting poked in the eye by the mistletoe*

their anniversary was also a pretty sweet, heartwarming event for the the couple.

bakugou: *shoves a bouquet of flowers into deku’s nose* HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BITCH!!

deku: *suffocating & about to sneeze from all the flower pollen* KHH—

their “first time“ was also a beautiful, romantic moment.

bakugou, blushing & panting: *kicks down deku’s door & hurls condoms & a bottle of lube onto deku’s face at 3am* LET’S FUCK, BITCH!

deku, horny but also terrified & speechless as bakugou unzips his pants: KACCHAN!!?

can’t stop thinking of more stupid bakudeku scenarios so let’s all keep laughing at these idiots!! :)

it’s been 7 years since they started pretend dating & bakugou’s still wondering when’s the right time for them to break up?? is it time yet? fuck, what was even the plan again?

but the he pushes the idea at the back of his mind cuz at the moment, the bakusquad’s making fun of him again while they‘re in their reunion, saying that he’s not “husband material” & his significant other would never want to have kids with him & would probs want a divorce.

“FUCK YOU, GUYS! I’LL FUCKIN SHOW YOU THAT I’M THE BEST HUSBAND ANYONE CAN EVER HAVE!”

so, out of spite (again), he walks out of the bar to the nearest jewellery store, buys the biggest, most expensive engagement ring & then barges into deku’s apartment (with his own spare key)

he’s sweating from sprinting up the stairs (not cuz he’s nervous)

bakugou, blushing & trembling: *violently chucks ring box onto deku’s head* MARRY ME, BITCH!!!

deku, on the kitchen floor, head aching from the ring box hitting his head, elated, in love & in pain: WH— YES—!??

after the wedding ceremony, the bakusquad congratulates bakugou & ask him about their plans for the future. they also talk about their families & new kids, showing off about how they’re absolute angels & then joke about bakugou having kids, saying that they’d be evil gremlins.

the next day, bakugou forcefully shakes deku awake in bed at 5 in the morning..

bakugou, determined: *violently shoves a stack of adoption papers into deku’s face & a pen into deku’s hand* WE’RE GETTING KIDS, BITCH!!

deku, startled: *suffocating & confused* MMPPHH— !!!??