Ok I've promised a thread on gaslighting in academia so here it is.

Gaslighting, for those who don't know, is an abuse tactic which makes the victim doubt their own sense of reality. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

So many bullying stories I've heard from academic and other staff in universities have been framed as stories about how people simply can't keep up with the work. Even when someone complains about bullying they in the same breath tell me about how they kinda deserve it.

Making someone believe they deserve the abuse they are getting through not being good enough is a prime bullying tactic. And it is so hard to defend against, especially when the person gaslighting you is much more powerful than you.

So how do you know if you're being gaslit?

1. Changing stories

My last bullying boss would lie to my face about agreements we had had. When I confronted her she would either back pedal and say she had never said the thing she said or double down, claiming her version was true even when i had proof to the contrary.

She did this with university regulations and laws to. She insisted that an agreement that wasn't put down in writing was not legally binding. (It is)

She lied to me about how annual leave is calculated.

These lies were so big it felt disorienting.They also made me feel small

These lies are also a power display.
How can you possibly win against someone who is so much more powerful than you they controll the truth?
It took me a long time to understand why these lies upset me so much.

I wrote about it here

https://thinkingintheopen.home.blog/2019/06/30/enough/

2. Charm

Another gaslighting tactic comes in the slightly paradoxical form of being really nice to someone. The worst abusers in academia I have met come across as incredibly warm and supportive people. They also talk a lot about how much they support others.

Being bullied by someone who constantly tells you how much they care about you is infuriating and humiliating. It also forces you to constantly do emotional labour to navigate this overly friendly but harmful relationship.

My personal favorite story is when my boss started demanding daily to do lists from me where I put in estimates of exactly how long each task would take. She then explained to me that the reason she wanted me to do this was to help me improve my time management.

After I called her out on a lie and got a UCU case worker involved who made her back off she sent me a very friendly email outlining what lessons she hoped I had learned from this.

The list goes on. The point is that gas lighters will constantly insist abuse is good for you

This charm is interrupted of course by moments of horriblenes. Everything will be fine and dandy and then, suddenly, there's an email waiting for you about how disappointed they are that after everything they've done for you you are so far behind on your work.

The first time I got that email I hadn't even been aware I was behind. The stuff I hadn't done was all stuff I hadn't known were part of my job.

Berating staff out of the blue for things that weren't their job is another great tactic.

3. Changing goalposts

Another great way to gaslight someone is to make sure they are constantly failing because either their workload is too high or the goalposts keep moving.

The first happens on a structural level too - almost everyone struggles with workload issues.

But on a more individual level this works too. By giving people tasks that are either too big for them or that change all the time people start being always behind on their work. This means that even as you know this is unfair, you start feeling like you're failing.

Ok gotta go make lunch now but will continue later

The thing about changing goalposts is that you can recognise their unfair, but at the same time the sense of failure sticks. Plus, it's failure to the outside world to. It is really hard not to think you're just crap.

There's also something of Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine in this. Above anything else gaslighting is disorienting. In my last bad job I got to the point where I realised I had no idea what quality of my work was anymore.

4. Mistrust

In order to make it clear that your inefficiency at work is not down to expectations being unrealistic it has to be made clear that it is you who are the problem. The gaslighter will do this by constantly making it clear they don't trust you

No smoke without fire, right?

Here various forms of micromanagent come in. Forbidding people to work from home, demanding detailed to-do lists, extra documentation, questioning expenses. All good ways to say "I'm on to you"

I went abroad for fieldwork. My PI questioned my accommodation costs four times, including once after the expenses had been paid. She accused me of having stayed extra nights.

She always send me reminders that bank holidays would only count half for me (not even true)

Many gas lighting managers seem to have a particular obsession with annual and sick leave, using them as evidence for people's inefficiencies. I've been berated after coming back from sick leave about being behind on my work. Others have been denied sick or annual leave

I find this particularly fascinating as it seems to me that this really reinforces the idea that to be anything but a perfect worker at any time is wrong. These managers think they own not just our labour power but us, and begrudge us bitterly for time spent not working

5. Pettiness

The final aspect of gaslighting I want to highlight I pettiness.

Through micro management and changing goal posts you'll be constantly in the defensive, feeling like you're doing something wrong. Now is a great time for the gaslighter to tighten the screw

They will make you fight for absutely everything. And while you are constantly trying just to keep your head above water you will hardly be able to stand up to them on your rights. Constantly having to fend off attacks wears you down

Having to defend my choice of accommodation during field work (4 times) or my lack of progress while sick made it hard to muster the strength to actually start a new fight to get the time for self-development that I should have had.

It's death by a thousand cuts

Again, humiliation plays a big role here. I had to squabble and fight to even get time off for bank holidays. It is just so undignified.

And, it makes it really hard to think beyond the next small battle for what should just be yours https://twitter.com/TheGraceK/status/1103082856518221825?s=20

Conclusion:

Gaslighting is a form of bullying that wears you down and it is so so hard to fight.

It's heartbreaking to think how many people I've talked to who excuse their bullies by saying "But I AM behind on my work"

The thing that I now say to people, which I learned from the brilliant @ltotelin is that we may make mistakes but even when we do we deserve to be treated with respect.

Our right to dignity at work is not dependent on the quality of our work.

But more than that. The really important thing about gaslighting is that it is a form of psychological abuse feeding off your insecurities.

You. Cannot. Appease. A. Bully. By. Giving. Them. What. They. Want.

This is as true for line managers as it is for fascists

I have heard so many people say they are scared of getting a caseworker because they fear repercussions. My brilliant case worker in one crappy job (hi there @drmcarley ) told me that often the opposite happens. Just getting a case worker involved makes bullies behave better

Knowing you have backup changes the whole power dynamic.

Of course there can always be repercussions (guess who didn't get an offer for another contract for her job!). But keeping quite and your head down is not going to work either, because the issue was never your work

The most important bit of advice that I'd have to give to someone who thinks they are being gaslight by their manager is to get a good support network. Find people (e.g. through the union) who you can talk to and who can anker you in reality

When it was happening to me I sometimes needed friends to tell me how messed up some of the things that were going on were.

Keep in mind that I'm a sociologist and active union rep. How much worse must this affect others?

Finally, and I cannot stress this enough

Do. Not. Fucking. Gaslight.

If a colleague, especially a junior colleague, complains about their boss listen to them. Do not tell them they're making too much out of things. Do not tell them it's probably a misunderstanding.

Do not encourage them to "just talk to them" or any other such nonsense. Do not tell them to grow a thicker skin.

Believe and support colleagues who are being abused. If you know someone's bullied people in the past reach out to potential current victims.

That's it for now. I can't believe I spent a whole day writing a thread. But it's now almost wine and sushi o'clock.

So be excellent to one another and support your local trade union.

Fin.

Oh and here's my first thread on bullying in academia https://twitter.com/TheGraceK/status/1151410167097024512?s=20

Addendum: on intent and good faith

This thread has clearly touched a nerve for some people with some folks actually realising that this is what is happening to them.

And they've raised some interesting questions about intent and culpability

Do managers who gaslight now what they are doing? Are the tactics described above used consciously to trick people? When someone flips from nasty to charming again, does that mean they aren't beeing genuine?

I don't have answers to these questions. I don't think there are answers. (But interested to know what others think!)

And, quite frankly, I'm not sure the answers matter all that much.

If someone is causing you harm the important thing for you is to protect yourself.

The thing that can most difficult to handle is the emotional bait and switch of gaslighting. You will be faced with cruel and demeaning behavior one day and complete concern and charm the next.

This concern can be so convincing you start doubting the bad thing happened.

You start thinking you're over-reacting. They didn't mean the bad thing. It was a misunderstanding. You're being paranoid.

Plus, there's other people there who see how charming your manager is. Everyone is getting on. So if you don't play along you'll be the "difficult" one.

Plus, you're relieved you have your nice supportive boss back so you just want to be grateful and get on with things.

And, finally, we tend to assume others are acting in good faith when their behavior improves.

I believe this is a mistake when you are have a boss who has abused their power against you before.

Protect yourself and assume they are being manipulative and abusive on purpose.

Do not trust someone who is suddenly nice to you after having been abusive before.

This might sound harsh. After all, mistakes happen and people can improve.

The thing that makes gaslighting different is that past conflicts aren't resolved, they are glossed over. It's like they never happened.

Whenever I tried to bring up conflicts in my last job trying to resolve them or say why things upset me, my line managers either claimed she had no idea why I was upset or focused on my negative emotions being the problem. She then constantly portrayed me as extra sensitive.

Pay attention to shit like that.

If someone shows you who they are believe them.

Remember, if they are your manager they can do real harm to you and you need to fight back.

I don't care if they mean to be nasty or not they are dangerous

Get everything in writing. Get a case worker. Do not trust them with information they do not need to know. By all means, be polite and courteous, but do not tell them private information about yourself. Collect evidence. Make sure you dispute every lie they tell in writing.

If you got it wrong you'll figure it out eventually and things will calm down.

But if you are dealing with someone abusive and manipulative those measures will hopefully go some way to protecting yourself legally as well as psychologically.

And start planning an exit strategy

I'm afraid I don't have more to offer on how to deal with gaslighting.

Would be super interested though in what other people's experiences are, especially any success stories

https://twitter.com/TheGraceK/status/1155073478468521985?s=20