“Being straight” and “being gay” are social constructed categories that have only recently been created (and do not appear in the Bible). Same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activity and lust are not socially constructed, and have, of course, long existed.

“Being gay”, as many understand it today, is not reducible to same-sex sexual activity or sexual desire, but also may encompass emotional, physical, sexual, and aesthetic attraction, cultural identification, and a dissonant, distanced perspective on “the normal”.

(Personally, one of the reasons I choose to use the word “gay”, and not “same-sex attracted” to describe myself is because it is able to refer to all these morally-neutral-to-good aspects of my complex attraction toward men and everything related to it.)

“Being gay” as a construct is connected to personhood, because it can refer to some things which are created by God and good (an appreciation of beauty, a desire for friendship and community, etc.). It is, therefore, more complicated than simply sin and a desire for sin.

One can “be gay” and be celibate, or married to a person of the opposite sex. One can “be gay” and be a Christian who adheres to the traditional sexual ethic (that sex should be reserved for opposite-sex marriage, and celibacy is equally valid and beautiful).

I myself adhere to the traditional sexual ethic, and have chosen to pursue lifelong celibacy. I believe same-sex *sexual desire* is a product of the fall and should be mortified. I believe same-sex *sex* should be off-limits for followers of Christ. And I am gay.

So when I say “I am gay”, it does not mean that I am having sex. With few exceptions, if someone assumes that I am having sex, it is because in our culture everyone is assumed to be having sex, not because I indicated that I am having sex by identifying myself as gay.

Sex and lust are under my control; I can choose to do them or not. “Being gay” is not all under my control, and numerous studies have shown that, statistically, sexual orientation is fixed and unchanging; “being gay” is a reality with which I (and you) have to deal.

So, when fellow Christians who adhere to the traditional sexual ethic (as I do) claim that “being gay is a sin”, it is not just confusing, it is damaging to people who are gay/same-sex attracted, because personhood, and not just sexual activity, is often implicated.