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Can somebody just, like, run me over with their Hyundai Elantra? For some reason I'm really craving that right now.
Elantra owners *ONLY* please DM if interested. Must not be leasing either. Have to actually own.
Kia Forte owners can fuck right off.
Elantra owners *ONLY* please DM if interested. Must not be leasing either. Have to actually own.
Kia Forte owners can fuck right off.
Everyone's in my mentions like "BUT WHAT ABOUT MY JEEP WRANGLER???" Honestly, it's all insulting. I was very specific with the vehicle for a reason.
Look, I get a lot of you want to run me over with your vehicles but can you be a little more considerate about my needs?
ffs
Look, I get a lot of you want to run me over with your vehicles but can you be a little more considerate about my needs?
ffs
a day later and not a single offer smdh
Okay it's been about 5 days and I have yet to receive an offer. At this point I'm opening this up to owners of any four door small size passenger vehicles. Must be four door only, however. Automatic or manual is fine.
Kia owners can still fuck right off though. DO NOT DM ME.
Kia owners can still fuck right off though. DO NOT DM ME.
IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS AND YOU ABSOLUTE COWARDS HAVEN'T EVEN SENT ME A SINGLE DM.
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE OPPORTUNITY?
THE RELEASE IT WOULD GRANT ME?
JESUS FUCKING GOD DAMN BITCH ASS CHRIST WILL NOBODY RUN ME OVER WITH A REASONABLY PRICED MID-SIZE SEDAN???
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE OPPORTUNITY?
THE RELEASE IT WOULD GRANT ME?
JESUS FUCKING GOD DAMN BITCH ASS CHRIST WILL NOBODY RUN ME OVER WITH A REASONABLY PRICED MID-SIZE SEDAN???
I cannot fully express the absolute depths of my disgust & disappointment that not one of you has taken me up on this offer.
DAY 35
Everyone thinks I'm a joke. "An Elantra? What a pissbaby."
I see that flash of amusement. Then? Uncaring.
They're weak.
Here am I, just simply wanting a person to run me over with their stylish yet affordable Korean-made compact car & I'm the weird one?
What cowards.
Everyone thinks I'm a joke. "An Elantra? What a pissbaby."
I see that flash of amusement. Then? Uncaring.
They're weak.
Here am I, just simply wanting a person to run me over with their stylish yet affordable Korean-made compact car & I'm the weird one?
What cowards.
DAY 64
I wander the streets yearning for a release I cannot seem to know. I've grown desperate. I've been camping next to a dealership, hoping some careless test driver might not check their blind spot.
I crave the sturdy ergonomic collision I seem to be destined to never have.
I wander the streets yearning for a release I cannot seem to know. I've grown desperate. I've been camping next to a dealership, hoping some careless test driver might not check their blind spot.
I crave the sturdy ergonomic collision I seem to be destined to never have.
DAY 94
It's PAX Day.
I awaken having spent last evening in good company. I feel good. I go outside. To head to breakfast.
There it is.
Waiting.
One of Popular Mechanics "Best Compact Cars" of 2018.
The Hyundai Elantra GT.
I freeze.
Somewhere in the distance, a bird cries.
It's PAX Day.
I awaken having spent last evening in good company. I feel good. I go outside. To head to breakfast.
There it is.
Waiting.
One of Popular Mechanics "Best Compact Cars" of 2018.
The Hyundai Elantra GT.
I freeze.
Somewhere in the distance, a bird cries.
DAY 127
[puts on Mozart's Requiem in D minor, K. 626]
[skips to end of the Dies Irae sequence when the Lacrimosa begins]
[starts watching muted Hyundai Elantra commercials]
[begins peeling all my skin off]
[weeps silently]
[puts on Mozart's Requiem in D minor, K. 626]
[skips to end of the Dies Irae sequence when the Lacrimosa begins]
[starts watching muted Hyundai Elantra commercials]
[begins peeling all my skin off]
[weeps silently]
Hyundai Elantra:
Safe, sleek, and ergonomic.
Please run me over.
Safe, sleek, and ergonomic.
Please run me over.
thinkin about
~her~
~her~
It's like fucking clockwork at this point, jesus christ somebody help
