After some years of testing recipes and reading cookbooks and watching food network shows obsessively for a living/hobby I’ve decided to share the things about recipes that annoy me, stand by

Not every dish needs a fresh herb...did they just add that sprinkle of parsley to make it look pretty in their cookbook?? ...and if there is more than 2 herbs in a dish that isn’t thanksgiving stuffing then forget it. I used to waste sooo much money on fucking herbs!!

In general, recipes call for WAY too many ingredients. Most dishes do not need more than 10 ingredients to be delicious. These people need to edit themselves

Recipes are stingy as fuck with garlic. For a long simmered sauce 2 cloves of garlic at the beginning brings nothing to the table. Be bold, triple it, quadruple it

Roasted vegetable temp is always too low. 400 degrees is not enough. Crank it up as high as it goes

Unsalted butter is trash, even for (most) baked goods. Try making a pie crust with salted butter and get back to me

“1 tbsp. fresh rosemary, minced” IS A FUCKED UP IMPOSSILE MEASUREMENT. You can’t measure unchopped herbs. Tell me how many sprigs to buy & how much it should yield (“1 tbsp. minced fresh rosemary”). Many recipe writers don’t know the difference bc they’re not actually measuring

Recipes that don’t give exact salt measurements for things that you can’t taste for seasoning, like a raw meatball mixture, are lazy. In general it’s 1 tsp. per lb. of meat

Everyone overcomplicates mac n cheese sauce. You don’t need to make bechamel, just heat half-and-half/evaporated milk in a saucepan and then add cheese & it will thicken. & you don’t need to add nutmeg or mustard! Every food network star tries to make you do that lol it’s fucked

A lot of you are mentioning onion cooking times. Yes. It’s all lies. This by @tomscocca is a brilliant takedown of caramelized onion recipes: https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/05/how-to-cook-onions-why-recipe-writers-lie-and-lie-about-how-long-they-take-to-caramelize.html

Extra virgin olive oil is not for sautéing! Use some cheap high heat oil for that and drizzle good stuff at the end. (my exception is tomato sauce which I start with a LOT of evoo and onion and garlic on low temp)

Rubbing butter on the skin of a chicken before roasting is a waste of butter...the skin is already fatty and just needs a brush of oil to brown nicely, then serve it with some good butter when it’s hot so you can actually taste it (I think I learned this from @guarnaschelli)

Burger recipes that call for adding a bunch of shit to the meat are not good...salt/pepper/seasoning is just fine...otherwise it’s a meatloaf sandwich...just add condiments and toppings for extra flavors

“A pinch of crushed red pepper” is dumb! Put a teaspoon+ in and make it spicy or don’t bother (also applies to “a dash of hot sauce”)

This is kinda specific to cooking shows but the things they tell you ask a butcher to do...”have your butcher french the pork chop then pound it to 1/8-inch thick and coat it and breadcrumbs and give it a massage...” lmao...who are these people’s butchers

Black pepper is actually a strong flavor that should be used in abundance in certain dishes but not as a given seasoning on every single food. Having said that, black pepper truly rules

white pepper is........don’t get me started

I’m just spitballing now, but this is a developing story please stay tuned for updates

My mentions are both a joy and an anxiety-inducing nightmare right now but I promised updates so I’ll get back on my shit briefly

"Sheet pan dinners." they are a time/dish saver but I am very wary…esp. if everything goes in/comes out at the same time. Most things don’t have the same ideal cooking temp/time! These recipes also tend to have a pan overcrowding issue which leads to sadness all around

Someone mentioned this yesterday and now I can’t find it but tail-on shrimp are for shrimp cocktail. Not…other shrimp stuff. Like I get this is a pretty picture but you will literally choke and die

Kosher salt tea.... This is known to recipe developers but prob not most home cooks: Morton’s is noticeably saltier than Diamond Crystal brand. I ruined multiple Thanksgiving turkeys at a test kitchen job using too much Morton’s. So adjust seasoning accordingly

Flour measurements...most test kitchen protocol calls for scooping into the measuring cup and leveling, whereas most home cooks probably just scoop directly from the jar. There's a difference! The solution is weight measurements but most of us haven’t gotten on board with that

Many recipes don’t treat spices properly…it’s a wasted flavor opportunity when they’re just thrown into a sauce/soup/chili/stew without being toasted first. I even toast black pepper before adding. Oh and same goes for tomato paste! Toaaast it baby

Just want to add that none of this thread applies to Ina, whose recipes are all perfect and can do whatever she wants

Also I love literally every food network star in a very real and meaningful way

Ummm ok I’m running out of thoughts…I think that people have mercifully stopped trying to make this trend happen but pls don’t try to cook anything in a mug in a microwave??? It’s VERY depressing for the rest of us

(cc: @nina_elder)

Can’t believe I’m gonna end on that one but I gotta go cause I’m tryin to almost burn some onions for my favorite recipe in the world. hello to my new followers, I will only disappoint you

The recipe is mjadra, it’s very simple and very perfect and the recipe is very vague, ignoring all of my rules. It is also very ugly but my Lebanese mom would kill me if a sprinkled parsley on top

Update: my mom is very loving and supportive and willing to lie to me