Bad Fanfic with Namjin

SJ: i am Jin and this is my service top Namjoon. we are married and drink Malbecs.
NJ: i am the top
SJ: yes i told them sweetie

Bad Fanfic With Yoonmin

YG, in a torn suit with five lit cigarettes in his mouth: get in my lap
JM, in his lap with literal cat ears wearing a pink French maid outfit and nibbling on the cigarettes: yes Daddy
YG: ur a little freak huh, kiddo? meow for me
JM: meow
YG: neat

Bad Fanfic with SOPE

YG: i am very grumpy
HS: the cure for that is my dick
YG: bet

YG: oh
YG: wow that worked
YG: *smiles*

Maknae line: he’s scary!!! Make it stop!!!

Bad Fanfic with Poly OT7

JK: it’s hard being an international playboy today
OT6: we noticed you were having a tough time so we have lined up in age order to have sex with you
JK, eyes glistening: u guys get me
JK: i can’t tell you how much this means to me

Bad Fanfic with Poly OT7

JM: i am crying
JM: and my sweater is comically large

OT6: we think sex will fix that

JM: i am still crying

OT6: but it’s a better crying now, right?

JM: huh
JM: I guess it is

Bad Fanfic with Taekook

TH: i am a well-rounded, moral and dynamic character
JK: i am a literal criminal
TH: well this clearly is a bad idea.
TH: i still wanna smash, tho

Bad Fanfic with Jikook

JK: i am a heterosexual
JM: *walks by in slo-mo*
JK: huh

JK: i know right away that I am attracted to you but I will proceed to be a headass for at least 30k
JM: it’s not a problem, my defining trait is putting up with your headassery

Bad Fanfic with Jihope

JH: we are roommates
JM: horny roommates
JH: y—what??
JM:
JM:
JM: take off ur pants

Bad Fanfic with Minjoon

JM: h—
NJ: i am entirely unbalanced by you and socially inept lacking the basic capacity to interact like a human.
NJ: i am also amazing in bed
NJ: no it doesn’t sound like the author is projecting

Bad Fanfic with Taekook

JK: i am tortured with a tragic backstory and am not worthy of love
TH: i will now top you to prove that none of that matters
JK: i will probably cry
TH: that’s part of the journey for some reason

Bad Fanfic with Namjin

SJ: I wear nothing but pink and bake in every scene we are together but I am going to top you
NJ: okay wig

Bad Fanfic with Taegi

YG: i am the baddest mf in the streets
TH: *breathes*
YG: choke me daddy
TH: what
YG: what

Bad Fanfic with Jinmin

SJ: i am wealthy and successful and I want to pay for everything in your life and protect you and deal with your excessive mood swings, random journalism major

JM: what’s in this for you

SJ: neither of us know

Bad Fanfic with Jikook

JM: u are the worst
JK: u are the worst
JM: fine! *storms away*
JK, when he’s out of sight:
JM, when he’s out of sight:

Everyone else: gross
Everyone else: there’s still 70k left
Everyone else: imagine how tired we are

Bad Fanfic with Poly OT7

OT7: *orgy in the practice room*

Managers: ew

Bad Fanfic with 2seok

404 error: pathway does not exist

Bad Fanfic with Paired up OT7

Taekook: *loud gay noises*
Yoonmin: *smol angry gay noises*
Namjin: *elderly lesbian noises*

HS: *disgruntled heterosexual noises*

Bad Fanfic with AltPaired up OT7

Jikook: *annoying gay noises*
SOPE: *smug gay noises*
Taejin: *feral gay noises*

NJ: *eccentric ace noises*

Bad Fanfic with Taekook

TH: i am a model with substance abuse issues and deep artistic ennui

JK: i am but a humble barista who can teach you how to appreciate the little things with my latte art and penis

TH:
TH: i don’t drink coffee

Bad Fanfic with any Jimin ship

JM: i am a stripper

Literally anyone: listen you’re better than this—let me save you because I’m not a typical sleazy guy.

JM: ...you came to the club and bought this dance

Literally anyone: ok so about that
Literally anyone: lemme smash

Bad Fanfic with Namkook

NJ: i feel so close to u.
NJ: like u understand me at a molecular level
NJ: how is this possible I just met you
JK, having stalked him for the entirety of high school and college: haha must be destiny

Bad Fanfic with Vhope

TH, wearing denim dungarees and a necktie with a fish on it, carrying a saxophone made entirely of pasta: listen. i am a Serious Hipster and I need to know that you can hang

HS: im an Aquarius

TH: *foams at the mouth*

Bad Fanfic with Namgi

YG: rappers these days ain’t shit
NJ: hey I maybe wrote a verse to go with a beat u produced I found on a floppy disk
NJ: it’s 1997 and we both are wearing nicotine patches
YG: o-oh
YG: *blushes*
YG: begins shrinking until too small to see

Bad Fanfic with Yoonkook

JK: *sitting, covered in tattoos*

YG: That is the babiest babie I have ever seen
JM: wot. that is practically a werewolf
YG: scuse me kid

Next day

JK: *sitting in yoon’s lap* *giggling*

JM: eye—

Bad Fanfic with ABOJikook

JK: I have a big alpha dick
JM: I’m not interested for perfectly valid reasons
JK: wHA T
JK: BUT
JK: it’s bIG
JM: actually u know what u have a point

Bad Fanfic with Jinkook

JK: wow it sure is great being popular and wealthy and built as hell basically untoucha—
SJ: ssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuup
Jk:—ble
SJ:
JK: who tf r u
SJ:

Later

JK, bent over the couch: this doesn’t mean I like u
SJ: if u talk i can’t finish

Bad Fanfic with Yoonjin

SJ: hey I noticed u haven’t eaten anything but mustard for a week so I baked u a quiche
YG, ten cups of coffee deep: oh
YG: *drops to his knees, undoes SJ’s pants*
SJ: wtF
YG: this is how humans repay basic kindness
SJ:
SJ: ok lemme set this quiche down

Bad Fanfic with Vmon

TH, giggling: we met online
NJ: we met online
TH: i swore i could make his life magical
NJ: i thought it was banter
TH: so we’ve been stargazing at midnight, we drink schnapps with the sunrise and count frogs at dusk
NJ: i haven’t slept in months
NJ: help

Bad Fanfic with Hopekook

HS: *very clumsy*
JK, saving him from traffic: woah be careful little guy

Later

JK: i can’t wait to have u inside me
HS: wait but aren’t u a t—
JK: no i thought u—
HS:
JK:
HS:
JK: welp
JK: how about we dry-hump while watching HSM
HS:yeah alright

Bad Fanfic with Taejin:

SJ: can i get the...noodles
TH, eyebrow quirked: yeah? you want them? gonna suck down these noodles?
SJ, loosening his tie: yeah, put those slippery noodles in my mouth
TH, licking his lips: careful, they’re...hot
SJ: so hot

OT5: i am uncomfortable