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Alright, all. It's DEFCON countdown time. Feels like that means it's time to rank a whole bunch of hackers from TV/film.
(I'm only ranking people in stuff I've seen, so feel free to comment with what I've missed, but it's not guaranteed that I'll know it.)
(I'm only ranking people in stuff I've seen, so feel free to comment with what I've missed, but it's not guaranteed that I'll know it.)
First, the classic - Zero Cool/Crash Override from Hackers.
Solid name recognition, clearly good at what he does. Did get caught as a child, but then goes...partly white hat? After being...forced? Sweet moves, inspiring catchphrase, part of a cool hacker crew. 7/10
Solid name recognition, clearly good at what he does. Did get caught as a child, but then goes...partly white hat? After being...forced? Sweet moves, inspiring catchphrase, part of a cool hacker crew. 7/10
Acid Burn from Hackers.
Engages in hacker-battles, bad taste in (initial) boyfriend. Lies about pool existence, but appears to have a good sense of humor when revenge-sprinklers start. Pulls together after lone-wolfing it. Solo girl (get it). 6/10
Engages in hacker-battles, bad taste in (initial) boyfriend. Lies about pool existence, but appears to have a good sense of humor when revenge-sprinklers start. Pulls together after lone-wolfing it. Solo girl (get it). 6/10
Cereal Killer from Hackers (I swear, I'm moving on after this)
Who is he. What is he wearing. What does he do.
He is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and I love him.
Who is he. What is he wearing. What does he do.
He is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and I love him.
Lex Murphy from Jurassic Park.
She sure...knows Unix. A hero for her time (but, like, probably ONLY for her time). 4/10
She sure...knows Unix. A hero for her time (but, like, probably ONLY for her time). 4/10
(I forgot the score for Lillard, but the man has no name and has no score - he is scoreless and unknowable.)
David Levinson from Independence Day
Decoded an alien message. Created an alien-destroying virus. Saved the planet. Is Jeff Goldblum. 10/10
Decoded an alien message. Created an alien-destroying virus. Saved the planet. Is Jeff Goldblum. 10/10
Whole team from NCIS
What in the name of God. TWO PEOPLE CAN'T USE THE SAME KEYBOARD AT THE SAME TIME! UNPLUGGING A COMPUTER DOESN'T STOP A SYSTEM HACK! WHO ALLOWED THIS?!? 0/10
What in the name of God. TWO PEOPLE CAN'T USE THE SAME KEYBOARD AT THE SAME TIME! UNPLUGGING A COMPUTER DOESN'T STOP A SYSTEM HACK! WHO ALLOWED THIS?!? 0/10
Elliot Alderson from Mr. Robot
Very good at what he does. Maybe...maybe too good at what he does. Also a precious wounded boy. Protect him. 8/10
Very good at what he does. Maybe...maybe too good at what he does. Also a precious wounded boy. Protect him. 8/10
Boris Grishenko from Goldeneye
THIS pen-clicking misogynist traitorous trolling little shitlord. Ugh. I'm glad he got popsicled. He was, admittedly, decent at hacking, though. 1/10
THIS pen-clicking misogynist traitorous trolling little shitlord. Ugh. I'm glad he got popsicled. He was, admittedly, decent at hacking, though. 1/10
Chuck Bartowski from Chuck
I know that his hacking isn't what makes him The Intersect, but he was pretty decent as a hacker prior to the whole download thing. Also, he is a precious, nerdy little muffin from a show I loved. 9/10
I know that his hacking isn't what makes him The Intersect, but he was pretty decent as a hacker prior to the whole download thing. Also, he is a precious, nerdy little muffin from a show I loved. 9/10
Stanley Jobson from Swordfish
Do I hate him because the movie was terrible or do I hate him because his character was terrible. Hard to say.
Either way, how dare he. 2/10
Do I hate him because the movie was terrible or do I hate him because his character was terrible. Hard to say.
Either way, how dare he. 2/10
Lyle/Napster from The Italian Job
Roommate totally stole his idea. Effective (and actually...pretty realistic???) traffic light hacking. Worthwhile crew member. 6/10
Roommate totally stole his idea. Effective (and actually...pretty realistic???) traffic light hacking. Worthwhile crew member. 6/10
Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
She is a hostile hacker hedgehog - prickly, but I am possessed by a strong desire to cuddle her and shield her from all things. She would probably kick me for it. I love her. 9/10
She is a hostile hacker hedgehog - prickly, but I am possessed by a strong desire to cuddle her and shield her from all things. She would probably kick me for it. I love her. 9/10
Matt Ferrell from Live Free or Die Hard
I get that he didn't MEAN to help create a country-destroying cyber attack, but he still did and he was VERY UNWILLING to help fix it for too long. He did snap out of it, but...there was a lot of whining, dude. Ugh. He's fine. 5/10
I get that he didn't MEAN to help create a country-destroying cyber attack, but he still did and he was VERY UNWILLING to help fix it for too long. He did snap out of it, but...there was a lot of whining, dude. Ugh. He's fine. 5/10
Alec Hardison from Leverage
My precious perfect cinnamon roll who drops actually meaningful tech jargon AND has great one-liners AND is flawless AND I would die for him. I will hear no criticism. 10/10
My precious perfect cinnamon roll who drops actually meaningful tech jargon AND has great one-liners AND is flawless AND I would die for him. I will hear no criticism. 10/10
Nomi Marks from Sense8
Incredible badass, adorable marshmallow even within a show made of precious marshmallows. Nomi is a hacktivist extraordinaire and also the greatest and should have all the good things and I love her. 10/10
Incredible badass, adorable marshmallow even within a show made of precious marshmallows. Nomi is a hacktivist extraordinaire and also the greatest and should have all the good things and I love her. 10/10
Mac from Veronica Mars
Solid hacker, solid friend, solid human. Mac is a delight. 8/10
Solid hacker, solid friend, solid human. Mac is a delight. 8/10
Whole crew from the Matrix
I know Neo was a hacker within the matrix, but then he joins in with a team of people who essentially hack reality, so I’m including them all. Plus for hacking well, minus because...I’m so sorry, I’m just not that into the movie. 6/10
I know Neo was a hacker within the matrix, but then he joins in with a team of people who essentially hack reality, so I’m including them all. Plus for hacking well, minus because...I’m so sorry, I’m just not that into the movie. 6/10
Chaos from Leverage
Killed Lucille, taunts Hardison, fine with occasional murder, excellent hacker, fun as hell, played by Wil Wheaton. Bad, but SO FUN. 7/10
Killed Lucille, taunts Hardison, fine with occasional murder, excellent hacker, fun as hell, played by Wil Wheaton. Bad, but SO FUN. 7/10
