This Chaser discourse right now reminds me that there’s absolutely no scenario where someone can fuck me and not be shamed, abused, and judged for it by so-called allies.

Sometimes it seems like the only socially acceptable way to be in a sexual relationship with a trans person is to maintain an unsatisfying relationship while being quietly and contritely disgusted with your partner’s body.

If someone is into my body, they’re clearly fetishists and chasers. The only ways I’m allowed being desired are by fetishization, by pity, or by some ephemeral bullshit where we pretend physical attraction isn’t real. The whole discourse reinforces that I am gross.

It’s like this discourse is led by people who never interact with real people in the real world. Sex and sexuality is weird and individual and gross and funny and not based on ridiculous rigid reductionist internet discourse categories.

I have just about the same chance of running into a unicorn as a cis man or woman who is only into women who will be into me in spite of (not partly because of) my body and my cock.

This happens in all discourse around non-hegemonic bodies. It’s always a Kobayashi Maru. Are you attracted to a fat woman? That’s fetishization (but I swear I’m body pos!) Black woman? Fetishization. Nobody ever pathologizes people who only wanna fuck skinny cis white people.

Don’t get me wrong. Fetishism exists and is gross. But fuck you if you think someone is only allowed wanting me in spite of my body. Fuck you if you think it’s wrong that I would like my partners to want me FOR my body. I’m allowed to feel and BE desirable.

It’s hard enough dating a trans person. This discourse makes it a damn minefield. People have literally killed themselves over it. And frankly? It’s very easy to see dating trans people as not worth the headache. So, you know, bravo for making it even tougher for us out there.

Also, let me be frank: A lot of men into trans women turn out trans. When I identified male, I was into trans women. I dated them because I felt it was pragmatic since I knew they were safe with me. Every time I was called a chaser, it pushed back my courage to come out.

I came out at 35. I should have come out at 20. But let me tell you, those fifteen years of torture? 100% of that was because of “allies.” Not because of the outward bigots. They didn’t hold me back. It was the people who would have defaulted to my support network.

Every time I thought “I should come out now,” I had echoes in the back of my mind of being called a “chaser,” knowing damn well I wasn’t. So if I came out, is that what anyone would date me would have to face from “allies?”

Every time I thought I was ready to be me, publicly, I was reminded of “intersectional feminists” telling me my voice wasn’t welcome because I was a “cis man.” The whole woke trans discourse seems to be about getting to tell other people who they are. And it stings.

I did this thread last night and had numerous people, fat women, POC, et cetera, DM "I don't want to say it's the same but I totally feel this."

It's not identical, but it IS the same. It's a social construct of building an acceptable range of identity. We're in this together.