HERE WE GO BEEEEECH

I’m only like 10 minutes in and I’ve been collecting ingredients like a madman because hell yeah

Breath of the Wild, or RPG cooking mama

No I swear I wasn’t an idiot taking 30 minutes trying to find a second shrine

Whelp I just detonated my first bomb on myself and I have a feeling it won’t be the last

I cannot wait to dress this baby in different outfits

I finally wrangled a horse and I had to put down my Switch because I wanted to cry tears of joy (I kept getting kicked )

No I definitely didn’t spend hours in Kakariko village trying to do all the side quests and cook, that would be so irresponsible to Zelda...

This game has so much clever design... like it communicates and suggests without ever shoving only one solution down your throat

I don’t think I’ve ever died so much in a Zelda game and I’m still having a blast

I could feed apples to my horses for the rest of my life and never get bored

I feel like this game is making me smarter. That probably sounds dumb but every time I figure something out I’m just

THE BLOOD MOON WARNING HAS NO BUSINESS BEING SO ALARMING

(Dyeing my clothes pink)

Calamity Ganon: what the hell are you wearing

Link: it’s my ass kicking outfit bitch

One thing Twilight Princess has over BOTW (other than Midna) is the automatic option to pet/hold animals which is sadly one of the few flaws of BOTW

THERE HE IS

Why is the Guardian music so freaking scary I hate it (I love it)

Honestly who needs Skyrim when you have BOTW

This has become a BOTW stan account and I’m not sorry

The amount of people who have hit on Link is frankly not enough and more people need to know how cute and powerful he is

Do y’all have recommendations about which Divine Beast I tackle first?

HEY UH GUYS THERES A FREAKIN DEAGON FLYING OVER A BRIDGE WHAT THE HELL

Hey uh LYNEL’S HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE SO TERRIFYING

I need Sidon to be right next to me while I’m drawing, validating everything I do

Link: *breathes*

Sidon: OMG LINK YOURE AMAZING FANTASTIC POWERFUL WONDERFUL WHAT A GOOD GUY

One Divine Beast down, three to go!

NO ONE WARNED ME THE BIRD PEOPLE WOULD BE HOT

Me: oh cool the Lost Woods! Wow I found the Korok Forest! Oh neat there’s a sword in the ground- WAIT

That moment when there Hero of Time thinks the Master Sword is just a rusty sword in the ground and ignores it until one of the Koroks points out what it is

Knowing I’m going to make BOTW fan art but not knowing what to start with

Link: (signing) hey Revali look at me

(Revali looks)

Link: (signing) bitch

Yes my headcanon is that Link talks with sign language and I’m sticking to it

YA GURL GOT HERSELF A MASTER SWORD WOOOOOOO

I’m now in the Gerudo territory where all the hot ladies are so please send your thoughts and prayers in this difficult time

Oh god too many hot muscular women around me

If Urbosa would destroy me, that would be great thanks

Every time Link shivers or is too hot, mother instincts I never knew I had pop up out of nowhere

I have two modes in this game: lazily finding the path of least resistance or making things way harder than they need to be

HEY WHY IS THERE A GIANT SKELETON IN THE WOODS MOM COME PICK ME UP IM SCARED

I unlocked the memory where Zelda is crying and I CANT HANDLE MY BABY IN TEARS AND DESPAIR

Is this old professor dude really asking me to strip down so he can see my naked body

HECK I BEAT MY FIRST GUARDIAN WALKER

All Divine Beasts taken down!! Now time to avoid my responsibilities of saving the Princess for other things

I absolutely love the theme music for Gordon City, it is everything

I like to imagine the first thing the Shrine peeps say to me when they see me is “took you long enough to figure it out, idiot.”

If BOTW 2 doesn’t have 40 more outfits, I will riot

The BOTW Great Fairies have the best Great Fairy design in the series don’t @ me

I’ve decided you can’t be straight in Hyrule. You just can’t, there’s too many hot people

I BEAT MY FIRST LYNEL OMG

The funniest thing to me will always be that flashback that implies Link could take on like 5 Lynels, implying that pre-amnesia Link is a better gamer than me

HEY UH THERES A GLOWING ETHEREAL DEER

I DID IT OMG I TAMED THE LORD OF THE MOUNTAIN I DID IT

NOOOO I CANT REGISTER HIMMMM

I will say the biggest lie of this game is that Gerudo ladies are only looking for men to marry

It’s so sad but every time I discover a new stable I get so giddy

Zelda: Link can I see the Sheikah Slate?

Link: (signing) uhhhh one minute (hurriedly deletes copious amounts of pics of Sidon)

My niece is dragging me for being able to beat the Divine Beasts but struggles with Lynels

HOW DID I MISS THE COLISEUM THIS PLACE IS RAD HECK

Not to be crude, but Silver Lynels can go screw themselves

GIANT HORSE GIANT HORSE GIANT HORSE GIANT HORSE GIANT HORSE GIANT HORSE

I have almost all the shrines done and I’ve been putting off Eventide Island and the sand seals race far too long

Whenever I visit or talk to Sidon, I can’t stop my brain from bringing up the fact that sharks have two penises

IM FIGHTING GANON OH BOY

WHY IS HE SO BIG WHY

I DID IT I DID IT OH MY GOD I BEAT BREATH OF THE WILD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Whelp time to restart and relive the experience

It’s neat coming into a new game with experience and tactics, you feel like a boss

Can I just say Breath of the Wild is really hard to play when you have ADD and you keep getting distracted