Atonement fic thread

YALL DONT UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED I AM TO FINALLY START THIS ONE so the 1st time I heard about this it was only on chapter 6....well I went to start it and accidentally read chapter 6 FIRST now let’s do this the right way
Link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666136/chapters/44267092

“Come on, buddy, stay with me…”

The world closed in, a monitor screamed, and then there was nothing.

I have chills already poor Jamie

Her coworkers had taken to calling her The Velvet Hammer after Gillian repeatedly teased her that Ye’ll bash their skulls in and make ‘em thank ye for the pleasure.

Mary Hawkins would cry if you looked at her wrong...I can only imagine the damage that a drugged up and in immense pain Jamie could do to her frail being

The list of Jamie’s injuries

She could live to see a thousand years and never be able to describe it: the raw agony reflected in those pools of fathomless blue, or the desperate, echoing ache it roused in the very marrow of her bones.

They’d kept his fathers death from him for six weeks

“Death had come to claim the wrong Fraser. The fury and the helplessness of that cosmic mistake was building in Jamie’s chest like a pressure cooker, the burning ache expanding by the minute until he thought his ribcage was going to crack.

Still, he didn’t cry.”

WELL I AM

He never expected…

Claire, she said her name was. Claire.

She had the saddest eyes he’d ever seen.

HE’S THE ONE LAYING TORN UP ON A HOSPITAL BED AND HE THINKS SHE HAS SAD EYES

Because I accidentally read chapter 6 weeks ago... and I remember quite a bit... FRANK IS A BLOODY ASSHOLE

Brian’s plaid

“Without hesitation, Claire slipped her hand into his and squeezed, giving permission to grip her hard, an anchor to hold him while he fell apart.”

He’s curled up with Brian’s plaid and sobbing IM NOT OKAY

Ok time to read chapter 6 again

Should have called an Uber

hit-and-run, no witnesses

HE COULD HAVE BLOODY DIED

IM SO PISSED OFF (again)

SHE WANTED TO HELP HIM FRANK KEPT HER AGAINST HER WILL AFTER THAT

“Let me out of the fucking car, Frank! LET ME OUT!”

He only drove faster.

I hope he rots in jail later who knows maybe BJR will be his prison guard

ALSO HOW IS JAMIE GOING TO FORGIVE THIS I mean THAT ACCENT KILLED HIS DAD AND THEY JUST LEFT HIM THERE

ITS GONNA BE SO ROUGH

IM NOT READY

Father Anselm reached out to lay a hand over hers for a moment before resuming his position of prayer. “Go on,” he encouraged softly, as her shoulders began to jerk with wracking sobs.

And so she told him everything.

HES SO CONCERNED FOR CLAIRE BECAUSE SHES NOT AT WORK HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW YET

This is gonna kill me

WHY IS ANNALISE HERE

I’m already stressed enough

But Christ... lying there alone in the dark, he had to wonder: how much loss was one man supposed to endure before it just became too much?

If/when Claire tells him...or when he finds out. THINGS ARE GOING TO SPIRAL

NOOO THERES ONLY TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO CATCH UP ON

“Jamie, I—”

GUYS THIS IS KILLING ME.....WTH IS HE GONNA DO WHEN I FIGURES OUT WHY SHES IN PAIN

“Aye,” he whispered. “Aye, whatever ye think best. I trust you, Claire.”

“Atonement, then confession.”

THIS IS NOT GOING TO GO WELL

“Ultimately, it was better for Jamie like this, and that was all that mattered. She could do this — she would do this — for his sake.

Even if it broke her heart.”

GUYS HOW DID YALL READ THIS ONE CHAPTER AT A TIME?!? I just binged 11 chapters and I think I may die waiting for the next one!! (I’m not dramatic AT ALL)

And I’m pretty sure 12 comes out tomorrow

CHAPTER TWELVE IS UP

I hope it doesn’t make me cry bc I have to places in like 30 minutes

With the return of the Sassenach to his life, two things had become immediately and abundantly clear to Jamie Fraser.

One, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

this kills me BECAUSE I STILL CANT IMAGINE WHATS HES GONNA DO WHEN HE FINDS OUT

Like there are SOO many scenarios

He could.....

Completely lose it and tell her to get out

Be so in love with her it won’t matter that she was a part of the accident

See how much pain SHE is in and hole her...despite how much pain he is also in.

Etc....

I feel like no matter what he does it’s gonna me me cry

HE WANTS TO GET TO THE SINK TO SHAVE DOESNT HE

Ok never mind I was wrong about that bit

He’s just wants to feel like a man again

I WASNT WRONG ABOUT THE SHAVING

SHES GONNA HELP HIM SHAVE

Well I was finally going to read chapter 13....but I got there and saw it’s a two parter and I honestly am not sure I can handle that right now so I’m going to hold off until part two is up

Ok let’s do this I’m so nervous about what’s going to happen

As she rounded the corner out of sight, Gill’s voice trailed after her, “But ye will let me know if the rug matches the drapes, though, aye? I’ve been dyin’ to know!”

Leave it to Geillie to ask that

SHES SHAMPOOING HIS HAIR

And he’s just like...

I’m not panicking AT ALL

Bath time

After three years in this career, very little could faze her any more (“We’ve seen more cocks than a porn star,” Gillian loved to joke).

There goes Geillis again

She tried not to stare at him while she waited. Truly, she did.

But beneath her no-nonsense nurse exterior, she was a flesh-and-blood woman, after all.

And Jamie was… well. How had Gillian put it? No’ horrible to look at.

Not horrible at all.

Claire swallowed, feeling her professional resolve start to crumble.

… She should tell him.

Now. Right now.

SOOOOO MUST ANGST

Christ, she could almost taste him.

She wanted to.

God in heaven…

She wanted him.

BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM CLAIRE?!?

SO YOURE TELLING ME CHAPTER 15 OF ATONEMENT HAS BEEN UP ALL DAY AND I DID T KNOW IT?!? I just waisted my entire breaking reading something else I COULD HAVE BEEN READING ATONEMENT

“the woman who haunted his every waking thought might actually feel something for him in return came the dread that dropped his stomach like a stone.”

WAIT TILL SHE TELLS HIM THE TRUTH! THATS GONNA FEEL LIKE A DANG MOUNTAIN DROPPED IN HIS STOMACH

“Christ, Fraser, ye need to find a way… there has to be a way. Ye canna lose her. Whatever happens, whatever it takes, ye canna lose her.”



You just remember that Jamie!! “WHATEVER HAPPENS”

“Jamie’s features softened at the gesture, a weak smile touching his own mouth as he twined his little finger with hers.”

IM NOT OKAY

THERES A NEW CHAPTER!!!!

It was probably announced or planned but I’m awful at keeping up with when things are being updated

“Just… be honest wi’ me, aye? And I’ll do the same wi’ you.”

IM FULLY BLAME HORMONES FOR THE FACT THAT IM CRYING BECAUSE JAMIE WASNT ASSIGED TO CLAIRE WHEN SHE GOT BACK

And this is is where you’ll find me until there’s a new chapter

Ok y’all I’m going in

GUYS THE HGTV

“whatever the source of the sadness etched into every line of her face — he couldn’t stand the idea of making it worse, of asking her to bear his own pain in addition to her own.”

MY HEART HURTS

DANIELLE IS TRYING TO KILL ME

EVERY SINGLE LINE IS HITTING ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS

“It was right. God help him, this was right. She fit there, just there, tucked against him, and he into her — not as his nurse, not as his friend, not even as something so simple as a lover, but as a piece of him he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing.”

MY HEART

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS STILL STRESSING OUT ABOUT THE BIG SECRET?!? LIKE THE CLOSER THEY GET THE MORE PAINFUL ITS GOING TO BE

“Christ, his Sassenach’s laugh was contagious”

HIS

YALL HE SAID HIS SASSENACH

THE PICTURE FRAME

In response to the hyperventilating gif....when Claire kept saying “I’m sorry” is was certain she was about to tell him everything

@motherof3_2312 I think this is how we’re feeling

@smasheroteacups I’m spiraling into so many different scenarios right now I need you to stop me

Ok reading the new chapter now because otherwise i won’t get to read it until after my drive home

“Yer whole life,” he amended, without the slightest hesitation. “Anything ye ever wanted to tell someone. Ye could tell me, Claire.”

And there it was again: the butterflies, the knife.

The thought did not escape her that she might have loved him, then.

God, she might have loved him.

But you don’t, she told herself fiercely. You can’t.

And she felt her heart begin to rip at the seams.

GIRL YOU ALREADY LOVE HIM you’re a goner

Her parents crash

Apparently, I’m cursed. So I… I wouldn’t go getting too attached to me, if I were you.”

She heard the soft, incredulous gust of Jamie’s breath as his hand ghosted up the column of her neck, over the curve of her jaw.

“It’s a bit late for that, Sassenach,” he murmured,

Gillian being nosy...but also protective of Claire

It was Saturday night. And she’d called off for three shifts.

Which meant she wouldn’t be back until Tuesday night... when he was already gone.

CLAIRE STOPPP

“I dinna want to say goodbye,” he rasped.

THEN DONT LEAVE AND DONT LET HER GET AWAY

WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM?!?

I swear if some tragic medical emergency happens to him I’ll DIE

But none of that seemed important right at the moment.

Because the last time he’d brushed elbows with death, he hadn’t known Claire.

SHSKSNSKWLSH IM PISSED. I DID NOT INTEND TO CRY THIS HARD ON MY BREAK

DANIELLE I SWEAR...... DONT DO THIS TO ME

he knew he was fading faster than she could get here.

He was out of time.

INSERT EVERY SINGLE TRISHA CRYING MEME EVER MADE

well....I’m just gonna go die now

This feeling I’m feeling right now is part of the reason wip fics KILL ME I just need more....like NOW

Me getting ready for this new chapter

“With Jamie just out of reach, needing her.

And she wasn’t there.

She hadn’t been there.”

My heart already hurts

IS THIS THE FIRST TIME SHES ADMITTED TO HERSELF THAT SHE LOVES HIM?!?! I can remember

“And lying in the bed in front of her, motionless beneath a tangle of wires and gauze and tubing, was the man she loved.

Desperately.”

. “And then, one day… when you least expect it… you’ll meet a woman.”

Claire telling unconscious Jamie about the life he’ll have and the woman he’ll meet one day.. BROKE ME

“He’s all I have.”

I’ll just be here...Waiting for 21 and 22

Ok well here I go chapter 21

“Hers.

He was hers.”

Time to wake up lad

HE JUST GOT OUT OF A COMA AND HE WORRIED ABOUT CLAIRES HEALTH

Shaking his head vehemently, he blurted out, “I should have kissed ye.”

*Screetchs*

“In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to tell her that she was his family now, too. His home.

That he loved her. Desperately.”

THIS MAN LOVES HER SO MUCH

THEIR PINKY FINGERS

“Neither of them breathed as she curled her little finger around his and squeezed tight. “

https://twitter.com/iamnottrisha/status/1166890401606844416?s=21 https://twitter.com/IAmNotTrisha/status/1166890401606844416

haha I told myself I wouldn’t cry on the last line

WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE INSIST ON SEPARATING THESE TWO. WHY CANT THEY JUST BE TOGETHER

The moodboard for this new chapter makes my heart hurt

“Drowning was deceptively quiet. Jamie had never forgotten that.

And Claire Beauchamp was drowning.”

HES GETTING OUT OF BED ON HIS OWN TO GO COMFORT HER

I’m here,” he whispered to her in the Gàidhlig. “Shh, mo ghràidh. Shh... I’m right here. Nothing will harm ye.”

he loves her sooooo much

DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMMMNNN ITTTT

“She didn’t want him anymore.”

“She did feel something for him, whether she wanted to or no. “

I JUST NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY ALREADY

“Love, he realized, his heart tripping over a beat and then pounding twice to compensate.”

I’m pretty sure whenever “tomorrow” comes my heart will break

Ok @smasheroteacups the numbness is starting to fade. And aside from being extremely heartbroken for these poor hurting babes. That chapter was amazing, devistating, but amazing.

The way Jamie is able to read Claire. And the amount he loves her GAHH MY HEART

Ok here I go

“...the way he beamed and scrunched his nose when she finally sputtered into giggles, unable to help herself.”

YOU HAD TO GO AND ADD THE DETAIL ABOUT THE NOSE SCRUNCH

I got interrupted

He would be fine without her.

Better.

He would be better off.

NO HE WILL NOT

WAIT

He’s officially discharged!!!

IS HE ABOUT TO

Did I just flail around on my bed until I eneded up on the floor?

YEP

MY WHOLE HEART IS STUCK BETWEEN BURSTING WITH JOY AND BREAKING INTO TINY PEICES

ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT HE JUST SAID

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IM SO STRESSED OBVIOUSLYi don’t want them to be apart but NEED her to tell him

“Cos buyin’ ye a last-minute flight would cost a pretty penny, Sassenach.” He tried to wink, and kissed her again when she finally smiled, thumbing away the last of her tears. “And I dinna mean to go back wi’out ye.”

hes always making jokes. And it’s always to make her smile

HIS Sassenach

Shariah is me

“Things were going to be better now.”

They better be or I will die.

Saba and Shara are going HATE me for all these snaps

He needed to be strong for her. Claire had carried him long enough.

Now it was his turn.

It’s it possible to FEEL you heart clench

I’m going to CHUCK my phone I swear

“Frank”

Me-

I’m terrified

AGAHAHSJKZKA

“Get your hands off me!” she bellowed, her voice rising in pitch, tight with pain.

And that was the end of that.

Jamie catapulted off the bed — chest heaving, heart pounding — ready to wring this Frank ’s neck with his bare hands.

OHHHHH SHITT

NOO DAMNIT

It’s fine. I’m fine.

HOW IS HE GOING TO REACT?!?!? THERES SO MANY DIFFRENT WAYS THIS COULD GO AND

IM

SCARED!

Ok @smshingteacups here I go.

I haven’t even opened it yet and I’m ready to cry sooo THATS A GREAT SIGN

ABSOLUTELY SCREW YOU DANIELLE

IM CRYING OVER THESE DAMN LYRICS

“No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away”

“For as long as she lived, Claire would remember the moment she watched Jamie Fraser’s heart break. “

This is FINE

OH DMAN that line straight THE argument

I’ll just die now

“Do not,” he hissed, jerking away from her outstretched hand, “Touch me.”

NOO MAKE IT STOP TAKE IT BACK I DONT WANT IT

His voice broke, and he sniffled loudly, then let out his breath in a shaky pant. “I would have sworn up and down ye were the kindest woman I’d ever met. But what kind of selfish feckin’ person leaves a man to die in the road,”

I DINNA LIKE THIS

FIX IT

Danielle BROKE ME with this

“He was right to leave.

It was only her selfish fucking heart that whispered into the night, “Come back. Please come back…”

I have a headache now

Also I just yelled at Danielle with 15 consecutive texts

*tells Danielle I’m not gonna read it until the middle of the night*

5 minutes later -

“Fine I’ll read it now”

“but no one had come to help him; no one had been with him when the paramedics arrived on the scene.”

Im. Not. Okay.

DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT

“Still, he could forgive it.

But… but leaving him there…”

SHE WANTED TO HELP HIM

OH MY GOSH SHE RAN BACK TO THE CRASH SITE

BAREFOOT

SHES THE ONE WHO HAD HIM CALLL

iTs FiNe

DANIELLE IS LAUGHING AT MY PAIN

“It means ‘my heart.’”

MONDA?!?! DAMNIT DO NOT LEAVE

“One last cut, Beauchamp.”

I WANT TO THROW UP EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GET THIS LINE IT HURTS MORE THAN IT DID THE LAST TIME

Visual representation of what I look like right now

Also is she about to go turn herself in?!?

I contemplated waiting like a week to read this so the wait for 29 didn’t feel so long. Buttttt that lasted a bout .5 seconds

“There was one final step in her atonement.

She needed him to have justice.”

STRESSSSSSSS

WAITTT

I WAS FREAKING OUT AT THE THOUGHT OF HER TURNING HERSELF IN.....BUT SHES GONNA TAKE THE FULL BLAME AND SAY SHE WAS DRIVING

*looks at Danielle*

I DONT LIKE HOW QUICKLY THIS THING IS DROPPING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE

“The American justice system is fucked! What else is new?

GEILLIS BETTER BE HEADED WHERE I THINK SHES HEADED OR I QUIT

IM SO STRESSED IM DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU SHIVER EVEN THOUGH YOURE NOT COLD

“Claire wasn’t who he thought she was. What they had wasn’t real. “

I HATEEEE THIS

WTF

Im upset and I’m crying

AGSGHDSJJS

That face I mad at the 5 seconds mark is how you KNOW im upset

I’m feeling some type of way and I haven’t even started the new chapter.

So just be prepared for a lot of caps

“Only her eyes — those heartbroken golden eyes — were recognizable to him as Claire.”

I’m upset.

If I read it again maybe I won’t be as upset

I haven’t even read it yet and she’s already had to deal with me crying about it

At one point in the day I literally just laid down on the concret and looked at the sky for 30 seconds BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO READ

Is it possible for your heart to beat so fast it feels like it’s stopped?

BECAUSE THATS WHAT MINES DOING

“I never wanted to leave you in the first place.”

IM SOBBING

OHHH NOOO

I’m just saying now would be the PERFECT time for me to have the voice feature on twitter. BECAUS IM DYINGGGG

Catch me laying in the fetal position as I read on the couch

“Except him.”

“Jamie’s thumb smoothed back and forth over her knuckles, unusually cool against her fevered skin.

.

.

.

They were both silent for a long while. But Jamie never let go of her hand, or pressured her to say any more until she was ready.”

DO. YOU. HEAR. ME. WEEPING?!

“I forgive you, mo chridhe.”

Actually ugly crying

HIS Sassenach

DANIELLE YOU DID NOT

Imma spare y’all from having to sit through the snap that aw before this one.

But no.

I’m NOT okay

SEND HELP

“Humans need skin contact, aye?”

I LOVE THEM SOO MUCH

I’m wearing my Je Suis Prest shirt but I’m so far from being ready

THIS KILLS ME AND I READ IT LIKE 80 in the sneak peek

“Lord, let me be enough.”

HES FIXING HER CURLS JUST LIKE SHE WOULD DO FOR HIM

DAMN HE LIFTED HER CHIN WITH HIS FINGER ITS SO SOFT

THE. WAY. THAT. I. JUST. YELLLED.

“A pinky promise is a very serious transaction,” she whispered.

*CRIES FOR ETERNITY*

Just your annual post Atonement weep shesh

I *might* have forgotten about the new chapter being posted today

So let me just go catch up

he’s ALWAYS looking out for her

It’s all right, she promised him silently, letting her eyes close. It’s all right.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT PHYSICALLY HURTS

Claireee she loves him and she thinks she doesn’t get to keep him

“Please don’t leave me, she begged each time. And each time he answered her: Never.”

“She pressed her lips to the scar and held them there, as if she could seal that secret away where no one else would ever find it.”

ANNNNNND here come the tears

I LOVE THEM SOO MUCHHHH

“Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against him. He’d hold her there, if need be. He’d physically refuse to let her go.
She wasn’t leaving him. “

AHHHHHHHHH

Ok Danielle...... I expect 33 in my inbox tomorrow morning