bakugou is a strong monogamist, and when he falls for his best friend, he falls hard. kirishima believes in being romantically involved with one person, but sexually involved with many. but bakugou would rather have a piece of him than none at all.
katsuki pretends he’s okay with kirishima sleeping around, but no one aside from eijirou is fooled. so every time they see kirishima leaving someone else’s room, covered in hickeys, their hearts hurt for bakugou, who they know is crying in his own.
it doesn’t help that the majority of the people kirishima sleeps with are girls. bakugou spends too much time wondering if eijirou’s even attracted to him, or just likes him as a friend and finds him to be a tolerable fuck.
it hurts like hell when kirishima’s sex life comes up in conversation while they’re hanging out with the “bakusquad”.
“I don’t get how you can do it, Ei. I’m only even attracted to like, three people in the whole school.”

“I mean, I don’t really have a thing for most of the people I mess around with honestly. It’s really just fun, ya know?”
they all feel for bakugou when he leaves sero’s dorm room, purposely hiding his face from eijirou.
he wants to cry every time kirishima confides in him.

“So, yeah, I haven’t really even talked to her since that.”

“She fucking tells you she’s in love with you and you’re just ignoring her?”

“Well, yeah dude, I’m not gonna lead her on, that’d be messed up.”
he wants to cry extra this time.
he tries to pay attention to the way kirishima interacts with that girl from then on, and it only makes him feel worse when it never even happens. so that’s what you get for confessing to kirishima eijirou, huh?
it’s deep into their second year when he finally fucks it up. he knew it would happen someday, he was just hoping it’d be later on.
“Fuck, Bakugou, feels so good. Shit.”

they’d gotten to a point kirishima had a place in his bed twice a week. he didn’t fuck anyone else nearly as often. katsuki’s rational brain assumed it was because of the close proximity and convenience, but his heart hoped that maybe..
“God, Eijirou! Love you, love you so much.”

he doesn’t even realize his mistake until he feels kirishima pull out and nearly scramble off the bed.

“I- I have to go.”
he doesn’t even get dressed before darting from the room, leaving bakugou naked and shocked with tears in his eyes.
he shows up a few hours later with takeout and looks visibly guilty when he sees the state katsuki’s in. his room is a mess, his face looks like he’s ill and he’s got a few bruises on his torso kirishima knows weren’t there earlier.
still, he lets eijirou in without a complaint.
“Listen, bro, I’m really sorry about how I reacted earlier. Seriously, it just really caught me off guard coming from you. I mean, it’s not the first time someone’s said something they don’t mean in the heat of the moment, but-“
“I fucking meant it.”

“Bakugou, quit messing with me, dude. I know you’re not that kind of guy.”

he laughs a bit, but katsuki’s just confused.
“The fuck does that mean?”

“Just like, you don’t really seem like the type to get romantic feelings? I don’t know.”

“Are- are you saying I don’t seem fucking capable of loving someone?”
he thought he ran out of tears, apparently not.
“No! That’s not it at all! I just meant, like, you’re so focused on being a hero, I always thought you and I had this thing just to blow off steam.”
“W-Well you’re wrong. I fucking love you and I’m tired of this shit.”

“Bakugou, please stop crying, I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I get why you’d think you love me when we do what we do, but-“
“Stop saying that! I know how I feel, asshole, quit acting like I’m fucking stupid.”

“That’s not what I mean! It’s just, when you love someone for real it’s not gonna be someone like me.”
“I’m not, I’m not good enough for you, dude. You’re amazing, and I’m just, me. I’m not saying I don’t love you, I just mean I can’t be what you want. I’m the kind of person who would need to be in an open relationship, and I know you would never-“
“I’ll do it.”

“W-What?”

“I’ll fucking do it, that open relationship shit. If you actually fucking love me and you’d want to, I’ll do it.”
“A-Are you sure? You don’t seem-“

“Quit fucking talking about how I seem! Do you love me or not?”

“I um, I do.”

“Then I’ll do the open relationship. You got a problem with that?”

“No! I’m just, uh, surprised.”
katsuki can’t keep from smiling back at eijirou when he gives him that bright grin.
it’s amazing. kirishima finally treats him the way he always wanted him to. he calls him his first name and pet names, he puts his arm around his waist in public, he sleeps over almost every night. katsuki even gets his first kiss.
sex is so much better when eijirou kisses him, and he loves that he doesn’t have to hold back his feelings anymore.
he doesn’t have to hold them back until kirishima comes in to snuggle with a new mark on his neck and smeared lipstick on his jaw.

oh.
“What’s wrong, babe? You’re so tense.”

“You’re wearing fucking lipstick on your neck.”
“Ah shit, I’m sorry Kat, I thought I wiped it all off.”

he feels sick at how casually eijirou’s talking about it. like he doesn’t fucking get it.
“Whatever.”

“Don’t be upset, baby. I promise I saved plenty of energy for you.”

he hates the fact that even now he gets excited from eijirou’s lips on his neck.
he waits until come is leaking out of his ass and kirishima’s passed out with an arm around him before he lets any tears fall.
he regrets getting so comfortable with just walking into eijirou’s room when he walks in on his boyfriend balls deep in some girl from class b.
kirishima at least has the decency to look embarrassed and ask her to leave immediately, but katsuki knows he’ll never be able to get rid of that image in his head.
“Fuck, Katsuki, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see that. Maybe I should do the whole “sock on the doorknob” thing-“

“Don’t fucking bother, I’m not coming in here anymore.”
“Don’t be like that, Kat. I don’t usually bring anyone in here, and it’s not like I don’t change the sheets afterwards.”

“I don’t care. I’m going to the gym.”

“Ka-“

the punching bag takes a hard beating that day.
he’s not going to let himself look stupid, so he makes damn sure everyone knows he’s aware of eijirou’s escapades and is completely fine with it. their own fault if they don’t believe him.
it’s fine for the most part, as long as he doesn’t know specifics he can kind of handle it. and it’s not like eijirou is unreasonable, he’s perfectly fine with katsuki’s “do not fuck them” list, and whenever he asks to be the only one for a specific night.
it’s fine. really, it’s fucking fine.
he won’t lie, he’s pretty uncomfortable when eijirou sleeps with someone who’s obviously in love with him. and that may or may not have something to do with katsuki’s fear of ei leaving him for a better fuck.
like that tetsu guy, he’s damn near obsessed with kirishima and eijirou’s either too stupid to see it or is just ignoring it so he can stay no strings attached.
and katsuki knows that guy hates him, he wasn’t a fan even /before/ he started dating kirishima. so he knows when eijirou comes to bed with an array of bite marks, it’s basically a threat to bakugou from that steel asshole.
ei apologizes every time he gets a mark, but it doesn’t make the piece of evidence go away. katsuki always does his best to make an even bigger hickey over the ones he can’t take credit for.
but hearing eijirou moaning as he sucks on that particular spot someone else did, makes him even more sad he isn’t the only one who gets to hear those noises.
it’s nearing kirishima’s eighteenth birthday and katsuki is pulling out all the stops. he’s gotten to a point he can almost completely ignore his boyfriend’s sleeping around and he’s fucking happy.
eijirou is still his after all this time, and he’s lucky for that. even if he has to share him sexually, he knows ei is committed to their relationship.
walking into his dorm room and seeing kirishima sobbing on his bed is a sight he was previously unfamiliar with.
“Ei? What’s going on?”

“Y-You hate me.”
“What the hell? I love you, what are you talking about?”

“Tetsu told me! I-I didn’t know, Kat. I didn’t know you hated me!”

fucking tetsu.
“The fuck did that iron bitch say?”

“He, he said he wants me to date him, and when I said no because I have you, he said he doesn’t hate me and you do! He said you hate me b-because I’m a sIut!”
“He’s fucking dead.”

“He’s right! I am a sIut.”

katsuki honestly can’t really argue with that.
“B-But I didn’t know you hated me! I thought you understood, I thought you didn’t care!”
“What the hell? Eijirou I don’t hate you but I obviously fucking care about you having sex with other people.”

“Why?”
“What the fuck is going on with you? I’m fucking in love with you why /wouldn’t/ I hate having to know you’re constantly sticking your dick in people who aren’t me?”

“I- I don’t understand. You’re in love with me?”
“Are you mocking me? We’ve been dating for a year, I’ve said I love you a thousand fucking times, I’ve taken you to meet my goddamn parents, Eijirou.”

“But, you’re /in/ love with me?”
“What the hell do you think dating means, asshole?! That I’ve just been with you because I love you as a fucking friend??”

“I’m not- Nobody’s in love with me.”
“Are you high? I can’t even count how many people have told you they’re in love with you!”

“But they say that because of sex! They love me because of sex.”
“What?”

“Nobody’s in love with me, I’m not worth that. I have sex with people and if I’m good at it they like me. I need them to like me, I need you to like me.”
“You’re not making any fucking sense and you’re starting to piss me off. You’re worth being in love with because I’m in love with you, it’s fucking simple.”
“I don’t get it! Why would you love me? I’m worthless! Y-You date me because I make you feel good and I’m your best friend. Love is- nobody /actually/ loves me! Not like that.”
“Are you saying I’m lying?”

“No, y-you’re just confused. That’s what happens. People like me in bed and they think they love me and it makes me happy but it’s not true.”

this is the most confusing shit he’s ever heard kirishima say.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Eijirou. I was in love with you before I ever let you fuck me.”

ei’s completely stopped crying in favor of staring at katsuki, wide eyed with his jaw on the floor.
“Were you sure?”

“What, that I loved you? Of course I was fucking sure, I don’t just throw that shit around.”
why does he feel so exposed right now? maybe it’s because he feels like he’s confessing a second time since, apparently, eijirou never actually took it seriously in their fucking YEAR of being together.
“I loved you before too.”

“Don’t just say that-“

“No, I mean it! Remember Kamino?”

“Did you really just ask me if I fucking remember Kamino?”
“Okay, good point, but I wouldn’t have done that for just anyone, dude. Like I know it’s not really manly that I’d only do it for you, but..”
katsuki would be lying if he said hadn’t thought about that a million times. just hoping that it could’ve meant eijirou actually loved him back, and not just that he was a good friend and hero.
“But I don’t understand, why didn’t you tell me you don’t like me sleeping with other people?”
“You fucking said you needed an open relationship! If I told you how much I hated it you’d- you’d leave.”
“I wouldn’t leave! I just thought you didn’t like it sometimes because I wouldn’t be able to make you feel good right afterwards. I didn’t know you /hate/ it.”
“Are you really stupid enough not to understand why I would hate having to fucking share your love with every shithead out there?”

“But you don’t! I only love you. Sex doesn’t have anything to do with love.”
he hates how fucking sad eijirou looks when he says that.
“It does for me, and it fucking hurts to know you’re being /intimate/ with other people when I don’t even think about fucking anyone besides you.”

“B-But what about your list? I thought we both- I thought you didn’t want us to.. with the same people.”
“My- You mean my don’t fuck list?! You thought I made that because /I/ was banging them?? You thought I fucked DEKU?!”

he doesn’t think he’s ever seen eijirou look so confused and upset. his crying has definitely picked up again.
“You mean it was only me? You only slept with me and I- I let other people use me when you didn’t want me to?”

use him? bakugou hates the way his boyfriend is pulling his knees to his chest and curling in on himself as he sobs.
“Eijirou, stop that. It’s my own fucking fault I had to deal with that, I told you I was fine with it. But what the fuck do you mean “use” you?”

he sniffles loudly a few times before responding.
“That’s- I mean use what I do, I guess. It’s what I’m good at, and people want me then. It’s always been like that, I’m not enough without it, and I can make people happy that way. It’s fun, but that’s not- that’s what I’m supposed to do. -
People won’t like me if I don’t make them feel good, Katsuki.”
“That’s such bullshit! You’ve got so many stupid ass friends who like you without getting in your pants.”

“Not anyone close! I’m not like you, people aren’t /drawn/ to me like that, I have to do extra to get them to stay.”
“Is that a fucking joke? People are more “drawn” to you than me, dumbass, and why do you think everyone else can like each other without fucking? What makes you so different?”

“You don’t get it, I don’t have anything else to offer, Kat.”
“I’m not smart or strong or funny, I’m just me and that’s not enough to keep people interested.”
bakugou doesn’t know what to say. what the hell is going on? he’s known for a long time about eijirou’s insecurities, but he didn’t know it went to the point of thinking everyone’s going to leave him if he doesn’t get them off.
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