Ali is a “Florida man” and there is nothing we can do about it.

Florida Man Didn’t Realize He Was Funding A Terrorist Organziation; Claims He Thought It Was A Children’s Charity

Florida Man Says “Water Healed Me”

Florida Man Who Chopped Off the Hand of Another Man Claims He Was “Under the Influence” and “Not Responsible” For His actions

Courtesy of Sydney (whom I can’t seem to tag but she’s in the replies):

Florida Man Only Tall, Eligible Bachelor In City

Florida Man Fell Into Lake, Woke Up In Different Country

Also from @SydneyHuppert:

Florida Man Stabbed, Apologizes For Worrying Friends

Florida Man Who Apologized For Worrying Friends When Stabbed, Was Poisoned, Apologized For Worrying Friends Again

@SydneyHuppert coming through again:

Florida Man Claims He Shared Minds With A Crocodile, Went To Shrine Dedicated To Their Enemy

Florida Man Fights Off Zombie Horde With Secret Lake Powers

From @astarisms:

Florida Man Falls Asleep, Claims He Created an Oasis

Florida Man Betrays Friend, Is Shocked When Friend is Upset

Florida Man Murders Senior Citizen Who Looks Remarkable For His Age

(The last one has me in stitches)

More from me :

Florida Man Buys Two People At Auction; Claims He Was “Trying To Save Them”

Florida Man Claims His House Is Trying To Kill Him; “The Stairs Vanished Beneath Me!”

Florida Man In Line To Be Qaid Quits Job To Learn How To Pick Locks

This Just In:

Florida Man Breaks Into Hospital Garden, Claims He Was Just Out For A Walk

Florida Man Fights Demon In Underwater Cave, Rescues Local Teenager

Florida Man Brings Up Politically Unpopular Opinion At Family Dinner; Almost Dies, Apologizes

From: @SydneyHuppert

From @astarisms:

Florida Man Is Shocked There Are Consequences For Treason

Florida Man Shocked By Sweat Stains On Clothes; “It Wasn’t Me”

Hot off the presses:

Florida Man Falls Into Lake; Emerges Speaking A New Language

Ceiling Caves In On Florida Man: “I Didn’t Mean To Do It”

Florida Man Fights Elite Warrior; States A Wall Of Weapons Flew At Him