Thread by @wyllawel, Inspired by @_shannon93's commitment to Jake Gyllenhaal, I'm gunna watch all of [...]

Inspired by @_shannon93's commitment to Jake Gyllenhaal, I'm gunna watch all of @VancityReynolds's films, in chronological order, excluding cameos & films he's in for about 5 seconds. I'll rewatch the ones I've already seen in the name of science. Yes, even that one.

Ordinary Magic (1993)
5/10
- Ryan's first film (according to Wikipedia)
- he's 16/17 but looks about 12
- not bad but not good either, it simply exists
- however there are some really good parts
- questionable accents
- so much turkey
- actuallly quite wholesome towards the end

Coming Soon (1999)
6.5/10
- the only reason this film tanked & is rated so badly is cuz it centres around women enjoying sex, asking for what they want & how bad men are at making women orgasm
- some soft queer content

- Ryan plays a loveable weirdo in a band
- deserved better

Coming Soon (1999)6.5/10- the only reason this film tanked & is rated so badly is cuz it centres around women enjoying sex, asking for what they want & how bad men are at making women orgasm- some soft queer content- Ryan plays a loveable weirdo in a band- deserved better

Boltneck (2000)
6/10
- "BOLTNECK WAS A MASTERPIECE!"

- I love horror parody bullshit like this so it was right up my street
- the scientific theory & practice was so bad it's hilarious
- Ryan is a crusty goth punk
- live guillotine
- what happened to Igor?

Finder's Fee (2001)
6/10
- not as boring as the synopsis suggests
- not as exciting as the film poster looks
- slow burn
- still a good story
- betrayed by the film poster again because baby-face Reynolds has a disgusting goatee
- still fancy him though
- Matthew Lillard

Van Wilder (2002)
7/10
- exactly my kind of garbage
- filthy
- the soundtrack fucking slaps
- between the ages of 25 & 26, @VancityReynolds finally went through puberty & it shows
- SO MUCH DEADPOOL FORESHADOWING / it's like a Deadpool Easter Egg time capsule
- Colossus the dog

Buying The Cow (2002)
4/10
- what the fuck was that
- & I say that as someone who watched people eating dog spunk doughnuts in Van Wilder
- this film only scored as high as 4 because @VancityReynolds was naked for most of it
- like fully naked
- the nonce plotline? I?
- Ryan?

Still thinking about this abomination. It's not even so bad that it's good, it's just tragic.

Here's the only part of Buying The Cow worthy of praise:

Excuse me Twitter but when have I EVER chosen NOT to see this?

The In-Laws (2003)
6/10
- Ryan's not in this much but it sounded fun so I watched it
- who doesn't love an undercover secret agent rom-com?
- Michael Douglas makes every film he's in 10x better
- Albert Brooks is great too
- I'm just a sucker for any film with a wedding

Foolproof (2003)
8/10
- never even heard of this film before & it's a fucking banger
- emotional rollercoaster
- excellent casting
- there's really not much I can say about this film without spoiling the plot
- Ryan's hair looks bad
- worth watching

I GET TO WATCH BLADE TRINITY NEXT I'M VERY EXCITED! Even though I have to watch the first two beforehand because I have never seen a Blade film because I'm a terrible vampire.

Cannot WAIT to get to 2009-10. I've seen most of these because I started watching Ryan Reynolds films in 2009 (I wonder why?) BUT I'm excited to watch these simultaneously & then ride the downward spiral, no, the salmon-cannon garbage chute, that was 2011 onwards.

Blade: Trinity (2004)
6/10
- Ryan chained up & getting the shit kicked out of him
- Wade Wilson as fuck
- VAMPIRE DOGS!
- brilliantly cast
- anticlimactic
- but overall okay
- Jessica Biel
- Natasha Lyonne
- Parker Posey
- Ryan chained up & getting the shit kicked out of him

The Amityville Horror (2005)
5.5/10
- I've seen this film a few times & I honestly can't decide if the film is decent or if Ryan's just really good in it
- Ryan does scary really well & I wish he did it more often
- aesthetically pleasing
- shirtless axe-wielding
- so much wood

Waiting (2005)
4/10
- I'm not sure this film should even exist
- why is there SO much noncing
- the only redeeming quality is that it's highly relatable content for anyone who's worked in the food service industry
- seriously, so much noncing
- what were they trying to achieve

Now I have to watch Just Friends which is honestly one of the worst films ever made.

Just Friends (2005)
2/10
- fatphobic misogynistic what-the-fuck-were-you-all-thinking BULLSHIT
- set it on fire, destroy all record of this film & never speak of it again
- if I had a time machine I'd go back to the moment Ryan signed on to this film & drag him out by the balls

Smokin' Aces (2006)
6.5/10
- I've seen this film a couple of times & I seem to enjoy it less every time because I don't feel the tension anymore so it's just not as exciting or interesting
- still good
- Ryan goes really hard in this film & I appreciate that
- unbelievable cast

The NIN9S (2007)
8.5/10
- complete & utter mindfuck
- Black Mirror/Twilight Zone vibes
- Melissa McCarthy is wonderful & brilliant
- original, smart, gripping & twisted
- well-written
- first film on the list I'm actually going to add to my DVD collection
- Ryan's ginger

Chaos Theory (2008)
8.5/10
- wow
- heartbreaking, hilarious, wholesome.
- Big Mood
- daddy
- might have just become one of my favourite films
- also adding this one to the DVD collection

Definitely Maybe (2008)
8/10
"I forgot to tell you the happy ending"
"What is it?"
"You."

- I really love this film
- it's easily one of the best romcoms ever made
- definitely top 3
- maybe even better than 10 Things...
- yeah, I did that on purpose
- Abigail Breslin is amazing

Fireflies In The Garden (2008)
7/10
- close to home
- a bit torn on how they wrapped up the parental abuse plotline, it was disappointing/sad but weirdly more realistic that way because that's how parental abuse works
- incredible cast
- beautifully shot
- thankfully no incest

Adventureland (2009)
5/10
- it's not a bad film I just find it dull
- nauseating & noncy
- boring characters
- seems to go on forever & yet nothing really happens
- yet it's somehow still slightly captivating
- Bill Hader/Kristen Wiig/Kristen Stewart are great

Ugh.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
5.5/10

The Proposal (2009)
9/10
-
- one of the greatest films of our generation
- I still remember watching it for the first time
- Whoever cast Ryan & Sandra together, I'd like to start a religion in your name.
- comedy gold
- WHOLESOME
- Betty fucking White

Paper Man (2009)
7.5/10
- one of my favourite Ryan Reynolds films
- Drop Dead Fred x Finding Neverland
- Ryan is hot as fuck & in spandex
- relatable content
- noncy overtones but they reel it in
- honestly Ryan is so hot
- funny, sad, beautiful.

Meet Captain Excellent, you're welcome.

& also there's this

Oh god. Buried is the most stressful film I've ever seen & I swore I'd never put myself through it again but that's still somehow more appealing than knowing I have to watch Green Lantern for the first time since I paid to see it in the cinema.

I'm watching Buried & I hate this film so much because it's so good but it's so fucking distressing

I want to protect you

Buried (2010)
9/10
- I love this film so much & yet never want to see it again
- one of Ryan's best performances
- I have so much admiration for filmmakers who can pull off stuff like this
- somehow provides a devastating commentary on modern society from underground in a box

Green Lantern (2011)
5/10
- & that's generous
- Blake Lively
- Blake AND Ryan
- the cgi is so bad & not in like a cool retro way it's just terrible
- Parallax has haunted me for years
- sucker for an origin story
- cringey af & not in a good way
- great ammo for Deadpool
- a mess

The Change-Up (2011)
7/10
- like Freaky Friday but for useless men
- Ryan Reynolds & Jason Bateman would be the last two guys I'd think of putting together for a comedy & it's fantastic
- crude & hilarious
- imagine if Deadpool was a babysitter trapped in someone else's body

The Whale (2011)
8.5/10
- utterly heartbreaking
- animals at their best
- humans at their worst
- some humans trying their best but failing
- I was surprised that the whale wasn't played by Scarlett Johansson
- read up about Luna/Tsu'xiit & the Mowachaht/Muchalaht First Nations

Safe House (2012)
7.5/10
- I got so angry failing to find a stream that would load past the first 10 minutes that I ended up renting it so @VancityReynolds that's another £2.49 on your tab
- nice & twisty
- some parts were predictable but that didn't ruin it
- Denzel Washington

When this thread is finished you all better send it to Ryan Reynolds at least once a day until he pays me what he owes. So far it's £2.49 in rent fees & £10 in emotional labour.

The Croods (2013)
5.5/10
- enjoyable but overall just kinda underwhelming when it it had so much potential
- the animation itself is really cute
- some really nice moments & covers some really sad topics
- I love Belt
- I would die for the saber-tooth kitty

Turbo (2013)
7/10
- this film is fucking great what the fuck?
- genuinely hilarious
- wholesome
- absolutely ridiculous cast
- Ryan makes such a good snail
- when they use their eyes like hands it kills me
- soundtrack slaps
- TACOS

About to watch R.I.P.D which I thirst-watched once before & it was an absolute train wreck, excited to revisit it.

R.I.P.D (2013)
5/10
"what did you think I was apologising for?"
"I mean, there's a list... R.I.P.D"
"horrible."

- utter nonsense
- Ghostbusters x 21 Jump Street & not in a good way
- Kevin Bacon is a great asshole
- some good moments
- otherwise trash

The Voices (2014)
6/10
- I've avoided watching this cuz I was worried it would stigmatise psychotic illnesses: it does
- but he's still portrayed as a good person?
- is it satire? a parody? who knows
- felt like it was trying to make a point about something & just missed
- tender

The Voices: best lines

and then there's this

The Captive (2014)
6/10
- could have been so much better
- poor structure
- brilliant performances
- heartbreaking
- twisted but true
- as badly as the story was told, you could still feel their pain
- please consider supporting

https://www.icmec.org/
https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/

The Captive (2014)6/10- could have been so much better - poor structure- brilliant performances- heartbreaking- twisted but true- as badly as the story was told, you could still feel their pain- please consider supporting https://www.icmec.org/ https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/

Mississippi Grind (2015)
5.5/10
- it's not a bad film but it's also not for me
- films about gambling are boring
- another £2.49 on the tab
- you get to see Ryan's cute & ridiculous leg tattoos all the way up his thigh
- he's also very attractive in this
- soft towards the end

Woman In Gold (2015)
9/10
"It is estimated that over 100,000 works of art stolen by the Nazis have not been returned to their rightful owners"
- read the story of the Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I
- Helen Mirren is incredible

- 'never again' is now:
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/06/26/how-to-donate-to-help-migrant-children-at-the-border.html

Self/Less (2015)
5.5/10
- such a great concept & yet so badly executed
- it really is all over the place
- the last 40 minutes or so are great but by that point it's too little too late
- nice ending
- twisted
- provides evidence to support the theory that we should eat the rich

DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT DEADPOOL NEXT

DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME DEADPOOL TIME

STARRING 'GOD'S PERFECT IDIOT'

Wade Wilson really went from being nervous about getting pegged in Deadpool 1 to eagerly wanting to make a super-baby with a strap-on in Deadpool 2, we love a strong character development. Thank you @VancityReynolds.

Deadpool (2016)
9.5/10
- a game-changer
- they did so well writing around the clusterfuck of his first portrayal
- watching Ryan on the press junket is so sweet cuz he's so nervous about how the film is going to do & it exceeded everyone's expectations
- I love you, Wade Wilson.

Not much left now & then we get into unreleased territory. I'm also watching Once Upon A Deadpool because I am garbage.

I'm watching Criminal & Piers Morgan is in this film so it's automatically cancelled.

Criminal (2016)
4.5/10
- what a mess
- hard to follow
- terrible science
- had to take a nap half way through
- another £2.49 on the tab @VancityReynolds
- who gave Piers Morgan the greenlight to be in this the fucking gammon sandwich
- incredible cast WASTED

No Good Deed (2017)
8.5/10
- even though this is just under 4 minutes long, it's still listed in his filmography & also I am Deadpool trash
- originally shown as a pre-film short before Logan
- you get to see Ryan's butt
- loads of easter eggs in such a short space of time

Life (2017)
7.5/10
- I genuinely love this film despite the fact that I was conned into watching it because Ryan's character dies very early on
- provided us with the Jake Gyllenhaal/Ryan Reynolds press junket which is a blessing in itself
- I love that the alien is called Calvin

The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)
9/10
- I fucking love this film
- one of my favourite films
- incredible cast
- I cannot WAIT for the sequel

Deadpool 2 (2018)
9.5/10
- the only reason it loses half a point is for fridging Vanessa
- which they could still fix
- I saw this 3 times the day it came out
- & then streamed it almost every day for a week
- I love this film with all my heart & it actually helped me a lot

So I've got Once Upon A Deadpool & Detective Pikachu & then I've really watched all @VancityReynolds films in under a month, huh. Might even branch out into his made-for-TV films if I have time.

Also, I'm absolutely turning this thread into a blog featuring alternative rubrics.

Once Upon A Deadpool (2018)
8/10
- I have never laughed so much in a cinema
- best for people who've watched the theatrical & supercut multiple times
- love that they used it to call themselves out re: fan criticisms i.e. fridging
- a moneygrab for charity
- testing the PG waters

tag yourself I'm Fred Savage

The fact that there are 3 credits scenes in this film & the first one tries to trick you into thinking there isn't any at all is so typical Deadpool

Detective Pikachu (2019)
6/10
- if it wasn't for the problematic villain arc I think I'd enjoy this film a lot more
- Pikachu is so fuzzy
- the Bulbasaur scene really gets me
- it's generally very wholesome & funny
- Detective Daddy

Well, I'm all caught up. Kinda sad it's done but it'll restart later this year with Six Underground & then next year with The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard & Free Guy.

Thanks for keeping me company while I'm off sick @VancityReynolds, can't wait to not tell my therapist about this.

6 Underground (2019)
8.5/10
- damn, it's good to be back
- getting shit on unnecessarily
- knows exactly what it is & milks it beautifully
- Scottish accent
- perfect messy nonsense action film
- there's some genuinely tense sequences that are incredible

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