I've lived at this complex for about five years now, and let me tell you, I have had the weirdest experience with neighbours.

My first neighbour, was an old white woman who had been completely neglected by her family. She used to work at a creche and was definitely an alcoholic.

Her car had seats missing and was always covered in glitter and smelled like wine. She never ate proper meals, she just bought canned food and ate stuff straight out of the can.

She was nice when she was sober enough to seem lucid, shame. But she had a lot of ghosts.

Her husband had died by suicide and her kids abandoned her because they blamed her for his death. It was really tough. One day, she had a stroke and died and her family didn't care. I was the one who found her body and when we called her son to tell him, he said he's too busy.

She and Chulu bonded over YouTube videos of Julius in parliament and my parking skills were sharpened because no two parking days were the same for her. My house did have a cockroach infestation because of how filthy her house was, but hey, we all have our shortcomings.

My next neighbour was even more interesting. An indian man from Durban, who worked as a graphic designer by day and was a comic book enthusiast by night. His lounge was filled with comic book collectables, including a life size Darth Vader.

My first encounter with him was when he couldn't find his phone charger and asked to borrow mine. Whilst fetching it for him, he commented on the dishes in my sink and when I told him I'm I'm unbothered by dishes, he said "but you're a girl" so that was a nice touch.

He was always screaming at people on his phone, smoking weed and playing Need for Speed very loudly. He always threatened people with violence when he was unhappy with something, like paint chipping in his lounge, which he told me about a lot.

He did take a lot of pride in his GTI though, he hated Joburg because "the curry isn't the same" (as his mother's - that cde never cooked). He suspected that the person who lived in the flat before him had died but I wasn't going to be the one who confirmed that.

He moved out at the beginning of the month. New neighbours moved in yesterday. I haven't met them yet, but when I left the house earlier, our entire block smelled like weed, and they seemed to be having a very serious party inside. Details to follow once I've met them.

I really like the idea of neighbours. I mostly mind my own business but sometimes it's important to get to know the people who live in close proximity to you. It's both interesting and safe. Next thing your neighbours do murders and you can't give the cops any info.

The new person has definitely spawned from Satan's rib. Three days after he moved in, I came home to find SAPS outside his door. They were there to serve him with court papers because he owes someone money. They told him that even if he's underground, he needs to come home.

He got home after the police left, got a bunch of stuff and fled for the night like a ghost. A few nights later, he was up until about 4am, having a screaming match with his girlfriend. One of the gems from that fight was her saying: "You don't even know how to fuck!"

Tense.

Last night, I was woken up at 2am, by music so loud, I could Shazam it from my bed. He and his friends were sipping their youth during the witching hour. I'm not sure what kind of job he has that allows him to get turnt on a Tuesday morning, but I called security.

I should say that Satan's spawn has settled a bit. His girlfriend bought a car but he uses it most of the time. The noise has pretty much stopped, and he now greets Chulu with a "sho bruh" whenever he sees us.

I, obviously, am invisible.

After five long years, I moved out on Sunday. The new place has already introduced me to some new characters, so expect a sequel to this messy thread soon.

I am definitely not writing a book on this, please, I have a million boxes to unpack.

I think I can come back to this thread. My complex gives you much more privacy so learning new things about neighbours has been difficult. Lockdown, however, is bringing out some content. Like, The Man Upstairs.

When I moved in, I was told that The Man Upstairs basically doesn't live here. What I wasn't told was that when he *did show up, it was going to be passive aggressive double parking, industrial level vacuum cleaning and very angry phone calls.

New neighbours moved into the unit across mine. I've been sussing them out and right now, it seems like a man and his son. They're of the caucasian variety so imagine my shock and horror when I looked out the window and saw the little boy being made to wash the windows.

The Man Upstairs is moving. He worked for one of the PSL teams and has lost his job because the team doesn't have enough money to retain staff. I am really sad for him, but I'm excited at the prospect of a new neighbour. Hopefully one that doesn't believe in rigorous vacuuming.