Any of my fellow '80s kids ever watch a documentary called "Deception of a Generation", which purported that most contemporary kids' cartoons and toys groomed children for a life of Satan worship? Definitely worth an MST3K-style watch.

Wait. Hold up. I'm gonna pause this and get some whiskey. This is just too fucking good to watch sober.

Thusfar this almost seems like an extended commercial for The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe/She-Ra, and now Thundercats, because everything they cite as a negative was exactly what Little Jack was into (and modern-day Jack likes as well).

"If you put a battery in the back [of a Mumm-Ra action figure" the eyes will light up." Do you want kids to buy these action figures? Because that's how you get kids to buy these action figures.

They just made reference to kids sacrificing chickens. My daughter asked why chickens. I said because Satan really likes chicken.

Related: I really like chicken. How come no one sacrifices chickens to me? Ideally breaded and fried?

Oh my god, same guy did a similar program on Dungeons & Dragons, and I hope it's viewable on YouTube.

SECTAURS! Anybody remember Sectaurs?

Coming up soon: Their take on G.I. Joe. This is especially relevant to my interests; G.I. Joe was probably my single favorite toy line as a kid.

Twenty-two minutes left. I'm going to drink every time the guy says "Occultic". I'll be dead of alcohol poisoning in fifteen.

They're raging against G.I. Joe and Rambo-branded toys for glorifying war, which is a kick in the head because in 2019 this same brand of fundamentalist extremist fucking LOVES war, because it's usually waged against people who follow a different religion than theirs.

As for Smurfs, their "blue [skin] with black lips" suggest they're dead, or possibly undead. And yes, before you ask, they're now losing their shit over the fact that with one single woman in a society of men, they're either gangbanging Smurfette, or fucking each other.

Smurfette is transgender? Fucking check please.

"Check please" as in I'm done and get me out of here, not verify whether this is true.

"Smurfs" doesn't sound right. I feel like when it's plural the "f" should change to a "v" as in "Smurves". There's some sort of precedent in the English language, isn't there? #drunktweet

"Some things have taken place in Care Bears that need to be talked about."

"It's almost like [the Care Bears] are setting up their own religion. That children are to tell these Care Bears their problems instead of telling God."

OH MY GOD. The star on Rainbow Brite's cheek? IT'S A PENTAGRAM! #mindblown

And with less than ten minutes to go, the whole thing turns into a commercial for their series of audio cassettes. It all makes sense now: "Don't buy your kids evil devil-worshiping toys, parents. Spend your hard-earned money on my pseudo-religious garbage instead."

Their complaint about The Transformers seems to be that robots are shot and apparently killed. So...outlaw all conflict in works of fiction, then? Fucking babies.

Every time these tools use the word "Deuteronomy" it's hard to refrain from asking, "Isn't that the study of deuters?" #simpsonsreference

Guy just said it's time to "re-enterate" something. Presumably he meant "reiterate".

That was an hour and a half of non-stop frothing-at-the-mouth lunacy. This is apparently the box art for the VHS release.

I've decided to watch this again as I drink beer and paint at my desk. Still pretty funny.

"You'll notice that she's a very voluptuous-looking thing..." - some fundamentalist lunatic, referring to a Teela action figure from the Masters of the Universe toy line. Not a photo of a person. Not a still from the cartoon. This guy gets turned on by plastic.

"They wear very tightly-clad clothes and...sometimes even negligee-type things on the show." First off, clothing is seldom described as "tightly-clad". Your command of English is lacking. Second, bullshit. Teela only ever wore a negligee in my masturbatory fantasies.

"[Man-E-Faces] becomes a good character, but he still has the demon living within him." They claim that it teaches children that "you can be demon-possessed and still be good."

I mean, isn't that a worthwhile message? That one can rise above adversity to do the right thing?

They also consistently pronounce the character's name "Mini Faces".

"If we miss the generation of youth that's coming up, if we do not minister to them the Lord Jesus Christ, then we've lost the generation of tomorrow and the Antichrist will have them."

"In church history, yes, the church HAS overlooked the children on many occasions." He must not be talking about the Catholic church.

"We've noticed that the cartoons are not only just Saturday morning but...at key times of the day when the children can watch them." Are we supposed to be outraged that TV programming is shown at a time when the target audience is able to watch? I mean, come on, dude.

"No matter how much you try to explain [fantasy versus reality to a child], it's fundamentally beyond their capabilities...if you've ever tried to tell a three-year-old kid we'll do it tomorrow, they're back an hour later pulling on your pant leg going "Is it tomorrow yet?"

Not true. Kids persist and nag because they're self-centered assholes, not because they don't know what day it is.

"You've never seen a...cereal commercial for children during the Super Bowl, or during the six o'clock news. They don't care if you ever see it, because they create an advocate in your home." Yes, there are also no Metamucil commercials shown during Saturday morning cartoons.

They're talking about the Thundercats next. They're really not gonna like the whole "Sword of Omens" thing.

"As we've been observing here, there were gymnastics and martial arts type of thrusting and jumping...taken from Hinduism and ancient pagan symbolism."

It's got nothing to do with his being a close-minded fundamentalist, but dude just compared Lion-O to "little Luke Skywalker". Those words.

"It's an abomination to God for us to speak to spirits of the dead or dead relatives, which are really only demons masquerading as dead ones." Oh, go boycott Hamlet, you dumb fucks.

"And you say some [children] have even yelled out in parking lots, 'He-Man is more powerful than Jesus Christ'." OH BULLSHIT. This has literally never happened in the history of the universe. Take it up with the Beatles, who said pretty much the same thing about themselves.

"You have a responsibility as a parent to stop the children from having these toys from watching these cartoons...IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BREAK EVERY STRONGHOLD AND I COMMAND THAT SATAN LOSES HOLD UPON YOUR HOUSEHOLD AND I PRAISE GOD FOR IT. AMEN." Whoa. Settle down, Beavis.

They're upset about Barbie setting unrealistic standards for young girls, and I was just about to concede that they'd gotten something right when they said that rather than being obsessed with fashion, young girls should be "learning mothering qualities instead". #gofuckyourself

Here's the obligatory Dungeons & Dragons segment, though it's my understanding that this guy did a whole hour-long show dedicated solely to that.

"[Dungeons & Dragons] is a mind-bending game, a mind-changing game..." If I didn't want to play before, I sure as hell would now.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with, and in fact everything right about, the willingness to change one's mind.

"You think parents are aware that when the children play the game...demon spirits are involved?" The world is fucked not just because of bullshit-slinging conmen like the guys in this video, but also because of spectators eager to be afraid when there's nothing to fear.

"I have letter after letter where people took the pieces...of the game, they would throw them in the incinerator or the fireplace and screams would come out because there seemed to be some kind of spiritual forces inhabiting those pieces."

And I've got letter after letter from women I've slept with swearing on the holy bible you profess to love that my dick is adequate. Let's just mutually agree not to believe each other.

"We want our children to know that Jesus is greater than Satan. He has won all the way. He is the conqueror." I feel like we wouldn't get along.

They're now raging against glow-in-the-dark toys because of the possibility that a child could wake up in the middle of the night, see the toys glowing on a shelf, and get scared. And some people think kids are coddled nowadays!

Their chief complaint about the Sectaurs toy line seems to be that one has to anally fist the giant insects in order to puppeteer them.

"A parent who allows his child to watch this on television and also brings these toys into the home or buys them for the child is actually breaking a commandment of God and inviting curses upon the family".

I mean, yeah, because of the whole anal fisting thing, I guess.

"As you know, Star Wars told us that the Force would be with us...and of course the Force is a word used by witches down through the centuries to describe the power they receive from Satan."

"Characters like Darth Vader, who look almost exactly like the ancient Norse god Odin..."

Wait. I thought Odin looked like an older, bearded Hannibal Lecter.

The host says they can't go back to the previous slide (that the camera didn't record) so viewers can see just how much Odin looks like Darth Vader, because "we can't go backward on these".

Yoda's tridactyly - or as they put it, the state of being "a three-fingered, three-toed beast" is code for "Satan is Lord".

They've moved on to E.T. Somehow, their chief complaint is not the fact that the film's subtitle, "The Extra-Terrestrial" sounds like "the extra testicle", which always made me laugh when I was six or seven.