Self care for children of immigrants can look different. It’s learning to differentiate between what is good for you & what looks good to others. It’s learning that your independence & choices won’t actually kill your parents or family members, no matter how much they say it will

It’s loving where you come from but hating the way you’ve been treated because of archaic cultural norms. Self care is being told your friends aren’t as important as your family, but choosing your friendships anyway, bc sometimes they understand you better.

Self care for firstgens can be baby steps to introducing our parents to a creative skill we want to make a career out of or a friend we actually love romantically. It can be pretending our phone died or “isn’t working” when family members call because we just can’t.

Sometimes self care is letting our parents think they have a say in a decision we’ve already made. It’s keeping quiet when we want to speak up. It’s speaking up and enduring the disappointment and shame our family might feel from it.

It’s secretly pursuing our dreams & sometimes it’s foregoing the support of our family. It’s learning self reliance. Self care is not posting or wanting to be tagged in photos on social media because we don’t want aunty to see it. It’s telling small lies out of survival or fear.

Self care is lying about going to therapy, so you can learn in therapy how to communicate to your parents. It’s teaching yourself about sexual health. It’s lying about going to the doctor bc your parents would have expected you to see their friend & you want confidentiality

It’s learning to manage expectations & hold our own hands. Self care is loving our family, but also recognizing what’s toxic. It’s constantly trying to set boundaries no matter how much they’re dismissed. It’s knowing when to stop.

Self care for first gens is knowing that most of the time when you choose you, you’ll be reprimanded. Self care is choosing you anyway, and learning to manage the guilt of feeling like a bad daughter/son.