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A thread about my family and the badass, dumb, and completely on brand things they’ve done:
My grandpa has been referred to as Mr.Jail bc he joined the navy to avoid jail time bc he smashed/ran over over a hundred mailboxes. He stayed good friends with the judge until her death.
Before he enlisted he wrote a letter to his mom stating “I’ll either marry this girl or I’ll go to Australia” the next letter he sent her said “so I’m going to Australia.” He also mentioned my Grandma in those letters but that’s not the girl he was engaged to!!
When he was in basic training he was put in the “bad” barracks & everything in their rec room was broken. He shaped up his crew by telling them if they started doing well he’d fix up the barracks. He “fixed” everything by stealing stuff from the other barracks.
One time my Uncle Roger got mad at my Grandpa and to get back st him he stacked up full size fridges 3 high by HAND in his shop
My Uncle was once in a fight w/three guys and my dad decided he needed to help him so it was fair. He closed his eyes and swang once. He somehow managed to only hit his brother square in the face. Roger proceeded to push him to the ground and yell at him to never fight again.
One time my cousin invited my aunt to her formal work dinner. My Aunt showed up after work in scrubs and within 10 minutes accidentally lit a table on fire.
One time my sister turned too fast in a church worship service and almost lit our pastor on fire.
One time I was helping with a dinner at church and caught a napkin on fire. I dropped it on the ground which caught the church on fire.
One time I was helping with a dinner at church and caught a napkin on fire. I dropped it on the ground which caught the church on fire.
My Grandma got banned from going on school premises bc after my uncle got paddled for something she stormed down to the principals office. She walked in without knocking, threatened him to never touch her son again, and broke the paddle with her bare hands and left.
My uncle & his friends once trapped a teacher they didn’t like in the school by disassembling her car and reassembling it INSIDE the school
My dad sold oregano to a kid who thought it was weed. He turned it into the principal who called my Grandpa. My Grandpa got mad that he left work bc some kid was too dumb to know what oregano is.
Someone honked at my Grandpa right after a light changed so he got out of the car, popped their hood from their open window, reached into the engine and pulled off every wire & cap & threw them as far as he could. He told the driver his name, went home & waited for the police.
Growing up my mom & aunt stole a beer and drank it behind the outhouse. My aunt got caught and punished, but my mom didn’t bc their parents wouldn’t believe that “little bevy” would do something like that on her own or be stupid enough to leave the empty can out
My Grandma & her sister Betty decided they wanted to “make themselves beautiful” for a recital in elementary school. They went into the fields around their house and ‘curled’ their hair w/burs &used milkweed for lotion, among finding other alternatives for makeup.
My Grandparents used to buy Mac n cheese in bulk. My dad and uncle found a way to steal the cheese packets w/o opening the packages. My fam caught them bc they hid the empty pouches under their beds. They ate plain macaroni noodles for three months.
In 3rd grade I was asked not to join Girl Scouts after a trial period of one day. I accidentally made the troupe leader cry bc I walked home after being asked to sit in the hallway but didn’t tell her I was leaving.
My mom didn’t know that you had to take legs off of shrimp and ate them once in a restaurant. 
When I was in kindergarten I made a 3rd grade boy cry by spraying him down with a hose bc he made my sister cry. Later his mom high fived me and told me she was proud of me for standing up to him
A boy picked on my sister in kindergarten by pulling her hair and pushing her. She took off her prosthetic leg and hit him with it. He didn’t bother her after that.
My uncle Norbert used to drive the school bus &take all the kids home. My cousin Tricia used to hide in one of the back seats &stay quiet so he’d forget to take her home bc he’d always go to his moms house for a bowl of cereal when he finished taking them &she just wanted a snack
I got in trouble in three different classes for turning in my sisters fake leg for projects bc I kept forgetting to do them. Still got A’s. I forgot to pick it up from the last class I turned it in to so during the reconstruction they def found a random leg somewhere.
My sister traded one of her old legs for $50 off a tattoo
In college her friends would put her leg on their heads and yell “I’m a unicorn”
She scared a teacher in HS bc she took off her leg &propped it against a table in class & the teacher made a rule she had to keep it on
In college her friends would put her leg on their heads and yell “I’m a unicorn”
She scared a teacher in HS bc she took off her leg &propped it against a table in class & the teacher made a rule she had to keep it on
Before his prom my dad won a necklace with a plastic Oreo attached it from a vending machine. He deemed it “the boogie cookie” and whoever wore it was endowed with the power to “boogie all night long”
My sister got grounded from making popcorn bc she almost burnt the house down making stove top popcorn once. I was on the porch talking with some neighbor kids & we heard her yelling but no one went in bc “she’s only making popcorn what could happen?” so
My Dad grounded me from Tbell for 6 mos in hs bc I posted about it so much people would stop him in stores & work & tell him he needed to take me home TB. It didn’t work bc my band section would just eat there before performances & people would bring it to me at school
My 2nd grade teacher figured out I had a speech impediment by having me read “Charlottes Web” outloud to the whole class. My problem is that my R’s sounds like W’s so the whole time I was saying Chawlettes Web.
When I was 6 I got called onto stage to help w/a magic show at the mayors Christmas party. I won a teddy bear. I got interviewed afterwards on my way to Santa and I told the reporter to leave me alone I needed to talk to Santa.
At Graysyn’s 5th grade birthday party everyone wanted to play tetherball BUT Graysyn didn’t have a pole for it yet. Apparently I decided to fix the situation by holding the tetherball and being the pole for everyone else. I’m a gr8 friend
My sister fell at her college once and twisted her fake leg sideways. Her friend twisted it back and they went on their way. The next day people in the cafe were talking about someone who broke their leg, twisted it back, and kept walking. My sister didn’t realize it was her.
My big biker uncle tried to intimidate me out of the bathroom once after I was done using it. I yelled “no”, slammed the door in his face, and sat in there for like 5 more minutes & refused to come out. My dad said he knew right then I was gonna be a handful
My sister told me after a snowstorm once that eating snow was fun. I picked up a handful from the garden, didn’t look at it before I but into it & ate a mouthful of dirt 
Remember when I lost a bet and joined the swimming team sophomore year of hs?? Memories.
One time my dad went on a couple dates with this girl and then she become a nun lmao how could I forget that story
In 1975 my Dad won an award from the Nazarenes that he titled “Jesus died for us” and in 2018 I carried on that tradition by winning an award from my Lutheran University for holding chapel events at a bar!!
My uncle really dressed like this for a photo shoot with his (ex) wife huh?? This mans really did that to her
My sister got yelled at to “shut up” when she was a week old by a lab tech when she went in for a check up
